Archive for tsanda

MARS ROVER AWESOMENESS: ALIEN WW3!

Posted in Aliens, Awesome, awesome song of the day, awesomness, Bill Nye, Monsters, Science, Space with tags , , , , , , , , , , , on November 26, 2012 by tsanda

I am really damn excited for the Mars Rover.  You bet your ass I am topical as hell! Current events, son!

 

Mars Rover

That Rover has Space Dementia!

Nobody talks about the 80 trillion dollar Robocop we put on Mars to take this photograph.

We, yes we, the North Americans minus Polar Bears and Canada dropped a fucking RC Racer onto the Mars and are currently exploring the shit out of it.  Finding monsters and aliens and Spocks all damn day.

Bill Nye: Nearly none of that is true. Ass.

Me: Hey! Bill. Shut up.  Well after you tell me which part I am right about….

Bill Nye: Polar Bears and Canada didn’t help.

Me: Duh. Polar Bears are dumb as hell and Canada is poor. USA! USA! USA!

Bill Nye: Jeez. No Monsters or Aliens or singular Spock either. It just rolls around at 2″ per second and cores the soil and takes measurements.

Me: Ugh. Boring. 2″ a second?  It would take that hoss all of 6 seconds to measure my….

Bill: Gross.

Me: You cut me off.  Dick.

Bill: Yea, we got that.

Me: USA USA USA!

Bill: ….

Don’t worry.  Mr. Nye left.  Sometimes he can’t handle talking science with me.  Like when I beat NAS in rap battles. Which are usually about Bill Nye wearing tie dye while drinking a mai tai.

NAS: …… ( silence just like the end of 8 Mile )

I like explaining written jokes.  Means they are good.

The only really cool thing that is going to come from the Mars Rover is now Aliens on other planets can see we are getting pretty cool over here on Earth and it is time to blow us up.  Which I mean is really all anybody can ask for in this life.

MUSIC!

AWESOME SONG OF THE DAY

MOTORAMA

GHOST (Acoustic)

Easily my current favorite band.  Mind blowing.

Have a lovely Thanksgiving next year.  Like to get it out of the way early.

Bye!

Advertisements

COMMENTS AWESOMENESS: SPAM!

Posted in Awesome, awesome song of the day, awesomness, blog, comedy, Humor, Music with tags , , , , , , , , on September 24, 2011 by tsanda

I am the kinda guy who doesn’t really care where comments come from.  You comment on my stuff and you’re my hero.  Did you ever know? Comments equal digital hand jobs.  Maybe that is because when I read the comments I am usually touching myself, in front of a mirror, naked. Well, not entirely naked, I usually have a belt around my neck, that counts as clothing I am pretty sure.  You know you get caught at your local elementary school hanging in their bathroom from a belt and all of a sudden you have to introduce yourself to all of your neighbors.  Which was nice, I was meaning to introduce myself to them anyways.  I get a few comments.  Random stragglers, OMA … that is about it.  The bulk of my comments come from what WordPress calls ‘spam’.  Really WP, Sex-dating.com’s comment of “i love your sites big information, thanks for read” can’t be a real comment?

What about Xsixioucioriu’s comment of “xjlkajoieurlkajkjfioulalirkljeaijlakd”  I don’t speak bellarussian.  That could totally say.  “You should have my babies.”    On a side note.  Xsixioucioriu, i would love to have your babies, but I am not Arnold so it might not work.  We will figure out a way to be together forever, Xsixioucioriu.  I love you.

Free internet pills found the information on my site very educational and looked forward to more fun facts.  I mean if you read this site that is a completely realistic response to what I write about.  Education and fun facts! I am Mr. Fun Facts!.  That’s actually my pet name for my penis.  Hey, Mr. Fun Facts stop helicoptering all the time!

So I say.  WP, let me be the judge of what is and what is not a spam message.  I say, commenter, Mom.  Who says.  “You have problems and are not allowed back for Christmas dinner you jerk.” Is 100% spam from some stupid spam machine trying to sell ham’s.

But, Organic Digeridoo’s, who claim to be my favorite fan ever can post whenever they like.

yeah!

Yay!

Whoohoo!

Who wants to listen to some tunes!

I know Xsixioucioriu does!

AWESOME MUSIC OF THE DAY #160

NEON INDIAN

POLISH GIRL

and dance!

