Archive for pizza


Posted in Awesome, awesome song of the day, awesomness, blog, comedy, Dork, Food, Humor with tags , , , , , , , , , on March 13, 2012 by tsanda

I have a pizza hut app.  It is the most amazing invention of all time.  Steve Jobs stated that he invented Apple in some previous decade so that someday I will be able to order pizza from the toilet without having to have the guy on the other line hear my poops.  I can’t go with somebody listening.  Critiquing my style. Then he asks if I wiped? None of your business Dick Tracy.

Pizza Hut

Wait, you can go inside a Pizza Hut?

I can program in multiple locations to choose from?


I can order a pizza from my crib….  Real crib, I sleep in a giant baby crib.  I have extreme night terrors and will fall out onto a floor of knives and cut myself a lot without those baby bars keeping me at bay.

Al Borlin: (somebody go watch Home Improvement and tell me how to spell that, then get my password and log in and fix it for me… thanks (smiley face)  I prefer to write out my emoticons.  More proper english.  All this slang these kids use these days.  (wink and smirk).

Why do you store knives on the ground? (tilted eyes and hand scratching head)

For somebody who says they know a lot about housing you are fucking stupid Mr. Borlin. (where you people at with that name spelling correction?).  My knife rack is full and my HOA doesn’t let me hang them from the trees.  I know right? What is it that I am paying for?

Why on the floor by your bed? Well, if somebody breaks in, I will have to stab them, right?

Ohh man, It would be so awesome if somebody were to break into my house while I was having an extreme night terrorn (which are usually accompanied by extreme nocturnal emissions) while in a giant baby crib surrounded by knives.  That robber would have such a great story and giant stab wound. (wide open eyes and mouth!)  I mean he could tell that story in heaven, where burglars belong.

I can also add in my employer, which conveniently enough is Pizza Hut, so I can app order my pizza and lay on the floor until they drop it on my face.

My neighbor’s funeral? App them slices son! Disrespectful? That bastard shouldn’t have used his spare key to see if I was alright because he just heard tons of screaming.  Which nicely translates from my night terror to his screams of terror by having a parring knife in his eyeballs.  You can’t go to jail for “night terror” murders…. Just saying.

I’m one of these people who wants to eat my pizza and my cake too, but don’t like grease.  So I dabbed it.  Dab that grease. Just a dab. Dab.  Science has proven that dabbed pizza becomes broccoli. So I invented a new pizza app.  Called the grease dabber.  You just rub your phone on that slice and enjoy health food.  **Disclaimer the Just a Dab app costs 1 Pizza Hut $10.00 Dinner Box handled delivered to my house and it will ruin your phone.**

Alien Resurrection Sleeve Gun

What is this doing here? Ohhh you are a day late Alien Resurrection. Sleeve Guns were yesterday. Boy and did we need you, could've saved that one. What is the guy on the left looking at? Dudes pizza hut app probably.


Do people still eat tombstone pizzas? Can my tombstone be a tombstone pizza? I was so mad at the movie tombstone. Not a single pizza. I take that back that movie has Kurt Russell, Val Kilmer, Sam Elliot, Bill Paxton, a train, some horses, a lady and a murdered Billy Zane.  It has it all.  Expect Pizza.

I’m tired.

Awesome Song of The Day








Posted in Awesome, blog, Food, Humor, The 80's with tags , , , , , , , on January 7, 2010 by tsanda

Calzones.  The word itself just warms your loins.  It tingles your arm hairs doesn’t it?  It cured your leukemia? Yea… didn’t think so they aren’t that incredible.  But they are everything great about food all put in one little handy bread pouch.  I hate wasting all my time messing around with forks and knives.  Don’t even get me started on spoons! Those things make no sense.


Me: what?

Guy: You use them to scoop.

Me: Eyebrows raise gently.  AHHH HOT DAMN!

Thanks again guy.

Calzone.  Your loins are tingling again.  I know.


If was han solo I would have put Luke Skywalker into this instead of the Ton Ton. What a delicious bed this would make.

Here is how you make one.  Get a pen and paper.  Start writing.  Take a pizza now wrap it up in some bread.  Done. Eat!  Those fucking Italians are geniuses.  Except Michelangelo that fucks a hack and a half. Which is nuts because milli vanilli were only full hacks!  Not sure how to utilize this technology elsewhere.  Burritos! Damn Mexico has been all over this trend for decades too!

Guy: I think burritos are centuries old.


They are just so damn hot and juicy and saucey and pepporoniey and pizzaey.  Words haven’t even been invented to describe what these fucking things taste like.  Words like great, yum, tasty, neat, filling.  Hmmm Merriem Webster is telling me those are real words.  Tumreatilling. Which basically boils down to Tasty Yum Great and Filling all mixed together and wrapped in bread.  Like a calzone.  It’s the circle of life.

I was always wondering how all of those ingredients breath though.


Ahhh Gills. Knew it. There fish.

Time to get Fat.


Awesome Song of The Day #87

Tears for Fears

Everybody wants to rule the World

Great video