Archive for Whoopi Goldberg boners


Posted in Awesome, awesome song of the day, awesomness, blog, Dork, Humor with tags , , , , , , , on March 2, 2012 by tsanda

There are few animals that deserved to be talked about.  Most sit there and play cards at corner bars or eat grass.  Unless they have some sort of scales or lasery horn they only deserved to be eaten or caged for general population amusement.  I feel like I can do what most animals do with style and class to spare.  Take a cat.  Sit in window sills, nap and shit into a sandy box.  I already do one of those things.  Can you guess the joke?

It is either

A: I already shit into sandy boxes!

B: I only nap after a long session of window sill.

C: Jumping Jack flash is my favorite movie poster.

An entire movie about Whoopie Goldberg doing jumping jacks? Well I have a boner.

Okay, trick question.  All of the above.  Except for the sand.  Or the box.  I have a floor. There is sand outside of house. That kind of counts.  My HOA says nothing about doo doo-ing and covering it gently and then licking my hands and cleaning my face.  Why do cats shit and then clean their face?

You know what animal I couldn’t be?  A Kangaroo.

Cute and fuzzy modern T - Rex.

That pouch thing blows my mind.  You keep babies in it?  I keep getting arrested for keeping my baby in a backpack.  How is nature fair?

If I had the baby pouch thing.  I would always be getting home and unload the used copy of the Joy Luck Club I just stole from the video game store when my wife Kangaroo would squeal.  I feel like Kangaroos probably squeal. “where the hell is Jr?” Cut to a shot of junior sitting in a rack of used DVD’s.  It wouldn’t be the biggest deal.  I mean I have to go back tomorrow for that copy of Law and Order SUV Miami Crime Scene Squad Unit Season 3 that I saw waiting for my collection.  But then I would get home and again “Where is Jr!?  To which I say, no idea but I do have 37 Slim Jim’s in here.  I think the moral of the story is that I would be a terrible father but I love Slim Jim’s and serious Ang Lee films.  Which is a tough break for the ladies on EHarmony with the likes section of must love Slim Jim’s and the Joy Luck Club.  Cause I win.

AWESOME SONG OF THE DAY (question mark)



get passed the dude talking and its

I’ve been trying to get people say .com after they say something.

Like when I punch people in the butt I say.  “you just got”

It is a work in progress.  But I’ll make it happen.  I always do.