COCKY SON-OF-A-BITCH CANDY AWESOMENESS: LIFE SAVERS


Talk about thinking your shit doesn’t stink.  Life savers? Are you fucking shitting me?  You don’t get Snickers – “we will cure your cancer and blindness and depression candy”  Well, back that up, Snickers can cure depression.  Sad?  Just eat one. Done.

Live Savers

False Advertising. Cancer still beats them 10/10 times, our old friend Bill Nye agrees.

Not familiar with Life Savers?  Well, you have never met a 65+ year old then.  They love these things.  Finally figured out why… the promise of saving your life, the possibility of immortality.  Brad Pitt would say immortality take it is yours.  Old people agree hence all the life savers.  What a crock of shit these things are, old people die all the time! … But I like how old people think little kids are fooled by giving them life saver mints as candy.

I mean they are okay, Life Makers a Little Betters for 5 Minutes, much better name.  Rolls off the tongue, like french.  Or Life My Breath Won’t Stink for 38 Secondsers… again a logical and true improvement.

Life savers? That means you are equating yourself with what people wear when they are drowning?

Not to mention life savers hate fat girls.  Don’t judge me look for your self.

Life Savers

The Boys Love Slim Sally. She is saving her life by staying fit with life savers.... Holy Cow olden times.

The only life saver I need is Italian and a Stallion.  When I am drowning in a tunnel I won’t be turning to life savers to help me get boys, Nope. They can’t find the daylight… Great pun, just great.

daylight stallone

Also considered a candy by some.

If you watched that clip from earlier (brad pitt link) it is time for me to turn my sword.

SWORD TURN!

—–

AWESOME SONG OF THE DAY #105

Deer Tick

Not So Dense

Please at least listen from 2:50 – 3:35. A+ scream!

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3 Responses to “COCKY SON-OF-A-BITCH CANDY AWESOMENESS: LIFE SAVERS”

  1. Slim Sally ignores boys with ill fitting pants.

  2. False advertising? What about butterfingers? Funyuns?

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