So I saw a video that is making the rounds on the world wide web. It involves the youngest member of MENSA, which I always thought stood for the Men Space Association. Which was great cause we don’t want coodies in space. We have enough problems to worry about with giant solar flares that are going to cause 2012. I saw that movie. We are fucked. I am still trying to find John Cusack so he can wisk me to safety. No Amanda Peet though. That lady is annoying. So this kid is a badass. A certified genius by the age of 3. Loves donuts and just yells I have to poop when its time to bathroom.
Here watch this.
That kid is a spitting image of me. Not when I was a kid… Right now. That kid and I could hang out. At work I keep getting dirty looks because after my morning coffee I just yell.
“Ohhh boy I have to doo doo”
Until somebody brings me a bucket or I doo doo my sweatpants. Yeah, I am allowed to wear sweatpants to my office. I don’t get fired because I think they think I am mentally handicapped.
First thing that kid does while at the Today Show. Eat a bakers dozen. Who cares about meeting Al Roker. Those fucking donuts have frosting and sprinkles!
What about that kids horrible parents. Their kid is screaming I have to shit my fucking pants on national television and what do they do. Tell her to shut the fuck up and stop ruining their moment for making such a smart baby. At one point the dad like a smug piece of shit says. “I’m sorry about this” What! You’re sorry that your just passed being a baby child has to crap and she isn’t being more polite about it???? I wish that kid would have just dropped trow and shit all over her dads feet. Then flipped him off and yelled I’m out. That’s what I would do. Probably why I wasn’t invited back to the today show for my amazing lowest IQ score ever. I posted it on my fridge. That interviewer is a cunt too. That is a harsh word. I know my mom told me not to use it unless I am talking about draculas. But that skank face couldn’t roll with the punches either. Ohh your tummy hurts. Well stop ruining my bit! I don’t want to go back to ring girl at the holiday inn cage fights. I wish a car came through that building and took out that kids parents and the interviewer. That car would be driven by Steven Hawkings mind. He would bring her to MENSA head quarters and she could eat all the donuts her heart desires and then cure cancer. That kid rules.
I want a bakers two dozen. That’s 43 donuts. Hey, I didn’t make up the math.
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AWESOME SONG OF THE DAY
ROMAN CANDLE
THEY SAY
I wish I could sing and not make windows break and heads explode. It is my greatest power and my greatest downfall. Ohh sweet justice.
My grandfather once said that Russians were no better than animals which was confusing to me because animals are awesome. Duckbilled Platypus or Flying Squirrels? No more words needed about that. The extent of my knowledge of Russians is what I have learned from James Bond and they are usually trying to take over the world. I disagree, if they are anything like their Prime Minister, old Vlad Putin, they are just trying to enjoy the finer things in life.
When I have a rough day at work what is the first thing I want to do when I get home? Bubble Bath? That is second. Double Dutch competition with the Jensen sisters down the street? That is saturday morning stuff. Shirtless Horseback riding? Ding Ding Ding.
He is probably going off to hand to hand combat a Russian Bear. Then wear its skin home.
That is awesome. Obama ever done anything this cool? Not likely. Somebody would probably complain about skin cancer or animal abuse. Putin knows the secret to a good leader is a fantastic tan.
After he rides the horse to the edge of death what does he do? He lets his steed drink water while he takes a gentle dip to recharge his engines and cool his weary bones.
Relax? I meant to say Butterfly Stroke, a perfect one at that, across a lake that is probably 5 miles long.
All this shirtless horseback and olympic quality swimming has got him hungry. He chops down a tree and makes a fishing pole.
Actually he is now fishing for whales off the coast of Siberia.
After he eats his whale. He needs to let off a little aggression. Some silly American was caught spying on him. Instead of chopping off his head or drowning him in a kiddy pool during his sons sweet 16. Judo throw!
Please go tell Obama to stop spying on me and if he wants to shirtless hang glide I am going next weekend over Chechnya.
Whoa that is a long day. I need to win the World Cup for mother russia. But we can only play in suits. Because not only are we obviously superior to all other countries in all ways, but we need to look dashing at the same time.
Fuck you Ronaldo. This is how you make soccer look good.
Somebody should teach these Russians that if they bunch like that they are going to get killed on the counter attack. ohhh the KGB will just shoot the other team? That works too.
THE A IS FOR AWESOME 