Archive for Music

SCIENCE AWESOMENESS: THE TREE LOBSTER!

Posted in Awesome, awesome song of the day, awesomness, Bugs, comedy, Humor, News, Science, Stuff, Stupid with tags , , , , , , , , , , on December 3, 2012 by tsanda

I can’t really say I’ve ever cared much for lobsters. I don’t get the fuss over their taste and it just seems weird that we boil them alive for better taste.  I don’t think any of the 11,746 chickens I’ve consumed in my life were ever boiled alive.  It supposedly locks in their soul which makes a great internal gravy. I am getting screwed!

So how do you get my attention? Ohh, the Tree Lobster.  You read that right.  Unless you are illiterate; and then you read that as lkajdkljiljrkldsjlfiaejlasdkfn. What prey-tell is a Tree Lobster? It is only a gigantic dude of a bug that was sick of turning extinct by humans so it hid on a tiny rock cliff island.  But that stupid son of a bitch didn’t realize we humans will search for a lifetime and not stop at anything to extinct everything.  USA! USA! USA!

Tree Lobster

Action shot of a scientist killing Tree Lobsters the only way science knows of. Fist punching the Thorax.

Science tells us that Tree Lobsters need to be capitalized because they are proper nouns. The More You Know, dum deeedle dum dooo (or however you write that jingle in words).  To bad NBC wasn’t trying to teach people the proper image for a floating rainbow star; and they say rap music corrupts minds.

The best part of the Tree Lobster? Where they live.  Balls Pyramid Island.

Balls.  That is all.

Balls. That is all.

I don’t think i’ve been more giddy about information in my life.  Giant bugs that live on Balls Island and it is the coolest looking island of all time. To bad we are going to extinct those bugs and put a Wal-Mart out there.  But ocean pirates need great deals on Bissels too.  Bissels just work great. The suction is wonderful and they come in just jazzy colors.

I would scream like a boiled alive lobster if I saw one of those things. Giant bugs should stay where they belong.  Balls island.

Woot Woot!

Awesome Song of the Day

Big Boi Ft. Kid Cudi

She Hates Me

“If you can hate on anybody, girl, I am glad it was me.”

Big Boi has been doing this for 20 years and it is pitiful how underrated he is.  Outkast for life.

 

 

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The Devil Is A Puss Bag These Days…

Posted in Arnold, Awesome, awesome song of the day, awesomness, blog, comedy, Humor, Music, Television with tags , , , , , , , , , , on November 28, 2012 by tsanda

Ohhh that Devil.  Always trying to mess with our minds and tempt us to eat chocolate and covet they neighbors Wednesday night orgies.  It is tough, cause boy howdy do those things get loud.  I think last time I heard a Phoenix burn and rise from its ashes during one of those….

…. It sounds unfortunately a lot like a lawnmower starting.  Life – the constant disappointment.

 

“Vrrrrmmm Vrrrmm Vrrrmmmvrmmmvrmmmm”

I had an “an” in front of Phoenix for a second and there were little squiggles under it.  I clicked it and it’s only recommendation was to stop being a fucking moron.  God damnit word.  You’re a jerk!

Remember when the Devil was awesome and people were scared of him.  He would produce Faces of Death and make kids listen to Black Sabbath and Led Zepplin?  He made teenagers touch privates and put real oil in Mcdonald’s french fries. But here it comes to my attention that the kid from Two and a Half Men says to stop watching that show because the Devil wants you to tune in.  To mush your brain.  First of all, I assumed that kid was property of Warner Brothers so I am shocked he is allowed to go outside and converse with people.  Secondly, why the sam hell does the Devil want people watching that show? If that show mushes your brain you will have no motivation to go out and worship the Devil.  That shit takes work.  You have to drawn pentagrams and sacrifice goats and shit.  Nobody who watches Two and Half men is motivated for all of that work.

I mean if the Devil wants to support a medium of the media…. that doesn’t sound like a thing…. he should totally get behind my stuff.  This will mush the shit out of your brain.  Plus I hate goats! Always eating my cans.

