Archive for bill nye

MARS ROVER AWESOMENESS: ALIEN WW3!

Posted in Aliens, Awesome, awesome song of the day, awesomness, Bill Nye, Monsters, Science, Space with tags , , , , , , , , , , , on November 26, 2012 by tsanda

I am really damn excited for the Mars Rover.  You bet your ass I am topical as hell! Current events, son!

 

Mars Rover

That Rover has Space Dementia!

Nobody talks about the 80 trillion dollar Robocop we put on Mars to take this photograph.

We, yes we, the North Americans minus Polar Bears and Canada dropped a fucking RC Racer onto the Mars and are currently exploring the shit out of it.  Finding monsters and aliens and Spocks all damn day.

Bill Nye: Nearly none of that is true. Ass.

Me: Hey! Bill. Shut up.  Well after you tell me which part I am right about….

Bill Nye: Polar Bears and Canada didn’t help.

Me: Duh. Polar Bears are dumb as hell and Canada is poor. USA! USA! USA!

Bill Nye: Jeez. No Monsters or Aliens or singular Spock either. It just rolls around at 2″ per second and cores the soil and takes measurements.

Me: Ugh. Boring. 2″ a second?  It would take that hoss all of 6 seconds to measure my….

Bill: Gross.

Me: You cut me off.  Dick.

Bill: Yea, we got that.

Me: USA USA USA!

Bill: ….

Don’t worry.  Mr. Nye left.  Sometimes he can’t handle talking science with me.  Like when I beat NAS in rap battles. Which are usually about Bill Nye wearing tie dye while drinking a mai tai.

NAS: …… ( silence just like the end of 8 Mile )

I like explaining written jokes.  Means they are good.

The only really cool thing that is going to come from the Mars Rover is now Aliens on other planets can see we are getting pretty cool over here on Earth and it is time to blow us up.  Which I mean is really all anybody can ask for in this life.

MUSIC!

AWESOME SONG OF THE DAY

MOTORAMA

GHOST (Acoustic)

Easily my current favorite band.  Mind blowing.

Have a lovely Thanksgiving next year.  Like to get it out of the way early.

Bye!

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BINARY AWESOMENESS: 10101000100101010100!!!!!

Posted in Awesome, awesome song of the day, awesomness, Bill Nye, blog, comedy, Dork, Humor, Internet Photographs, Technology, What the Fuck? with tags , , , , , , , , , , , on May 16, 2012 by tsanda

1001010101010010101010101010101010100000011111101010111010101010001101010000000100000111111101010101001011110101010

1010101100101010100000001111101010000101010101010101010101000001011101110001110001101010

10100101

“10001110100101010000110001”

“100010011101110000011101010101”

Binary, Blog, Humor, Jokes, Humor, Awesomeness

0001001110101001010101 101001010101010!!!

11010010010011010100001010101010001111111111110111111111011111110000010101010 01 10100 0101 10 10 10 100000111010 1010101 010101

010101010 101 101010010101 0101

101010 1010 01 011111000 10101 01 010 10 01010010101

0101 101 0010011000 10101001

01010101

Binary, Blog, Humor, Jokes, Humor, Awesomeness

10101010101 10101 01010101010

10101 00101 01010 101001 01 010 10 10  23827828917189728179838928972817  10 1010010101 1010 10101 100010100101 01010 010100101010

0101010

10101

101010 100100 1010

Binary, Blog, Humor, Jokes, Humor, Awesomeness

1010101010101????

10101!!!

1010 1010101010!

1100101010

1001010

—-

 

 

Bill Nye “what the fuck is wrong with you?”

“1001010010”

FOOD AWESOMENESS: A SMORGASBORD!

Posted in Awesome, awesome song of the day, awesomness, Bill Nye, blog, comedy, Dork, Explosions, Food, Humor, Science, Stuff, Stupid with tags , , , , , , , , , , , , on April 16, 2012 by tsanda

First and foremost. Go see Cabin in the Woods.  It is amazing.  I won’t tell you anything else.  You just have to go see it.  Then see it immediately again.

Know what I looked like after seeing it?

Scanners, Head Explosion

I am nice dresser when I go to the cinema.

I like food.  I post about it often.  Food makes our bodies work. It make us poop and fart and those things are half my material. It tastes great. It is awesome to have somebody drive my food to my house so I don’t have to stop watching the Real Housewives or Colombo.  It fuels my muscles so I can tear apart phone books at will or do a circuit of shirtless jumping jacks for the babes at the park.

Sigh.

It is usually really restrictive though. Like I order a pizza and they never just stop at chipotle and dairy queen for me on the way.  A man doesn’t have just one craving.  Men are hungry and indecisive. Who can save the day? Ikea.  I mean swedish people.

