SCIENCE AWESOMENESS: THE TREE LOBSTER!

I can’t really say I’ve ever cared much for lobsters. I don’t get the fuss over their taste and it just seems weird that we boil them alive for better taste.  I don’t think any of the 11,746 chickens I’ve consumed in my life were ever boiled alive.  It supposedly locks in their soul which makes a great internal gravy. I am getting screwed!

So how do you get my attention? Ohh, the Tree Lobster.  You read that right.  Unless you are illiterate; and then you read that as lkajdkljiljrkldsjlfiaejlasdkfn. What prey-tell is a Tree Lobster? It is only a gigantic dude of a bug that was sick of turning extinct by humans so it hid on a tiny rock cliff island.  But that stupid son of a bitch didn’t realize we humans will search for a lifetime and not stop at anything to extinct everything.  USA! USA! USA!

Action shot of a scientist killing Tree Lobsters the only way science knows of. Fist punching the Thorax.

Science tells us that Tree Lobsters need to be capitalized because they are proper nouns. The More You Know, dum deeedle dum dooo (or however you write that jingle in words).  To bad NBC wasn’t trying to teach people the proper image for a floating rainbow star; and they say rap music corrupts minds.

The best part of the Tree Lobster? Where they live.  Balls Pyramid Island.

Balls. That is all.

I don’t think i’ve been more giddy about information in my life.  Giant bugs that live on Balls Island and it is the coolest looking island of all time. To bad we are going to extinct those bugs and put a Wal-Mart out there.  But ocean pirates need great deals on Bissels too.  Bissels just work great. The suction is wonderful and they come in just jazzy colors.

I would scream like a boiled alive lobster if I saw one of those things. Giant bugs should stay where they belong.  Balls island.

Woot Woot!

Awesome Song of the Day

Big Boi Ft. Kid Cudi

She Hates Me

“If you can hate on anybody, girl, I am glad it was me.”

Big Boi has been doing this for 20 years and it is pitiful how underrated he is.  Outkast for life.

 

 

FOOD AWESOMENESS: CHEDDAR BAY BISCUITS!

I don’t know where the fuck the Bay of Cheddar (proper nouns are capitalized, boom.) is, I imagine a place of cheese near a bay.  I figure it is very literal.  I’ve looked on every map and in every book I own, which is one.  I certainly found Waldo but no Cheddar Bays.  Red Lobster is gross.  I’ve decided to completely ignore sensical segways and approach this from a very schizophrenic mindset.  Banana.  Red Lobs is a buttery catfish, fried and served with iceberg lettuce for $20.00.  I have no idea why people go there. I have probably had it 10 times and the only thing I get when I go is diarrhea; maybe heart burn if I’m lucky.  Then a light showned on my face and I asked the server to turn off the flood light that was over my table.  She said that it came on because of the tornado outside and I had to go to the basement for shelter and survival.  Bossy.  As people are running for their lives I see a half eaten biscuit sitting on a nearby table.  Seducing me. Rabbits.  I’m thinking this isn’t the biscuit plaza down on 8th street.  This is the shit lobster.  So I do what most people probably do at that time.  I eat off somebody else’s plate. Jeez stop judging me, I didn’t say I ate out of the toilet.  But, on a unrelated note, you didn’t see any cheddar bay biscuits floating in there did you?  Okay, just making sure. Carmel sandwich.  The homeless dumpster man outback always tries to steal my toilet food.

Sorry, I fast forwarded to the future to much.  Rewind to the past.  I don’t know where Cheddar Bay is.  Wait to far. So monkey tricycle. Wait, to far forward. Eating off a strangers plate. Ahhh just right.  Or Just Wright, the just cheerfully romantic movie where Queen Latifa somehow gets a person to love her.  Queen Latifa has a couple choices for who would love her. Common and LL Cool J are neither.

#1.

Might even be out of Latifah's league.

#2.

Pizza the Hut. Although a wild night of Latifah will probably result in her being fatter and him being dead.

Although, if you are a stickler for history, Pizza the Hut already died when he ate himself.  But you get my reference.  Queen Latifah eats full humans anyways so no reason to make it a pizza monster.

Did you know that Queen L endorses Pizza Hut and Jenny Craig.  She walks out of Pizza Hut and into Jenny Craig.  Cashes checks the whole time.  Fuck how is that not my life.  I hang outside Jenny Craigs and Pizza Huts all the time.  Why is it that I am only arrested?

–

So, I put this cheddary bay biscuit in my mouth and it melts.  Like a cheddar filled bread M&M.  I get it.  I get why people go to Red Lobster.  Those fucking heaven sent biscuits are National Treasures. NT3CBB (National Treasure Three: Cheddar Bay Biscuits.

Hey, Latifa! Stay away from Cheddar Bay. I would kill myself if you ate all the biscuits. Stay away from Pizza Hut and Lyle Lovett for that matter.

Weirdest thing I have seen in a while?  A UPS man, raking a alley.  He then got into a BMW wagon and drove away.  I promise I saw this.  What can Brown do for you?  Apparently rake alleys. True hero.  Thanks guy.

AWESOME SONG OF THE DAY

WZRD (Kid Cudi & Dot Da Genius)

Teleport 2 Me, Jamie (fucking awesome Desire sample from Drive)

 

Fuck Waldo! Goldbug Forever!

 

SATURDAY NIGHT MUSICAL ORGY!!!!!!

It is Saturday night, Point Break is on TV.  I have downloaded  a bunch of new music and had a Mrs. Fields cookie ice cream sandwich.  Life is pretty freakin amazing sometimes. I figured I’d massage your ear drums with the sweet sound of good music.  I also thought about doing a naked helicopter in my culdesac but figured I’d get arrested.

Song #1

The Pass – Treatment of the Sun

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Song #2

Big Boi Ft. Gucci Mane

Shine Blockers

Beat is smooth like my ass, vocals are clean like my record, collabo tight like my ass also???? I am not as good at that as rappers … Actually… I like em.  In your face rappers

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Song #3

All Summer – Converse (Cudi, Best Coast, guy from Vampire Weekend)

just a great song, if this doesn’t make you tap your toes.  Well listen to something else that does.

——-

Song #4

Electric Tickle Machine

FUN

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Song #5

Delta Mirror

He was worse than the needle he gave you

I figure that will be good for you.  Enjoy. Can I also recommend a Mrs Fields Cookie Ice Cream sandwich? Do your self a favor and get one of them.  If you do yourself a favor do you owe you one? When are you ever even?  You better clean your brains off the wall that I just exploded with my deepness.