For all the stereotypes about goats eating cans all the time I couldn’t find a single JPEG, yep. Gettin Technical.  Keep up internet.  So I found the closest alternative and it works pretty well.

Gimmie dem boobies!

That is what I always say to girls.  Usually looks a lot like this too. Although I can’t grow a goatee.  Whoa. Finally just got that. I am welcome.

Now the Devil wants us to watch Jon Cryer sitcoms? If you peruse any of the awesome Illuminati blogs you will find that all the Devil worshipping artists these days are sucky pussies.  Like Lady Gaga and Beyonce and Taylor Swift. What the crap happened!  The Devil really must have got some screws loose when Arnold whooped his ass in End of Days.  I don’t like any of those jokers, I must be doing Gods work!

Ohh well lets listen to music that the Devil doesn’t like….because it is good….

Awesome Song of the Day

Pete and the Pirates

“The marks on your back and the lines on your face…. one thousand pictures”

Best Lyric Ever.

Well, after I have so much money my money count money… but that is a given.

note to self. I may have used this song before.  No chance in hell I fact check that though.

 

 

CANDY AWESOMENESS: MINI ROLOS!

Posted in Candy with tags , , , , , , , , on November 10, 2012 by tsanda

I am notorious for being easy to please.  Con Air is on again? Well, so much for my daughter’s birthday.  Well, honestly I actually got her the Con Air blue ray for her birthday.  Which is basically the best birthday ever, I’d say.  She disagreed and wanted sour patch kids, or cabbage patch kids or something like that… So welcome to adoption little miss bossy pants!

That last group of sentences is actually why I will never be allowed to offspring with somebody.

So I was at K-mart buying new headphones and trying not to get stabbed or talked to by anybody.  I decided lunch was going to be (yes, you have read this right, somehow my lunch was originating from K-mart) candy.  Sometimes a lunch of candy is just what no doctor anywhere ordered.  I like the riddles skittles.  I like how skittles make my jaw hurt.  No pain no gain! That’s what my cat always says.  I have no idea what the riddles part is though.

Whoa, what do I see?  Mini fucking Rolos! Kablamo! (or insert your own sound of excitement)  Although it is odd.  Shooting off shotguns inside a K-Mart is actually legal and appropriate behavior.

Rolo Mini

You had me at lunch at K-Mart.

Finally.  The three things I have always been missing in my life.  Not knowing the actual size of a candy I was about to buy.  Don’t you hate when you accidently buy 3′ wide Werthers and the duffle bag they came in didn’t notify you of this? 2. I didn’t number 1, I hope this makes sense.  They show with a picture that their claim to contain chocolate and carmel is not fully bullshit.  I need visual proof.  I might believe in Jesus on faith, but not fucking hidden carmel.  Final thought. They are unwrapped! Although I feel bad for the indian children who lost their jobs wrapping Rolo’s.  I always thought it was fucking nonsense that I had to open this candy and then unwrap more candy.  I’m looking right at you Starbursts.  I’m not into physical activity or puzzles.  How do you open this tiny little candy origami? WHAT! I have to do it 8 more times! Ugh uncontrollable vomiting.

Just when I think I have lost all faith in American ingenuity the Rolo Corporation brings it back to a very modest level.  USA!

Who wants musics!

Awesome Song of the Day #something

Motorama

Alps

Yeah! I’m back! I haven’t done this since May? What is wrong with me.

Well I ate candy lunch from K-Mart.  Alot.

Until the next time.

 

 

BINARY AWESOMENESS: 10101000100101010100!!!!!

Posted in Awesome, awesome song of the day, awesomness, Bill Nye, blog, comedy, Dork, Humor, Internet Photographs, Technology, What the Fuck? with tags , , , , , , , , , , , on May 16, 2012 by tsanda

1001010101010010101010101010101010100000011111101010111010101010001101010000000100000111111101010101001011110101010

1010101100101010100000001111101010000101010101010101010101000001011101110001110001101010

10100101

“10001110100101010000110001”

“100010011101110000011101010101”

Binary, Blog, Humor, Jokes, Humor, Awesomeness

0001001110101001010101 101001010101010!!!