A smorgasbord is literally a giant table full of any food you want or can fit on the table.  It is all of my human desires laying on a table. You can’t be wrong on a smorgasbord.  Don’t have turkey on Thanksgiving?

Scanners, Head Explosion

NO TURKEY!!??!?!?! AHHHHHH BLAMO! Damn It Uncle Phil. You got brains on the nice table cloth again...

Don’t have jelly beans on your smorgasbord? No big deal.  We got Sour Patch Kids, 3 Dominos Pizzas and a half sour gallon of milk mixed with snapple and robatussin.

Even the word itself is fucking incredible.

“The Swedish word smörgåsbord consists of the words smörgås (open-faced sandwich) and bord (table). Smörgås in turn consists of the wordssmör (butter) and gås (goose). Gås literally means goose, but later referred to the small pieces of butter that formed and floated to the surface of cream while it was churned”

So it’s genieology is from an open faced sandwich on a table.  Great start.  What does open faced sandwich come from? Ohhh just a little butter goose.   Goose is gas? You already know how I feel about gas.

You could have a grilled cheese, Karl Malone, beggin strips, beanie weenies, a rocket launcher, lox, cake frosting, Dorito Tacos, a vhs copy of Tombstone recorded from TNT with the commercials, Wendy’s spicy chicken, a live chicken and a dead chicken to keep that fucking live chicken in line, dunkaroos, Ed 209, saltines, Mr. Pibb, 72 ounce steak, astronaut food, pop tarts and toaster struedal together as friends and everybody at the table would hold hands and thank some viking god, smergan flergan mcdergan (he’s partially scottish) and nobody would question anything.

Could you imagine the look on Bill Nye’s face when walking into our Valentines day Smorgasbord?

Well I’d have to take the velvet blindfold and handcuffs off first.  But then…

Bill Nye's head exploding. Scanners, Head Explosion

AHHHH SCIENCE! KAPOW!

I assume Bill Nye will yell Ahhh Science prior to dying. Why? Well it’s our safety word.

On that note.

AWESOME SONG OF THE DAY

Julian Plenti

Only If You Run

Whey are you reading this? Go see Cabin in the Woods!

 

DEAR FUCKING GOD GOOBY IS SCARY!

Posted in Awesome, awesome song of the day, awesomness, Bill Nye, blog, Children, comedy, Dork, Humor, Toys, What the Fuck? with tags , , , , , , , , , , , on April 2, 2012 by tsanda

Apparently World-Fest Film Festival in Houston is entirely populated by members who hate children and terror free nights.  Kids have enough to be scared of without having teddy bears all of a sudden being horrifying.  I mean I am only partially still a kid.

Bill Nye – Partially being a kid doesn’t really make sense Mr.  When you turn 18 you really are an adult.

Mr. (me) – Well by partially I mean I still wet my bed occasionally twice a night.  I like to one night stand ladies.  Instead of a note by the door, it’s a wet mattress.

Bill Nye – I think that just makes you disgusting.

Me – I eat crayons and glue?

Bill Nye – You’re probably going to die soon.  How often do you eat that?

Me – How often is dinner?

Bill Nye ….

Yea, I love shutting that brainiac up.  I kept spelling brainiac, braniac.  Which is also true.  I love me some fucking bran muffins.  COB, a little sexy bowl of Cracklin Oat Bran.  Really gives me boners.

Jeans with built in underwear

You see that fold by the crotchal and left leg? Not a fold. Me blastin through. If you could see me I am holding up a hand for a high five.... i'll wait.

I bet gooby would wear those pants.

Who the fuck is this gooby character you are talking about.

Satan.

In simple terms.  Satan.

Movie executive: Let us make a wholesome family film.  As a basis we will make a children’s toy comes to life and teach a spunky youngin to live life to the fullest and not be scared of any obstacles.  Even Eugene Levy.

This sounds oddly familiar.  Kids toy.  Coming to life?…

Can’t quite put my fist on it.  I don’t like to point with a finger.  I like to point with my fist.  Much more authority.

Child's Play, Chucky

Ohhh, that fucking thing...

No no no.  Gooby is wholesome! Gooby is fun.  Gooby is life lessons.  Gooby would never violently rape a kid.

Gooby

Damnit. Not again Gooby.

Well, thanks Eugene Levy.  You ruined Teddy Bears for me.

Gooby

Hi Child. Remember how you would let your family dog hump me? Everybody got a great laugh? Spot is humping the stuffed animal.. HAHAHA. Well spot is dead.... and so are you parents.

Why is it that Gooby looks like really hairy fat guys back?

