I’M A FATASS AWESOMENESS: PIZZA HUT APP!

I have a pizza hut app.  It is the most amazing invention of all time.  Steve Jobs stated that he invented Apple in some previous decade so that someday I will be able to order pizza from the toilet without having to have the guy on the other line hear my poops.  I can’t go with somebody listening.  Critiquing my style. Then he asks if I wiped? None of your business Dick Tracy.

Wait, you can go inside a Pizza Hut?

I can program in multiple locations to choose from?

WHAT!

I can order a pizza from my crib….  Real crib, I sleep in a giant baby crib.  I have extreme night terrors and will fall out onto a floor of knives and cut myself a lot without those baby bars keeping me at bay.

Al Borlin: (somebody go watch Home Improvement and tell me how to spell that, then get my password and log in and fix it for me… thanks (smiley face)  I prefer to write out my emoticons.  More proper english.  All this slang these kids use these days.  (wink and smirk).

Why do you store knives on the ground? (tilted eyes and hand scratching head)

For somebody who says they know a lot about housing you are fucking stupid Mr. Borlin. (where you people at with that name spelling correction?).  My knife rack is full and my HOA doesn’t let me hang them from the trees.  I know right? What is it that I am paying for?

Why on the floor by your bed? Well, if somebody breaks in, I will have to stab them, right?

Ohh man, It would be so awesome if somebody were to break into my house while I was having an extreme night terrorn (which are usually accompanied by extreme nocturnal emissions) while in a giant baby crib surrounded by knives.  That robber would have such a great story and giant stab wound. (wide open eyes and mouth!)  I mean he could tell that story in heaven, where burglars belong.

I can also add in my employer, which conveniently enough is Pizza Hut, so I can app order my pizza and lay on the floor until they drop it on my face.

My neighbor’s funeral? App them slices son! Disrespectful? That bastard shouldn’t have used his spare key to see if I was alright because he just heard tons of screaming.  Which nicely translates from my night terror to his screams of terror by having a parring knife in his eyeballs.  You can’t go to jail for “night terror” murders…. Just saying.

I’m one of these people who wants to eat my pizza and my cake too, but don’t like grease.  So I dabbed it.  Dab that grease. Just a dab. Dab.  Science has proven that dabbed pizza becomes broccoli. So I invented a new pizza app.  Called the grease dabber.  You just rub your phone on that slice and enjoy health food.  **Disclaimer the Just a Dab app costs 1 Pizza Hut $10.00 Dinner Box handled delivered to my house and it will ruin your phone.**

What is this doing here? Ohhh you are a day late Alien Resurrection. Sleeve Guns were yesterday. Boy and did we need you, could've saved that one. What is the guy on the left looking at? Dudes pizza hut app probably.

 

Do people still eat tombstone pizzas? Can my tombstone be a tombstone pizza? I was so mad at the movie tombstone. Not a single pizza. I take that back that movie has Kurt Russell, Val Kilmer, Sam Elliot, Bill Paxton, a train, some horses, a lady and a murdered Billy Zane.  It has it all.  Expect Pizza.

I’m tired.

Awesome Song of The Day

TANLINES!

REAL LIFE!

MEMORY TAPES REMIX!

SHIT!