11010010010011010100001010101010001111111111110111111111011111110000010101010 01 10100 0101 10 10 10 100000111010 1010101 010101

010101010 101 101010010101 0101

101010 1010 01 011111000 10101 01 010 10 01010010101

0101 101 0010011000 10101001

01010101

Binary, Blog, Humor, Jokes, Humor, Awesomeness

10101010101 10101 01010101010

10101 00101 01010 101001 01 010 10 10  23827828917189728179838928972817  10 1010010101 1010 10101 100010100101 01010 010100101010

0101010

10101

101010 100100 1010

Binary, Blog, Humor, Jokes, Humor, Awesomeness

1010101010101????

10101!!!

1010 1010101010!

1100101010

1001010

—-

 

 

Bill Nye “what the fuck is wrong with you?”

“1001010010”

PRIME MINISTER AWESOMENESS: VLADIMIR PUTIN!

Posted in Awesome, awesome song of the day, awesomness, blog, comedy, Humor with tags , , , , , , , , , , on May 9, 2012 by tsanda

My grandfather once said that Russians were no better than animals which was confusing to me because animals are awesome.  Duckbilled Platypus or Flying Squirrels? No more words needed about that.  The extent of my knowledge of Russians is what I have learned from James Bond and they are usually trying to take over the world.  I disagree, if they are anything like their Prime Minister, old Vlad Putin, they are just trying to enjoy the finer things in life.

When I have a rough day at work what is the first thing I want to do when I get home?  Bubble Bath? That is second.  Double Dutch competition with the Jensen sisters down the street? That is saturday morning stuff.  Shirtless Horseback riding? Ding Ding Ding.

Vladimir Putin, Shirtless Horseback Riding, Russia, Prime Minister, Blog, Humor, Comedy, Jokes

He is probably going off to hand to hand combat a Russian Bear. Then wear its skin home.

That is awesome.  Obama ever done anything this cool?  Not likely.  Somebody would probably complain about skin cancer or animal abuse.  Putin knows the secret to a good leader is a fantastic tan.

After he rides the horse to the edge of death what does he do? He lets his steed drink water while he takes a gentle dip to recharge his engines and cool his weary bones.

Vladimir Putin, Shirtless Horseback Riding, Russia, Prime Minister, Blog, Humor, Comedy, Jokes

Relax? I meant to say Butterfly Stroke, a perfect one at that, across a lake that is probably 5 miles long.

All this shirtless horseback and olympic quality swimming has got him hungry.  He chops down a tree and makes a fishing pole.

Vladimir Putin, Shirtless Horseback Riding, Russia, Prime Minister, Blog, Humor, Comedy, Jokes

Actually he is now fishing for whales off the coast of Siberia.

After he eats his whale.  He needs to let off a little aggression.  Some silly American was caught spying on him.  Instead of chopping off his head or drowning him in a kiddy pool during his sons sweet 16.  Judo throw!

Vladimir Putin, Shirtless Horseback Riding, Russia, Prime Minister, Blog, Humor, Comedy, Jokes

Please go tell Obama to stop spying on me and if he wants to shirtless hang glide I am going next weekend over Chechnya.

Whoa that is a long day.  I need to win the World Cup for mother russia.  But we can only play in suits. Because not only are we obviously superior to all other countries in all ways, but we need to look dashing at the same time.

Vladimir Putin, Shirtless Horseback Riding, Russia, Prime Minister, Blog, Humor, Comedy, Jokes

Fuck you Ronaldo. This is how you make soccer look good.

Somebody should teach these Russians that if they bunch like that they are going to get killed on the counter attack.  ohhh the KGB will just shoot the other team?  That works too.

AWESOME SONG OF THE DAY

BUCK 65 – PAPER AIRPLANE

Long Live Creative Music

MILK AWESOMENESS: ROOT BEER MILK?

Posted in Awesome, awesome song of the day, awesomness, blog, clothing, Food, Humor, What the Fuck? with tags , , , , , , , , , , on April 22, 2012 by tsanda

I stole this photograph from my brother. Apparently this exists and I can’t quite wrap my head around it. Or Rap my head around it. Nothing cool rhymes with Rootbeer Milk. Glutesmear Rilk? Those aren’t even words!

