INTERGALACTIC AWESOMENESS: THE SUN!

Soooooo, I was staring at the sun today and went blind which reminded me who was the boss.  The sun, if it wanted, of course it could explode the planet Earth with flame balls and explosions.  Do you know what happens on the sun everyday? Solar Explosions!  The Sun sends out cosmic Hadukens all day ever day!  If you fell onto the sun not only would your face melt off but so would your pants!  Then your balls would get burnt and you’d have no pants! You would be so embarassed trying to hitch hike with aliens back to Earth!

Me - "Hey Sun! Stop exploding Venus! It's just a little guy!" - the Sun "fuck venus"

Well Venus is gone.  Which is fine, Venus always made me think of veiny penises anyways. (i’ll give you some time to let that sink in).  I once heard some guy on the street tell me that the sun not only burns at a trazillion degrees but that it burns at blue when its sad!  Like a mood ring or mood eye patch, which is what Pirates used to wear.

Me - "It's okay sun, I know you miss Venus, but you were the one who melted it with all those explosions." The Sun - "I... know...(sniffles and trembling lower lip)"

I also heard some “scientist” tell me that the sun is actually a smaller sized star and there are countless other stars that are bigger, brighter and hotter.  I said, scientist you’re obviously not a scientist of english, cause if there were more than 1, why is ours called THE SUN, not just, Some Sun In the Midst Of Millions Of Other Suns That May Or May Not Be Bigger Or Better… He said, what are the other stars then… to that I said, no more questions! and then this…

Suck it Scientist!

Then I ran away cause the cops saw me and apparently you can’t kick scientist in the nutz.  Whatever America! I am going to Soviet country.

END!

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Awesome song of the Day #55 Goes out to all my Peeps in NYC!

They Might Be Giants – New York City

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ANIMAL AWESOMENESS: SLOTHS 3 and 2 Toed Varieties… It’s all good baby!

Longest title yet!  That is a victory in my book.  Your book is probably not as good as my book.  My book is filled with explosions and 3 toed sloths with a few cameos by 2 toed sloths and 1 cameo by Frank Stallone. Your book is about math or equations of some sort…. LAME – O.

Wow, I am the UNtalented Stallone. Which means I am still the 3rd coolest person in the room. 1) Author (me fuckers!) 2) Sloths! 3) Frankie "baby face" Stallone! Fair Enough I think! WORDS!

I wonder what that is like….being the Frank Stallone, you could never be the focus of family conversations.  Well you were in this GEM!.  Yea, post apocalyptic world where the main means of travel is roller blading.  I can’t even find the trailer on line!  Thats incredible! My 4 seconds of searching yielded nothing!  BOOO!

So Sloths, are super cool.  They aren’t fast, can’t time travel or fly.  But they have super big claws and look weird.  Yep thats it.  I don’t know really what it is…but just look at one.  You can’t help but like it.  I am pretty sure they have no natural predators.  Except, tigers, lions, jaguars, humans, sharks, gremlins, bows and arrows, astroids and when she was alive, Mother Teresa.  Mother Teresa love some Sloth Stew mixed with chicken stock.  Saint my ass!

Picture Moment!

Chewbacca + Ewok + Robin Williams (think about it) Hint: He's on Coke! Hint: Very Hairy!

I know babies are usually very cute.  If not stupid people wouldn’t always say…googooo gayyyyy gayyy various baby noises and stupid faces!  I usually give babies a swift punch to the throat in defiance of the status quo.  But my baby words quota is meet with these things.

HAHA It looks like a 85 year old human man...

So what did we learn.  Frank Stallone is actually not as cool as sloths, and they look like really old dudes and the XX makes nifty music.

ASTA LA VEEEESTA BABY! (Spelling is all good I swear!)

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Awesome Song of the Day # 49

The XX

Basic Space

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