FROZEN TREAT AWESOMENESS: OTTER POPS!

Otter Pops are about 5 cents a piece.  Which is fucking crazy because I have been killing people for years for otter pops.  I didn’t realize I could afford them. Color me embarrassed and a serial killer.  When I was a kid I was a cereal killer but I found that eating real people was way more satisfying than eating Capt. Crunch.  Much more paleo to eat human flesh.

Note * Mom, I am not a cannibal…

Note * My mom doesn’t read this…

Note * I am a cannibal…

Summer is hot.  That sun is an asshole.  … You need a frozen treat to keep those core temperatures down when playing with your micro machines in the sand box or starting ants on fire…Double Dutch on the asphalt is a one way ticket to heat stroke mister!  Wait a minute my mom does read this! Yeah! Thanks mom!.  I will put on sun tan lotions I promise.

When you eat regular popsicles there are so many pit falls you can get into.  Breaking off too big a piece into your mouth, then your tongue and cheeks get way to cold as you try to deal with this situation.  It drips on your fingers and then they are way sticky.  You have to put up with worse jokes on the stick then even I come up with… If you’re roughhousing you are going to stab your eyes out with that weapon if you’re not careful.

Tragic Popsicle Tragedy, I but he wishes he would have bought otter pops! All he wants is an Otter Pop to soothe his soul and gapping face wound.

Otter Pops are superior to all other frozen treats in nearly every way.  Mainly because they come in packs of one thousand and fifty-five.  You need an entire empty freezer to keep all of the otter pops at bay.  But usually only need 1 day to eat them all.  Not to mention all the wacky flavors! Cherry! Whoa! Grape!!! GRAPE!!! HOLY FUCK GRAPE!!!

Otters choking down seaweed when the Otter Pops ran out.

The moral of the story is that Otters are cute.  Losing an eye is real shitty and I can finally stop killing people.  Today was a good day.

You know what sucks more than no Otter Pops?  Standing outside of a broken phone booth with money in your hand.

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Awesome Song of The Day #159

Primitive Radio Gods

Standing Outside…fuck it I’m not writing that all out again.

Shit quality, but what are ya gonna do its vevo.

BIRD AWESOMENESS: LOONS!

I like loons.  They are neat ducks.  Wikipedia states however they are not in fact ducks, a completely different species of birds.  Hey wikipedia, how about this fact of nature? They all used to be velociraptors….  Where is your fancy facts now? Yea thought so, all birds are the same because they used to be things that killed Samuel L. Jackson while he tried to turn the power back on.  Science lesson done.

Loons make cool noises.  Watch this clip while you sleep.  Subliminally.

They are very soothing, like hot rock massages.  Forget sounds of the jungle, think sounds of the loon.  But why I love loons more is because these calm and seemingly normal creatures get associated with crazy people like say Gary Busey.  People call ole Busey “looney” and it gives those sweet ducks a bad name.

The creator of words saw this.

Don't be afraid to nap for a few minutes after looking at these guys and listening to their calls... they are natures 12 beers in 30 minutes.

Then they thought those wondrous creations of vishnu describe this guy really well.

I see the resemblance, the pearl necklaces.

Ahh to be an old timey cave man, and get to name things.  That wondrous life has been extinct to modern homosapians for a long time.  All you had to do was just put letters together and nobody questioned you.  Xylophone? Really? Who can you call with it and what the shit is a xylo.  I would have been way better … instead of cow – sazlar.  Chicken – sazlar. Space —? Yep fried chicken. Doesn’t matter there is not point of reference.  Win win win cavemen rule!

For our song of the day I dedicate it to the memory of REAL fried chicken, and big fake boobs!

enjoy

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Awesome Song of the Day #104

Kenny Rogers and Dolly Parton

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WEAPON AWESOMENESS: TANKS!

Hand to hand combat blows, air to air combat…boring, space to space…next level shit, I will admit that.  But honestly, why are all wars not fighted with tanks.

Poor countries tanks are white compact cars with an okay grille...sorry estonia... you suck!

New rules of war… Each country gets 1 tank.  You can’t afford a tank then you lose World War Tanks.  Tough shit Estonia those are the rules.  Each country can pick their crew for their tank.  I am in charge of tank crews… why? Because Barack Obama said so…that’s why.  He trust my tank crew building abilities.

US TANK CREW

1) Nick Cage – Admiral.  Little known factoid.  A+ tank driver

2) Bob Ross – Targeting systems – just gets landscapes + he would paint the camo on it, with at least 1 happy tree.

3) The Wu Tang Clan – 8 dudes to do other such things like explosions, gas getting and tank top closing.  It looks hard to close a tank top, I wish they had screw tops that makes more sense.

4) Gavin Rosdale – what? He would play acoustic versions of Bush Songs in the background… duh Soothing to the other war heroes.

thats all I need

Bob Ross took 5 seconds and drew us a tank!

Just brings tears to the eyes. Why did Bob Ross have to die in a tragic tank war accident?

Tanks are huge! and metal! and shoot explosions at terrorists.  Soon tanks will fly and float.  If i were a submarine, which I am not, I would be scared of tanks underwater.  They would be like dolphins of the war world.  Smart and adorable, but deadly…

It’s 3 degrees here… dear christ this sucks.

End

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Awesome Song of The Day #78

Meat Loaf – I’d Do Anything for Love ( not the whole thing but good)

This song is dedicated to Aaron Nation.  Enjoy.

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