CLOTHING AWESOMENESS: THE UNITARD!

Posted in Awesome, blog, clothing, Dork, Humor, Stuff with tags , , , , , , , , on January 23, 2010 by tsanda

My last post opened a pandoras box of sorts.  The monkey wearing a unitard.  I got shit tons of comments about that…one… jeeezzz I was shooting for 3.  Ohh well NDB (no big deal for those of you who aren’t hip… AKA my folks.  Love ya mom!)  So this Pandora’s box of sorts, I think everybody who reads my blog… which equals the population of China.  Do the math! Is now wearing the One – Tard.  (unitard for fashionistas) Here is a picture of me enjoying the breeze on a beach in my uni.

Unitard

Enjoying the fresh smell of spring, in my unitard, the world is my oyster.

You’re wondering this question, audibly to yourself, as you read this, naked on the can.  (that sentence has a comma explosion, i never learned where to put those things I figure they are like chocolate chips.  The more the better….)

My 1 Billion Fans – “have you lost your mind? Those look silly and so impractical…I mean when can you wear them? and how do you get them on.”

Me – Mentally back to your brain in response.

“Nope Sister, it serves all purposes under the sun… and I have no idea how to get that shit on. but thats not the point.”

Use:  Your ears are cold and you have to sit awkwardly with spirit fingers.

Answer – Blue full uni.

Blue Unitard

Perfect Solution for your cold ears... plus u still have the dexterity of a cat.

Use: Your a white guy?

Answer: Uno-tard. (spanish)

Unitard

I am enjoying the sound of you eating your words! No uses? It is perfect for that wake or interview you have to go to...

Use: Your not white?

Answer: guess.

Unitard

Big date? Fill in the Blanks _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ ... shit... I have no idea how many letters are in unitard do I.

The moral of this story is that if it’s good enough for Freddie Mercury.  It is good enough for you.  You don’t have to worry about your clothes choices clashing. Your wearing stripes and solids after march? Fucking Idiot!  Well no more! + You don’t have to worry about being out of style.  You won’t have to worry about bears.  It really is just splendid to cut down your clothes putting on time by like 10 minutes.  Putting on pants and a shirt is for the fucking birds. Now go out there and show off that package to the world… if not you can borrow my tube sock.

Quote I love – “I can’t see you because I am a parapalegic…where is my paralegal?” – Gucci Mane

Nap time is upon me.

—-

Awesome Song of the Day #95

The XX

VCR

——

SPACE AWESOMENESS: SHOOTING STARS!

Posted in Awesome, awesomness, blog, Humor, Space with tags , , , , , , , , , on January 19, 2010 by tsanda

No, I am not talking about shooting guns at Billy Zane.  But stars don’t get any bigger than that so I can see the confusion.  I’m talking about free wishes! All the fucking time.  A meteor shower happened and now I have the 5 things I have always wanted.

1) A monkey who rides a go-cart in a unitard! TWO COMBINED SUPER WISHES!

2) Dinner once a week with Nick Cage and John Lithgow

3) A brontosaurus

4) Harrier Jump Jet

5) Fig Newtons a – fucking – lot – of them.  Like 47.

Shooting Star

That tree is wishing for a friend or to not be my new cabinet.

Here is how it works.  In the beginning …

Genesis 1:1 God said let there be wishes!

Genesis 1:2 God said let there be fire-y balls of gas that fall into the atmosphere!

Genesis 1:3 Don’t let it hit your house or you be fucked!

The rest is history.  Now I ride my segway to my dolphin farm to play hoops with Dikembe Mutombo.  Wishes are great.  Somebody once said they don’t believe in wishes…you know what that jerk drives? Ford Taurus.  You know what I drive with my “fake”wishes.  Rocket Ship. Or Pirate Boat… if  I am feeling like an adventure.

The moral of this story is next time the “sky is falling” close your eyes and that ice cream chair you’ve been hoping for will be all yours.

Ice Cream Chair

Zhazam! Told you son! Eat it...sit in it? Get kids into your van with it? Nooo. Ewww not that last one.

Just don’t be thinking about an axe in your face when it happens.  That shit would suck… trust me.  My next wish was a new face.  And it’s beautiful.

I see some shooting stars….time to get some new bazookas.

Time Out

—–

Awesome Song of The Day #94

Tanya Morgan

On Our Way

(dudes can just rap)

—–