FIGHTING TECHNIQUES AWESOMENESS: EATING SOMEBODY’S EYES OUT!

I have been around, you expect that now.  When I am not sleeping under your bed I am sleeping in it.  It is really comfy.  I am looking at you OMA, your bed is awesome.  But I have been slowly working on a new masterpiece about manliness it should launch sometime between now and next Haley Bop comet. Me and my cohort are going to melt some minds with that shit.

But I got to thinking my first love needed some dry humping, so I figured i’d come make a post.  I call blogging dry humping. It really gets people confused at the blogging conferences, it also makes me really embarrassed when I talk to girls.

I’ve been in my fair share of battle royales so I know a few things about dismantling people when my fists and feet.  Punching and kicking beats people up.  But it takes a while and I get all sorts of tuckered. I needed a new mastery of martial arts to end fights faster.  What does everybody have that are weaknesses? Chins? Nope some people have amazing chins, hit them with bricks and they just won’t go down. Temples? Same garbage … but… eyeballs? You can eat somebody’s eyeballs out of their face and they go down screaming followed by dying.  It is perfect.  It doesn’t take much time and they are never expecting it.  Eye balls are high in fiber. Sometimes they poop out like corn, full eyeballs!

Hey! Kickboxer!

-What?

Nom Nom Nom!

-AHHH! my EYES! I am dead!

That is exactly what happens over and over again.   I have become drunk on eyeball juice! I need more eyeballs! I could single handedly win all wars.  Navy Seals are defunct.  I would just eat some white face circles.

My only weakness? Blind people.  They just kick me in the throat and laugh.  I haven’t figured out there weakness yet. What about your noses though.  I have an idea….

You know what all of these people have in common? They haven't met me yet aka... I haven't had an eye eating orgy today.

I am just joshing ya! I don’t eat eyes.  They are so gross! But I sure like potato chips.

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AWESOME SONG OF THE DAY #155

XV – SWERVIN

best rap release of the year so far. Just fyi.

But if anybody wants to go eat some bums eyes I wouldn’t count it out…

TECHNOLOGY AWESOMENESS: X RAY VISION! (VACATION!)

I am getting ready to go on a vacation.  I am traveling the world to see what cubicles are like around the globe.  It will be featured on PBS and will be a 12 hour 12 part mini series.  I call it, Cubicles: My coworkers don’t know I am not wearing pants right now.  But before I jet off on a jet plane and not know when I will be back again … wait / actually it will be next thursday.  That song doesn’t quite have the same ring when you do know when you are coming back again.

SUBJECT CHANGE!

You know what is cool? X-ray vision / goggles / eyes…etc.  I mean you can see people’s bones and what they have been putting up their ass.  I swear to god, you google images anything and at least one of them is me with something up my butt.

Yes you can ask how this happened, I was trying to open it. Happy now?

The funny part about X-ray goggles / vision is it would actually kind of suck to have.  You get those childish ideas about looking at boobies and stuff that is hidden by undies.  But you never remember that dudes dongs are gonna be flapping in your face without any hanes protection.  It would be awful.  Also have you seen how fat everybody is these days?  Nobody wants to see that.  Now if I could go to a super model convention, maybe.  The midwest? Fuck no.

It is a cool idea in theory, like gravity.  But in all actuality no thanks.  I will just mentally undress you with my eyes from behind my sunglasses while sitting in my car.  Fuck technology.

Plus! These things just give away what you are doing?!?!?!?!?!

It should just say "looking at your lady parts". Please don't use your X ray specs to look at my boner.

Superman is a pervert and spell check isn’t familiar with the word boner.  That’s funny to me. I think boner is now proper English.  Soon some kid will have to spell it at a Spelling Bee  because its proper English.

Boner.

Can you use that in a sentence?

Please get your boner out of my face.

Can you use that in another sentence?

Please get your boner out of my mash potatoes.

…FYI I can keep this up all night….

Pun Intended.

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Awesome Song Of The Day #125

XV – Mirror’s Edge

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See y’all later. Maybe when I get back I will start writing about politics…..