Archive for simon pheonix

MOVIE AWESOMENESS: DEMOLITION MAN!

Posted in Actors, Awesome, blog, Humor, Movies, The Future! with tags , , , , , , , on November 29, 2009 by tsanda

There are so many good movies in the universe.  They usually star people named simon phoenix and john spartan.  One of them will usually have a beret and the other just might have yellow hair with geometric shapes for edges.  Only if we are lucky…?

Forget lines in your head how do I get that hair cut? Or a beret. Beggers can't be choosers.

Why do people say beggers can’t be choosers? That’s rat shit in my book.

ME: “Hey Begger eat this turd sandwich!”

Begger: “Uhhhh nope”

ME: “WHAAA? Beggers can’t be choosers, bitch”

Begger: “Hey jerkface … I am not eaing a turd…”

ME: ” I guess they can choose, well, jokes on you cause im gonna eat it ! ahh that was a horrible idea!”

So, D-Man is set in the future, in a magical place called San Angeles, which according to Wiki, is a combination of San Diego, Los Angeles and Santa Barbara. Shouldn’t it be called San Barngeles? Ban Sangerara? San Angeles it is! Here, there is no crime, only Dennis Leary hanging out underground getting ready to rob Taco Bell.  Simon Phoenix, Wesley Snipes in real life, is trying to avoid paying taxes so he gets frozen for 40 years.  He then unfreezes to kill edgar friendly (leary…  c’mon snipes he just wants a cheesy gordita crunch!)

John Spartan and that lovely lady from Speed have some weird cyber sex, they sing the jolly green giant song, Spartan beats up some hobo’s trying to eat tacos, they visit the hall of violence (why the smithsonian doesn’t have that I will never know).  This flick also asks the most important question of our generation? Where is the beef? Nope, …  Ask not what your country can do for you but what you can do for your country? Nope! …

YOU DON’T KNOW HOW TO USE THE THREE SEASHELLS!?!?

 

seashells

YOU STICK THEM UP YOUR BUTT! .... duh!

Moral of this story is this movie rocks.

End

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AWESOME SONG OF THE DAY # 75

White Rabbits – Percussion Gun

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