I’ve been on a self imposed hiatus the last few weeks. No it is not a TOOOMA! Just me working on some personal shit! Which does include me personally shitting which is convenient. So I am not really posting tonight more just saying I should be back tomorrow. But I wanted to get your appetite for me brewing. I dreamed a wonderful dream recently. I was this-
Yeah, your right. I am a freak
Well that was fun. Mr. Potato head, storm trooper. The only way it could be cooler if it was a Jean Claude Van Damme potato head, but I think the stumbling blocks on that design is getting the Potato to do the splits or enter the Kumate.
So, the winter games are starting. The worlds best at making snow angels and snow forts will gather in Canadia for a competition to see who is cooler. The USA always wins this because…well, we are just cooler… When is the snow Planet of Hoth gonna get the winter games? It only makes sense.
You’re Confused? God your Dumb! It is covered in snow! Duh. Rancors? Those are only on Tatooine … jeez, on Hoth you only have Wampas. Plus you could have a Wampa joust competition for a medal. The only problem with a Star Wars Olympics is that Yoda would win every event. Especially the triple flip jump light saber battles.
But we are light eons away from that competition, so the US can continue our everything domination. The best Olympic Event? The Luge? Pretty sweet to bullet speed race down a tiny frozen tube. Even cooler if you are Jamaican. Curling? My only pre-req for a sport is a broom being involved. But those are distant second to the Grand Daddy of awesome sports. The Biathlon. The picture speaks words at you.
Awesome Pants? Poles? A Gun? Why isn't this a major in school?
The purpose of the biathlon. To ski and shoot guns. Honest. You strap on your skis. You load a weapon, usually a high caliber rifle. Ski around and shoot shit. This was made up by the smartest person ever.
Olympics Committee – Would you like to join the downhill ski team?
Awesome German (not sure who invented it but had to be german) – Do I get to shoot shit?
OC – Uhhh? What?
German – Like with a gun, shoot stuff, maybe a bunny or bambi’s mom. Maybe just cans. Im okay with cans. As long as I get to blow them up.
OC- Why not just shoot guns by themselves? Why the skis?
German – Fuck you, that’s not very olympic. I need to sweat too …. + competition that is what the world was built on.
OC – sold. Bring your gun, we will bring the cans.
And the Biathlon was birthed.
When will the all participate in athletics then participate in violence games occur?
Purpose....drive in circles shooting bullets in the sky. Which ever bullet lands on the ground near the target or... kills a goose wins.
Other great possibilities.
Run a 10k, then strangle somebody.
Swim a mile than jump kick a bear
Do 10 pushups… then a summersault… then Karate Chop a Watermelon.
Africa has been way ahead of us for years on the front. 10k Turkey Trot….Then Machete the closest rebel.
The guy in white is going to win! But no star value! his face is covered!
The olympics could be sooo much better. More weapons. Less France.
Im a pretty huge dork, nerd, bassanova. But occasionally I want to let me dork flag fly…as high as possible, which is pretty incredible seeing the other dorky stuff I like to discuss, such as Easy-bake oven vs. bathtub gin, which is better for kids. You know where my dork flag pole is? Top of the Millennium Falcon. If flaps in the winds of cloud city and it is only raised to half mast on the anniversary of the explosion of the Planet Alderaan.
I once lost an intergalactic space ship in a poker game to Han...It's okay you're not alone.
It can do everything. Fly, hyperspace jumping, attaching to Star Destroyers (which lets be honest if our Space Navy was called Star Destroyers Americans would still want to go to Mars and we would probably demand that we blow up the sun…) They also float around in trash and land on asteroids which turn out to be monsters, ohh sounds scary? Nope they can also outrun space asteroid monsters. Thats a fucking scary asteroid though. What if the asteroid from Armageddon (your welcome) had a space monster in it? Bruce “whatcha talkin bout” Willis would have blownd it all sorts of up and then the space monster would have just fallen to EARTH and eaten Jersey. Second thought, might be worth it…except all that hair gel would have gotten stuck in the monsters mouth and probably killed it.
I mean how do you bet that thing in game of intergalactic space cards…Lando you Idiot!
I think Millennium Falcon means like 1000 falcons...thats so many talons!
What did we learn today? Millennium has to the next hardest word to spell after those flying dinosaur things.
Awesome Search to find my blog of the day: “coolest pictures of real live monkeys” Yep somebody found this blog with that search. Not only are they looking for real and live monkeys but the coolest. Too bad here they only found the shittiest fake dead pumpkin photos. In your face grandma’s, learn how to google!
THE A IS FOR AWESOME 
