GUNS AWESOMENESS: HIDDEN ARM GUNS!


Full disclosure.  That was my penis I just showed you. I should have probably said full disclosure and then showed you my party tyme trio, thus giving you some chance of looking away.  Rather I just pulled down my pants while your back was turned and then when you turned back around I was pointing straight at it… and!……. it was point straight at you.  Damn kid. That one was good. I mean party tyme trio and an erection joke in one paragraph Hemingway ain’t got shit.

Fact of sciences#44: You cannot look away from something that somebody is pointing at.  Don’t ask me, I don’t make the rules. Ask Johnny Mnemonic.

Keanu Reeves from Johnny Mnemonic

My Face Itches.

Hey, I just said you could ask him.  I can’t guarantee the answer you get.

So, when I was saying full disclosure and got caught up in kinda being a bit perveee, I was going to talk about how much I love guns.  One of my favorite guns?  The hidden arm gun. You know what I am talking about.  That little sexy bitch that slides into place on the metal track on your forearm and then when the moment is right, you get to shoot somebody in the face.

I suck at this gun though.  I keep forgetting to take it off and then when I am orchestrating an orchestra and my arm gun engages all sorts of people start screaming and running.  Some guy has a Nam flashback.  I shot a cat.  I mean it probably wouldn’t be so bad if I just put it back into its holster but I have to pop a couple off when it happens.  It’s another rule of sciences. When hidden arm guns slide out shots are gonna get taken then fired.

Desperado, Antonio Banderas, Arm Sleeve Guns

It's amazing that nobody in that bar noticed his popeye arms and wondered if he was about to go all bananas on that place.

I should have watched Desperado prior to going on my murderous rampage.  Instead, I just listened to Desperado by The Eagles and apparently didn’t gleam the same information.  I don’t think gleam is a word.  Well, it is now. Fuck you Miriam Webster.

Because when I first discovered these weapons I put the gun on my calf instead of my forearms.  So here I was in a big old pickadilly.  Guns everywhere.  I had a smug ass look on my face.  Somebody said.  “Hey, Poncho. You die next.”  Which is how I always wanted to go out, so I was kinda torn.  But not today.  I did an Elvis leg shake to engage my weapon and my leg gun just fell out of my pants onto the floor and I got shot to death.  Apparently the whole purpose is to catch it in your hand. Huh. Silly me.

 

Perfect Creshendo into a 9 minute long Music Video about Jake Gyllenhaal getting shaves and killing people with fencing gear.

The real song doesn’t start till about 2:30 but the incredible starts immediately.

The Shoes

TIME TO DANCE

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