SCIENCE AWESOMENESS: THE TREE LOBSTER!

I can’t really say I’ve ever cared much for lobsters. I don’t get the fuss over their taste and it just seems weird that we boil them alive for better taste.  I don’t think any of the 11,746 chickens I’ve consumed in my life were ever boiled alive.  It supposedly locks in their soul which makes a great internal gravy. I am getting screwed!

So how do you get my attention? Ohh, the Tree Lobster.  You read that right.  Unless you are illiterate; and then you read that as lkajdkljiljrkldsjlfiaejlasdkfn. What prey-tell is a Tree Lobster? It is only a gigantic dude of a bug that was sick of turning extinct by humans so it hid on a tiny rock cliff island.  But that stupid son of a bitch didn’t realize we humans will search for a lifetime and not stop at anything to extinct everything.  USA! USA! USA!

Action shot of a scientist killing Tree Lobsters the only way science knows of. Fist punching the Thorax.

Science tells us that Tree Lobsters need to be capitalized because they are proper nouns. The More You Know, dum deeedle dum dooo (or however you write that jingle in words).  To bad NBC wasn’t trying to teach people the proper image for a floating rainbow star; and they say rap music corrupts minds.

The best part of the Tree Lobster? Where they live.  Balls Pyramid Island.

Balls. That is all.

I don’t think i’ve been more giddy about information in my life.  Giant bugs that live on Balls Island and it is the coolest looking island of all time. To bad we are going to extinct those bugs and put a Wal-Mart out there.  But ocean pirates need great deals on Bissels too.  Bissels just work great. The suction is wonderful and they come in just jazzy colors.

I would scream like a boiled alive lobster if I saw one of those things. Giant bugs should stay where they belong.  Balls island.

Woot Woot!

Awesome Song of the Day

Big Boi Ft. Kid Cudi

She Hates Me

“If you can hate on anybody, girl, I am glad it was me.”

Big Boi has been doing this for 20 years and it is pitiful how underrated he is.  Outkast for life.

 

 

MARS ROVER AWESOMENESS: ALIEN WW3!

I am really damn excited for the Mars Rover.  You bet your ass I am topical as hell! Current events, son!

 

That Rover has Space Dementia!

Nobody talks about the 80 trillion dollar Robocop we put on Mars to take this photograph.

We, yes we, the North Americans minus Polar Bears and Canada dropped a fucking RC Racer onto the Mars and are currently exploring the shit out of it.  Finding monsters and aliens and Spocks all damn day.

Bill Nye: Nearly none of that is true. Ass.

Me: Hey! Bill. Shut up.  Well after you tell me which part I am right about….

Bill Nye: Polar Bears and Canada didn’t help.

Me: Duh. Polar Bears are dumb as hell and Canada is poor. USA! USA! USA!

Bill Nye: Jeez. No Monsters or Aliens or singular Spock either. It just rolls around at 2″ per second and cores the soil and takes measurements.

Me: Ugh. Boring. 2″ a second?  It would take that hoss all of 6 seconds to measure my….

Bill: Gross.

Me: You cut me off.  Dick.

Bill: Yea, we got that.

Me: USA USA USA!

Bill: ….

Don’t worry.  Mr. Nye left.  Sometimes he can’t handle talking science with me.  Like when I beat NAS in rap battles. Which are usually about Bill Nye wearing tie dye while drinking a mai tai.

NAS: …… ( silence just like the end of 8 Mile )

I like explaining written jokes.  Means they are good.

The only really cool thing that is going to come from the Mars Rover is now Aliens on other planets can see we are getting pretty cool over here on Earth and it is time to blow us up.  Which I mean is really all anybody can ask for in this life.

MUSIC!

AWESOME SONG OF THE DAY

MOTORAMA

GHOST (Acoustic)

Easily my current favorite band.  Mind blowing.

Have a lovely Thanksgiving next year.  Like to get it out of the way early.

Bye!

FURNITURE AWESOMENESS: BEAN BAGS/LOVE SAC!

I have been on a food kick lately.  Food is good.  It feeds us, makes us grow big and strong, makes us poop.  Some foods will even put hair on your chest?  Yea somebody once said that to me and I was really confused.  Gorillas must eat so much fucking 5 alarm chili.  Food comforts us and shames us (go eat McDonalds and tell me how you feel about yourself afterwards…probably like this)  But it can also be used to sit on!  Al Einstein once made a math equation to discover a new form of matter.  The bean bag chair.

Simple Linear Progression Model, No big deal, get your TI 83 out!

Very comfortable ... forms to your back and gently messages your spine.

+ (thats a plus sign in advanced mathematics)

A lovely bag.

=

The coolest way to chill for people and some cats… but watch your nails mittens we don’t want the bean juice seeping out!

Hot Girls cannot resist the allure of bean bags in your crib...Visual proof!

But wait… there is more? An even more advanced Scientist than Al Einstein, yep  Bill Nye, discovered an even better way to lay.  It’s called the Love Sac. They are actually comfortable and not filled with a Thanksgiving Dinner side dish.  How do you compete with Bean Bags marketing campaign from above? I thought maybe explosion and sharks jumping through hoops.  But nope, much simpler, what is better than looking a lady in a bean bag…how about laying with said lady?

SOLD! That could possibly be me! or you if you use your imagination.

That marketing doesn’t do it for you?  Okay I got your bag…How about 2 ladies?

2 is more than 1. So my Ti 83 says. Bill Nye is still researching

The chair wars have begun.  I predict a lot of casualties, families will be torn apart during this conflict.  But I already have my allegiances.  Me and Lay Z Boy…we go way back, we been chillin since 88′ He gonna be best man at my wedding. I was his best man when he married the ottoman. Lovely ceremony.  We had it at American Furniture Warehouse.

Done

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Awesome Song of the Day #92

Tanya Morgan

So Damn Down

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