It amazes me when people don’t have nice things to say about Arnold Schwarzenegger. They say “that a-hole ruined California”. Not true dick heads. He taught us a awesome way to say California that sounds like Cauliflower. Side note. Cauliflower does not go over well for Valentines Day. That girls loving flowers thing is a bunch of bullshit. Also California never broke off into the ocean. So i’d call his term a 100% success.
I mean his old campaign posters alone should win over your hearts and minds.
ALLLGGHHHHHH! VOTE OR DIE!
MTV and Sean P. Diddy Combs may have made Vote or Die “hip”. But Arnold made it mandatory and literal.
So his campaign manager wanted us to see a softer side of Arnold. The mother vote is key in Califlower.
Aaaalllllgggghhhh! BABIES!
The single mothers vote is big. But don’t forget to Rock the Vote. The youth is a big factor in one election ever and Arnold took a no holds approach to garner those votes.
ALLLRGHHHHH KIDS LOVE ICE CREAM! IF IT MELTS ICE CAN EAT IT!
You can’t forget the elderly people. They still go to the post office; so they know where polling places are and usually end up voting by accident while trying to pay their Readers Digest fees by check.
ALALALRLARLALRALRALGHGGHHHH I WILL WEAR YOUR CHRISTMAS SWEATERS!
That election was over before it even started. What about the Jackie Chan vote?
ALGHH! LETS MAKE THE TUXEDO 2! ALGH!
Ahhh Arnold Governor stuff, I am a very topical guy.
You may want to put on an adult diaper before you start reading this list. About 100% guaranteed to make you either piss, shit or cream your pants. Either way you will need some fresh leggings.
Balthazar Blake
Damon Macready
Benjamin Franklin Gates
Joe
Fu Manchu
Johnny Blaze
Yuri Orlov
Acid Yellow
Captain Antonio Corelli
Memphis Raines
Rick Santoro
Seth
Castor Troy
Sean Archer
Cameron Poe
Dr. Stanley Goodspeed
Little Junior Brown
Sailor Ripley
H.I McDunnough
Al Columbato
Fucking Seriously? There are people out there who don’t fucking like Nick Cage? Those names are National Treasures. Pun totally intended, (bull whip noise) I have no idea how Caster Troy isn’t the number one baby name, boys and girls, every year running. I nicknamed my dangus Dr. Stanley Goodspeed. I like to tell girls that it’s more of a chemical superfreak.
The Homeless Sorcerer. Magnificent bastard pulls it off.
Dear Mom, Dear Dad. Why is my name not Memphis Raines! Or Karl Malone! I would take either! Maybe somebody in my city counsel will read this and just do me a solid and change my name to Memphis Karl Malone Raines II JR Dr. Goodspeed Bees.
There really isn’t even anymore that is needed. Just look at that list. If Delroy Lindo was here talking about his best darn friend in the world, he would just simply say,”A brothers love, is a brothers love.” That’s exactly how I feel about Nick Cage names.
Have you ever noticed there is an electricity in the air during this time of year. Like static electricity bukakke all over the world. It’s not just because my birthday happens and no, it is not the auuraaraa boree-0-lius. Northern Lights, silly. Don’t tell me its the magic of the NLDS. Okay, the Red Sox epic collapse was pretty entertaining to hear about in passing. Not many people are getting wet thinking about Albert Puljos. It is the excitement of everybody under 65 not having to hear about or watch anything to do with baseball for the winter. Sadly, the baseball off season is only about 4 days long. They just drive to Phoenix and start playing again. Somebody said to me. It isn’t that bad, is it? It is America’s game. You know baseball and apple pie. Who even eats apple pie anymore? Fruit dessert? That’s like a tofu popsicle, fucking bullshit! Lou Gerig’s legacy? A horrible disease named after him. Tommy John? Awful surgery. Lou Pinella? Fat Jokes. Well, those are okay. So Lou Pinella walked into a bar and got stuck in the doorway. Yup, another original! Hot off the presses. Extra Extra read all about it. Yum Yum get me some. A little Putt Putt for your butt butt. I have gotta give props to Matt Geracie on the putt putt line, still makes me giggle. Although, when I use that for a grace at family dinners I get the worst looks from my mom.
I decided to do a research project. It can’t be all that bad can it? I mean I previously posted an Amazing baseball video. Karate Kick! I found three things I like about baseball on top of the random insane guy karate kicking people. Which can’t hold my attention forever it has happened a whole once. Those games last for like 5 hours and they play 182 of them? That is 5 trillion baseball games a year. That a hundred billion trillion innings of baseball all time and only 1 crazy hobo got onto the diamond and starting kicking. Probably wanted some hotdogs and when you want hot dog, sometimes people get kicked. That is why I am not allowed at my neighborhood picnic anymore. Apparently Mayor of Blank Town doesn’t like a kick to the side in the dog line.
#1. Baseball to the face.
Baseball to the face. Masterpiece in motion.
Can’t this be a sport? A guy throws a 90 mph fastball into somebodies face and or nads… Okay, you bleeding hearts, we can make it convicted rapists or terrorist or something. But don’t tell me you wouldn’t watch that.
#2) Exploding Birds?
This is Randy Johnson. Rocket Arming a bird to death.
This guy, 2nd point to him he has a gnarly mullet, pitched thousands of innings and the most exciting thing he did was explode a bird once. I explode birds every weekend in my backyard. It only costs a dollar to watch.
3.) The future of America falling down running the bases.
Coordination is not required for baseball. My type of helmet. Not doing a damn thing.
That’s it. Grand Slams? I couldn’t care less. Double plays? I only care about Double Teams.
Comedy, action, multiple colored background. Here is Mr. October, and November through September.
Baseball has one thing going for it, Hotdogs… and Hideki Matsui. He seems nice.
THE A IS FOR AWESOME 