LASER AWESOMENESS: 50TH ANNIVERSARY!

I am a bad lover.  I love lasers and it’s our 50th anniversary today. http://www.cnn.com/2010/TECH/05/14/laser.fifty/index.html?hpt=C2  I didn’t get you anything.  Not a card, or flowers or even chocolates.  Even though you would cut the card in half, with extreme precision.  Burn up the flowers with minimal effort and melt that chocolate into a lovely fondue with which I would rub all over you metal body. 

I have taken so much from you.  Loving movies that exploit you. Hoping the military exploits you soon.  Hoping that we get space guns in the near future so I can laser things at my own free will.  Like a cold burrito.  Put that baby on low and gently rewarm my lunch.  Or if a bear breaks into my house and attempt to eat my face.  Switch that baby to high and laser off a bears head.  Maybe go shark fishing.  I don’t know there are to many things I just get to excited.

What do I give you? Nothing.  I refuse to fund your development. Cause crap baby your expensive.  Have I ever made you dinner? Nope.  When was the last time we watched a sunset? Never, because I am too busy watching them with my dog.  Eligh loves him some emotional sunset watching.  Gotta make sure you bring enough tissues though, cause you get that pup in front of natures granduer (that is gonna stay misspelled spell check doesnt know then I am fucked) and he just loses it.  What a silly goose he is.  He is actually not a goose so that saying makes about as much sense as this post. But thats okay because I love lasers and when you are in love you do silly things. And that’s okay.  So here is to you my old lover.  I will not call you or make you a maccaroni necklace, that is reserved for Jackie Chan, I will not sing or write you a song because I am writing one for the band Live, and I will not go see your folks for Thanksgiving. 

I will however post a bunch of laser porn.

HAPPY BIRTHDAY BABY! I LOVE YOUR GLOW!

 

LASER PUMPKIN! WHY ARE YOU CHEATING ON ME...AND WITH A PUMPKIN? JUST CAUSE I DID THAT DOESN'T MEAN YOU CAN!

UGHHHHHHHH OVERLOAD MUST. CHANGE. MY. PANTS!

 

It is just so hard to stay away. I know it's not healthy but your just so badass.

No song today.

Song Soon

Enjoy your lasers.

FULL OF SHIT AWESOMENESS: MY FAVORITE MARTIAN!

I was perusing the wide selection of movies Free On Demand (comcast better pay me for that plug, cheap bastards).  Ran across something called “My Favorite Martian”.  Sounded fucking great.  I love martians and my favorite one! check and done.  I was ready for 7 hours of heads exploding and baby aliens popping out of chest on far and way distance universes.  I start watching and to my utter dismay and horror this movie was in fact not about Predator.  Rather this crap.

Predator would own this guy. Fuck, Marvin the Martian would own Doc Brown.

Don’t get me wrong, Doc Brown was cool as a Doc Brown in Back to The Future, sure. But Teen Wolf made those movies we all know that.

Here is my list for Martians that would have been much better for this movie.  Keep Jeff Daniels because he is the man and add any one of these.

Predator

Creepaziod (best movie poster ever?)

Alien

Aliens

Alien 3

Jean-Baptiste Emmanuel Zorg

Pizza The Hut

ID4 Aliens

The Rancor

Mac from Mac and Me ( anything that is a blatant low budget rip off of ET I like)

The Night of The Creep Creeps / The Slither things

Space Jam

Three Boobied Total Recall Girl

The giant baby at the end of 2001

and Ewoks

So hollywood, stop with the false advertising.  Next time Jeff Daniels is hanging out with a Martian it better have 3 tits or be made of pizza.

I’m hungry.

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Awesome Song of the Day #114

Live

Lighting Crashes

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HOLIDAY AWESOMENESS: THANKSGIVING!

Thanksgiving.  Turkey’s get food stuffed up their butt and then get cooked… I didn’t make that up, we actually do that.

 

"hey science, find a way to put food up this birds ass... why don't you just use your hand? by god science your good"

 

 

At christmas we don’t shove mashed potatoes up a ducks ass, however that sounds wonderful.  How did we come to this putting food up other foods poopers and how can we do more of it.  I think mac and cheese up a cows ass would probably be like the 2nd coming of jesus.  Hey, religious types thats not blasphemous! Jesus has the blue box blues.

The story of thanksgiving white people sucked at trying to survive and native americans were really good at making turkeys and cranberry sauce.  The pilgrims introduced the natives to the detroit lions and some inflatable things in the air and the rest was history.

Things I am thankful for:

Explosions, godzilla, Marisa miller, space and hover shoes.  Although not invented yet, I am working away with Bill Nye to get those real.

Enjoy your turkey, I know sesame street will :

 

What the hell is cookie monster going to eat?

Have a wonderful Thanksgiving. Don’t forget to give thanks for me.  I am giving thanks for you right now!  More after the holiday!

stuffed!

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Awesome Song of The Day #74

LIVE – SELLING THE DRAMA

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