Archive for scary shit

TERRIFYING AWESOMENESS: TRAP DOOR SPIDERS!

Posted in Actors, Animals, Awesome, Humor, Monsters with tags , , , , , , on September 28, 2009 by tsanda

So get this image, no copyright, you sit down to eat a picnic.  Your family and puppy are with you.  You have a pic-a-nic basket full of ba-low-knee sandwiches and some welches grapefruit juice boxes.

Why did you put the sandwiches in a bowl you asshole! another picnic ruined!

Why did you put the sandwiches in a bowl you asshole! another picnic ruined!

You put down your blanket and say a prayer.  Something like, “Dear Jesus thank you for being God.  The End.  Bye, and PS I want a puppy.  Then God answers – “douche with the ugly family, I’m God not Santa…” Then you open your eyes and your dog is running away and you wonder where is Timmy? Your wife screams and you realize you sat on a TRAP DOOR! and a spider just ate your sandwiches … well and your son… but you were really hungry!

I am a Trap Door Spider and I love Sandwiches

I am a Trap Door Spider and I love Sandwiches

So, I don’t go anywhere near the outside for 3 reasons.

1) Trap Door Spiders – you never know when you are going to fall into the depths of the planet and get violently raped by a giant spider.  Or get spider web on your face. I know that is soooo annnoying!

2) Y2K – wait a tick, that shit is long over! The world didn’t end! Ahhh I owe Tony Danza 50 bucks.  Damnit.

3) Trap Door Spiders – I know that’s #1 but they have trap doors! You will never know where that shit could be! Find the trap door here.

FUCK! IT COULD BE ANYWHERE! AHHHHHHHH!!!! RUN!!!! SPIDERS IN MY HAIR! AHHHH!!

FUCK! IT COULD BE ANYWHERE! AHHHHHHHH!!!! RUN!!!! SPIDERS IN MY HAIR! AHHHH!!

Look at the trap door spider.  Hairy, leggy, spidery, hidey, trapdoory, eats human babies and unicorns.  Yea, fact. Unicorns were extinct by trap door spiders.  I would bet Tony Danza 50 bucks that Trap Door Spiders are radioactive and can fly too… If you have a video of a trap door spider flying and glowing green send to me, I need to win some bucks back from the trash collecting field goal kicker family movie guy.

AWESOME SONG OF THE DAY #56 (aka how did I wait so long!)

Bebeee booo bee bee boop boop beee bee bee boop boop boop beeep beeeep booop booop beee be bbeee boppp dee dee deep boop booop (repeat 100x)

DARUDE – SANDSTORM

What are they running from? Trap door spiders.  Duh.

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