MOVIE AWESOMENESS: PET SEMATARY!


Wow, Steve King is a worse speller than I am.  Sematary? That reminds me too much of semen. And Tary’s.  Is that a place where semens goes to die?  I thought that was what socks and hookers are for.

I Giggle While I Kill You. Creepy Fucking Evil Dead Kid.

Now this isn’t a good movie. It has this creepy kid in it that runs around giggling in the background and kills people.  If I hear little kids giggling in the background it probably means that I am violating numerous court orders…. BAM BOOM.  That joke is gold plated.  Solid B+ joke. Signed sealed and delivered.  I love how the post office advertises that they hate trees and you should to because there is nothing like the smell of opening that bill from Direct TV or the taste of that circular.  If you were going to, eat it or something.  The last time I mailed anything they found the package in some USPS store room in Atlanta.  They had decency to send me a letter staying they can look for the contents if I would like them too.  Well seeing it was filled with highly sensitive and private work documents and that would cost me nothing and about 5 seconds. No thanks box checked and then thrown away.  Although I did send this to them.

Hehehehehehe hehehehehe (giggle noises) Shivers.

So, Pet Sematary is about this place where people go to bury their dead animals and they come back to life.  It is apparently magical because non-white people either built it or own it or are it.  Non-white people are always so magical, us non-magical whites are killing me.  Just once I want to make somebody’s golf game better or remove bees from their soul.

I will try to remove bees from your soul for free.  I can’t guarantee my results, the getting the bees in there part is always a bit sticky.  Well no, thats the honey that is sticky.  The getting the bees in your heart part is bloody.  Bloody, that’s the word I was looking for.  Right there the whole time. Tip of my tongue.

I just like the idea that there is a place you can take something you once loved and make it come back to life.  Like a Food Sematary.  You eat this wonderful arbyQ and then it’s gone. Your life is over.  But maybe you could shit that burrito into the Food Sematary Toilet and it comes back to life and waits to be eaten all over again.  Wonderful Steve King cycle of life.  I mean it will suck that your burrito is going to come back evil and stab your face off with a knife and giggle all over your house.  But if you can catch it again before it slices your throat, out of rabid magical Native American reincarnation evil, it will be totally worth it.

Close your eyes and picture this evil baby as an evil burrito. With a knife and blonde hair.

AWESOME SONG OF THE DAY

Time to worship the Devil. (google it)

KANYE JAY Z WATCH THE THRONE

NIGGAS IN PARIS

if you have seizures.  sorry.

Best song of 11′ Just got Bester.

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