BUG AWESOMENESS: BUGS THAT ARE AWESOME!

That title is incredible… gets right to the point.  Many of my readers are like..Hey…what’s with all of the fancy words you be using all the time.  I tell them I really have no idea I just point to random words in dictionaries and thersuarces (I don’t have time to look up how to spell this word right now… this word gets a 134 on the impossible to spell list, if you can spell it, stop rubbing your computer brain in my face already) and hope I am on to something.  I know a lot of girls are scared of bugs… Why? because they are not what so ever scared of humans.  Take stupid sharks for example.  People always say…”hey it is more scared of you then you are of it….” well not fucking bugs.  They will eat your face and lay eggs in your fucking brain.

Shark scared shitless of my biceps

Here is a video for you.  Get your vomit bucket ready cause it’s gross.

Almost as gross as Mcdonald’s Big Mac Burritos… Im not making that shit up. Literally they took some nasty McD’s beef and slid it gently into a tortilla! Why? This looks like something bugs would lay their eggs in. Or something a monster throws up when dying in a movie.

That is honestly just a picture of a toilet ... I am pretty sure.

I got off track.  I am sorry.  So bugs.  They are really fucking small and have no big deal with humans.  They are like “whatever, I like your bed, I am gonna get in it and bite you a shit load.  Hopefully you just leave so I can have your house… maybe eat that house if we feel like.” – Bug.

So everybody has seen the borings bugs.  Ants. Weaksauce. Bee’s fucking losers! Puss Caterpillars! Whhhhaaaa!?!?!?! Yep, look like little cats and have poisonous fur.  Yep, bugs with poison fur.  Bears don’t even have that shit.

Nature are you shitting me? Tiny little poisonous rug?

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DAMN GIRL! That shit looks like it stings gently.

Not impressed?  What about a horned  Saddle Caterpillar they have a saddle… so other bugs can ride it into the sunset? YUP.  No need for riding lessons either…just don’t fall forward or backwards…Thorns? … Poisonous? … Of Course Silly!

Cowboy Bugs road these back in the old west. Think I saw one in Unforgiven.

And finally. Big Hairy Spiders.  Now I will never hold, touch, look at or not kill one.  Thats just me.  I would do this…AHHHHHH!!! and start crying. Why don’t you hold giant spiders?  Two pictures.  Then I am done. Promise.

Really? Do you not see the Vampire sized fangs? Live life on the edge? Think your cool for the internet?

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Fucking Idiot.

So.  Today’s lesson tells us one thing.  Don’t eat at Mcdonalds. Unless of course you want diarrhea … then I guess knocked your self out.

Done.

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Awesome Song of the Day # 89

Gossip

Love Long Distance

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TERRIFYING AWESOMENESS: TRAP DOOR SPIDERS!

So get this image, no copyright, you sit down to eat a picnic.  Your family and puppy are with you.  You have a pic-a-nic basket full of ba-low-knee sandwiches and some welches grapefruit juice boxes.

Why did you put the sandwiches in a bowl you asshole! another picnic ruined!

You put down your blanket and say a prayer.  Something like, “Dear Jesus thank you for being God.  The End.  Bye, and PS I want a puppy.  Then God answers – “douche with the ugly family, I’m God not Santa…” Then you open your eyes and your dog is running away and you wonder where is Timmy? Your wife screams and you realize you sat on a TRAP DOOR! and a spider just ate your sandwiches … well and your son… but you were really hungry!

I am a Trap Door Spider and I love Sandwiches

So, I don’t go anywhere near the outside for 3 reasons.

1) Trap Door Spiders – you never know when you are going to fall into the depths of the planet and get violently raped by a giant spider.  Or get spider web on your face. I know that is soooo annnoying!

2) Y2K – wait a tick, that shit is long over! The world didn’t end! Ahhh I owe Tony Danza 50 bucks.  Damnit.

3) Trap Door Spiders – I know that’s #1 but they have trap doors! You will never know where that shit could be! Find the trap door here.

FUCK! IT COULD BE ANYWHERE! AHHHHHHHH!!!! RUN!!!! SPIDERS IN MY HAIR! AHHHH!!

Look at the trap door spider.  Hairy, leggy, spidery, hidey, trapdoory, eats human babies and unicorns.  Yea, fact. Unicorns were extinct by trap door spiders.  I would bet Tony Danza 50 bucks that Trap Door Spiders are radioactive and can fly too… If you have a video of a trap door spider flying and glowing green send to me, I need to win some bucks back from the trash collecting field goal kicker family movie guy.

AWESOME SONG OF THE DAY #56 (aka how did I wait so long!)

Bebeee booo bee bee boop boop beee bee bee boop boop boop beeep beeeep booop booop beee be bbeee boppp dee dee deep boop booop (repeat 100x)

DARUDE – SANDSTORM

What are they running from? Trap door spiders.  Duh.

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