VERB AWESOMENESS: JUMPING!

Lots of stuffs is just ho-hum.  Kicking….ugh, played out.  You lift your leg, it hits somebody, they say “ouchey” or “oye!” if they are british or a hasidic jew. High fives, what am I?…. Five? No silly, five year olds these days are way more technologically savvy then I am.

Kids are so productive on the computer because they haven't yet discovered the web porn yet. Give a few years. Then they will be bald too.

My skills are basically etch – a – sketch.  If I were a rubber band gun of technical proficiency little kids would be the Large Hadron Collider.

To make things better it is really easy.  You don’t need money or 5 year intelligence.  Rather the power of your legs and a little fuck you to gravity.

Take this visual example.

Kick. Not Gonna lie this may be my new favorite person. Move over Bea Arthur.

Wanna make that kick just about 1000x times cooler, large hadron collider cool?

Just throw a little jump and possibly a Hi-ya into the mix! Cool factor check check and check.

Dear god 5 years olds are gonna take over the world.

You know what else is more neater than just regular.  Cats.  Most people don’t like cats, for whatever reason.  They are probably drunk or something.  But what if you could go jumping with you cat?  Maybe on your bed? Then I think you would lose your job from how much fun it could be.  Stupid 5 year olds can they do this?

Huh...

Jump High Five! Great, Jump Axe Throwing, Jump Jets! I mean damn girl, they are sweet.  Ever seen two men celebrate a great training session by just standing in the surf? Yea didn’t think so.

The only way to celebrate, short shorts and mesh shirts.

I even jumped bloged this shit, sweaty and pumped up I am.  God Dang.

Later

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Awesome Song of The Day #102

Gucci Mane

The Movie

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EMERGENCY WARNING PREPARATIONS AWESOMENESS: AIR-RAID SIRENS!

I was surfing the net because I have the burning question of the ages.  How much does a air raid siren weigh?  Well, this amazing citizen of this fine country took it upon himself to answer that multifaceted question.  THE WEB IS WONDROUS! http://www.airraidsirens.com/. Still pretty cool that a guy can make a living (that’s a total assumption, this website could have been made by a women, so sexist I can be) by informing people about things on poles that make noise when shit storms are about to brew.  I think my fascination with air raid sirens is that that could be used for anything that comes from the sky.  Tremors? No silly! those are underground, air raid sirens would only attract them! Bad idea!

Wait ….I am getting way ahead of myself on this one…where are the color photos and the kinda snappy yet elementary dialogue that follows?  Wow I am dropping the ball.

World War III will never again catch me with my pants off.

You know the beginning of Armageddon?  Where most of the planet is crushed by falling space rocks?  You know how that could have been avoided? Take all of the air raid sirens that are used for rap songs and put them where these rocks were falling.  People hear it…get to safety tragedy avoided.

Space Missile = Air Raid Siren Goes off = Man Kind Alive Tomorrow... only makes sense

It doesn’t just stop with Space Missiles and man made Missiles.  Dragons, check.  Solar Flares, check. Martians, check. Catapult rocks, check.  I like them because they can be used for so many things.  We don’t have enough things that make noise to tell us stuff is happening.  Becker repeats? BWAHHHHHHH, If only life could be so simple.

My mouth is still kinda sore from the wisdom teeth removal.  Maybe I should have not paid a donkey to kick my face till they fell out…. Cost effective yes…. Brain effective……look at Muhammad Ali.. worked out for him….Too soon?

end of days

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Awesome Song of the Day #97

The Temper Trap

Soldier On

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TECHNOLOGY AWESOMENESS: NIGHT VISION!

Cats could rule the world if they didn’t just sit around and lick their paws all the time and purrrrrr.  I mean they have fangs and claws, they can fall out of airplanes, without parachutes mind you, and still land on their feet.  Soon enough they will be able to read my website, hopefully they like it because when they take over the world I want to be on their good side.

Cat learns how to surf the net... immediately searches for porn ... throws up hair ball.

What else can cats do?  Ohh yea no big deal, see at night. When the lights go out dogs and me walk into walls and stub our toes.  Elephants fall into tar pits and monkeys just cry, science tells us that monkeys are historically scared of the dark. It’s okay Amy, so am I.  Finally humans stole cat eye technology and stuffed it into googles so we can see at night.  You know what I saw?  Army guys eating my Frosted Flakes.  Jerks.

I thought it was a ghost at first...Night Vision showed me it was the army eating my shit!

I tried jumping off my roof and I only land on my face!  But by god I will get it.  Just you watch cats…just you watch.

For how sweet it is to watch what the neighbors are doing at night and to be able to get cereal at night without the hazard of turning on the lights you would think they technology would have improved slightly in the 4 days we have had night vision.  I mean can’t we have night vision contact lenses yet?  Nope, you have to strap giant monoculars to your face (monoculars, good word, Meriam Webster didn’t think I knew all of his tricks…)

Has anybody told him it's day time? No, but I did tell him to look at the sun with them.

Best uses for Night Vision.

1) Reading the mail at night

2) Sleeping, I am scared of the dark…duh.

3) Fighting cats … needs to be a fair fight…right?

4) Jesus could see at night why can’t I?

end

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Awesome song of the Day # 77

ACE OF BASE – ALL THAT SHE WANTS