Archive for Butt Cannon

I’m back. I didn’t die. But let me tell you about it!

Posted in Awesome, awesome song of the day, awesomness, blog, comedy, Humor, Sickness with tags , , , , , , , on May 3, 2012 by tsanda

I took a few days off last week to enjoy the company of a good friend who was in town.  Sunday was going to be a productive day.  Then, I had the joy of taking some time off from living life as a functioning human being to enjoy the joys of food poisoning.  What was the culprit? Some undercooked chicken from Chipotle.  I am a lucky guy.  I have had food poison my body 4-5 times.  I can mark Deli Zone, Denny’s and now Chipotle off the list of places I will ever eat again.  Food poisoning is a wicked good workout though.  Full body dry heaves to tighten the core and my buns.  Losing all water and food weight for that slimming summer body.  It is pretty wonderful.  I am pretty sure I even hallucinated that Willem Dafoe was wearing trash bag coveralls.

Willem Dafoe, Streets of Fire, Raven

Ohh wait that was just Streets of Fire.

Streets of Fire was my nickname for my buttle during this whole ordeal.  Food poisoning has to be nature’s sodomy.  Something god does to people he is mad at.  There is something shameful feeling about sitting indian style in your shower just to try and feel clean.  Probably because every time in a movie when somebody is just hanging out in a shower something terrible really did just happen to them.

Do you want visual of my bodies purge?

Katy Perry, Food Poisoning, Cannon

This is the G Rated yet still disgusting image of what was going on.

To help your imagination if you are having trouble. I actually dye my chode hair blue and my legs are that sexy smooth.  It’s weird that so many people were paying me to do this to them.  But like my mom always said.  There are a lot of freaks out there.

I was researching this post by trying to find Willem Dafoe wearing plastic and Katy Perry diarrhea gun.  I am on some blogs for some awesome search term stats.

I’m glad other people got to endure my pain with me.  I found this awesome article online.

“317 Youngsters, Adults suffer food poisoning after children’s party in Mexican Village”

The best part of the story is what they got sick eating.  Spaghetti, Beef, Salsa and Cake.  What a ramshackle assortment of food. Spaghetti for a birthday with mystery beef? What the hell does the salsa go on the cake? No wonder they all vomited all over each other.  They are investigating the cause of the poisoning?  Let’s be fair here people.  You have a birthday in a Mexican village you are probably as likely to get your head cut off in a drug war as you are to get food poisoning.

Okay.  I haven’t really slept in 4 days so I am going to attempt that.  I will probably read this later and wonder what the fuck I was talking about.   But that would require me to know how to read.





I love me some Beach House.