Root Beer Milk

A much better seller than the Old Fashioned Mr. Pibb milk.

I looked this up on the internet and apparently it is real. Apparently back in history people would mix rootbeer and milk. I’m a little unsure still whether or not this is real. Because it’s “old fashioned” not “olde fashionede” adding e’s to the ends of words that don’t neede it makes things seeme oldere and more authentice.

How did this occur? Rootbeer milk. Those two things together sounds like the devil’s poison.

I get carmel eggs and ice cream tacos. Those make perfect sense to me. Wheat grass marshmallows and Jamba Juice nachos? These things I would mix in a heartbeat.

First of all milk is stupid and root beer is like the 8th best soda. I have no idea how this happened. Could I bet behind some milk squirt? Other than the name sounds horribly sexual and 100% unappetizing. I’d try it.

Hell, I’d even go Milk + Crystal Pepsi.

Quite frankly I’d be more psyched for turd water.

I’m going to calm my nerves with a sweet glass of Maple Syrup Ginger Ale. That would probably be the most canadian thing since, Canada.

AWESOME SONG OF THE DAY

Theophilus London FT. ASAP Rocky

Big Spender

CRIME AWESOMENESS: GETTING ARRESTED FOR A TACO!

Posted in Awesome, awesome song of the day, awesomness, blog, comedy, Dork, Humor, Music with tags , , , , , , , , , , on March 31, 2012 by tsanda

I am going to post an actual full news story.  So you can see that I am not full of shit. This actually happened. There are crimes that make no sense to me.  Murder, rape, animal sodomy.  Then there are crimes of extreme passion and necessity that I condone and completely understand. Stealing Tacos is definitely one of those.

ohh wait that is rap song with a chorus that is “I’m the 7th letter of the Alphabet, I’m a G”

Here we go:

“Today in: “Well, that was unnecessary,” we bring you the story of Erving Walker, the Florida Gators guard who allegedly stole a taco and didn’t get away with it. It wasn’t even a gourmet taco — it was the $3 dollar variety from a street vendor. Why, Erving, why?

Walker ordered a taco early Friday morning and ran away without paying. When cops started to follow him and ordered him to stop, Walker kept going. They soon caught up to him, however, and charged him with petty theft and resisting an officer.

You might think that Walker is a freshman, perhaps feeling a little high on helping his team make the Elite 8, and felt like a taco was perhaps owed to him. But Walker is a senior who felt deserving of a free taco. If this was, say, a Jamar Samuels type situation, then this theft would be sad. But Walker, who said he was “just playing around” when the cops caught him, looks to be the entitled collegiate-athlete type.

Walker wasn’t arrested, because the police probably recognized that being known as “the basketball player who steals tacos” is punishment enough. He will have to appear in court next month, where he may have to plead guilty to “stealing three dollars worth of tortilla, meat and cheese.” Sorry, that’s lawyer speak for “cheap taco.””

– some news publication.

My favorite part is that Taco’s are amazing.

My second favorite part is that he got chased by the police to which he remarked.  “I was just playing around…”  Take it from Harrison Ford, authority types hate when you run from them.

“I didn’t steal that Taco!”  “I don’t care…”

How does this student athlete who is a top 5 all time leading scorer for Florida not out run Police Officers.  Cops these days are fat as hell.  I can briskly walk past most police and watching me makes them tired.

Fat Cops

Thumb Wrestling for the Taco that was stolen. Getting winded in the process.

I’m pretty sure that cops love food related crimes.  They did a taco line up to figure out which taco was stolen.

Nom Nom Nom.

You guys ate the line up again? Well this handsome fucking blogger helped too.

Makes me recant my previous statement.  I might just kill somebody for a taco.  Dorito Shell Taco Bell? I’d stab for that.

Awesome Song of The Day

Odd Future

Oldie

Seriously one of the best rap songs I’ve heard in ages.  I was never quite sure about these guys but this song is all the talent coming out and not being overshadowed by the weirdness.