These photos don’t do this fucking monster any justice

at one point that bastard gooby throws timmy’s dead body in some leafs.

Although you got to wonder why is Eugene Levy so intently reading that toilet paper.  Does he not get how to use it?  Is this a new product to him?

He probably uses the three seashells.

AWESOME SONG OF THE DAY!

THEOPHILUS LONDON

I Stand Alone

That cleansed my brain. Thanks TL.

 

 

 

 

TIME AWESOMENESS: DAY LIGHT SAVINGS TIME!

Posted in Awesome, awesome song of the day, awesomness, Bill Nye, comedy, Dork, Humor, Nature, Science, Stupid with tags , , , , , , , on March 3, 2012 by tsanda

My supervisor told me yesterday that next weekend is Day Light Savings Time. After one of these.

Hooray for something! My office is a sunsetey beach? Well, technically having to pick up trash while chained to other people next to a guy on a horse with a shotgun isn't really considered a "job" persay. But my folks like to tell other people that I work outside.

Followed by one of these:

An Asian Grandpa taking a doo doo? Well jumping for joy makes me diarrhea prone and that photo is incredible. I hope they won that pulitzer.

I realized that I am pretty sure she is waiting for me to be an hour late and or early.  I like to game time decision whether or not I am going to fall forward or spring back. Routine is for suckers.  Although if you are 1 hour early to work nobody cares.  14 seconds late and you’re out looking for raccoons to eat.

Bill Nye: “That science doesn’t make sense.”

Me: “Well, you’re late, so you get fired.  Then you need something to wipe your tears away with and raccoon hides are super absorbent and the tongue is a delicacy. So you can be tear free, like baby shampoo, and not hungry.  Why do dogs and babies get the tear free shampoo and I am stuck here with this acid shit.  I always come out of the shower crying and people always assume I either just shit in the tub or saw myself in the mirror and burst into tears.”

Bill Nye: “Hey there flabs, you shit the tub again?”

Me: “It’s the goddamn shampoo!”

Bill Nye: “That is why I use baby shampoo”

Me: “That’s why you are the scientist and I just ate a raccoon.”

Why is it that we don’t have all the time day light savings time. I know in winter the sun is lower in the horizon and it’s naturally darker earlier.  I can live with that but then we decided to move our clocks so the sun goes down at 4:45 and we do it on purpose.  If we were drunk or an acid that action may make sense.  But we are just increasing the amount of time that vampires get to kill us and that is silliness. Just plain silliness.

Luckily I am powder from that movie and don’t go outside anyways.  F U vampires.  I’ll never invite you inside.  You’re just gonna have to go to my neighbor’s house.  They are idiots they will let you in.  Just don’t get my spare key from their drawer.

Crap.

AWESOME SONG OF THE DAY

BOB SEGER

We’ve Got Tonight

Bob Seger would stab John Cougar in the junk with his guitar.

SHIT TALKING AWESOMENESS: LEBRON JAMES EDITION!

Posted in awesome song of the day, awesomness, Basketball, blog, comedy, Dork, Humor, Music with tags , , , , on February 13, 2012 by tsanda

People have awesome ways of saying they are going to kick peoples asses.  I like the old stand by.  Hey, Buddy. I’ll punch you in the throat with my fists. You can also use. Yo Guy. Stop touching my Mazda Protege or I will drive it into your house. Bill Nye “the Science Guy” doesn’t use violent words.  He just throws beakers of molten acid on your grille piece and laughs.  He then drives away in a car with grass on it, because he is one bad ass environmentalist.

Another Classic Nye Post Acid Attack Face. Zany Guy.

What the hell is going on on that TV behind Nye.

Bill Nye. “Bondage hot dog eating…”

Me “….” “ahhhHHHHH, AHHH!!!!’ “ACID!”

Bill Nye. “What have I said about looking at me”

Me “AHHHHH! ACID”

Bill Nye – Post Acid Face (refer to above photograph)

Would Bill Nye’s rap name be Ill Nye?

Lebron James apparently is from 1924 and has the best fighting lingo I have heard in ages.

I read the first 4 sentences of this article and knew I didn’t have to read any more.  That would be a waste of time.  I also knew that it was from yahoo news so nobody else is going to read it to check my shit.

http://sports.yahoo.com/blogs/nba-ball-dont-lie/lebron-threatened-kick-heckler-butt-gotta-problem-tough-153104602.html

That is the article if you are so inclined.

However this is all you needed.

“LeBron James told a heckling fan that he wanted to kick his tail all over the beltway, and if anyone has a problem with LeBron saying as much to that fan they can just take their heckles somewhere else”

I know this is a paraphrase.  But I only want to imagine this is how the whole thing went down.  Beltway? What the fuck is that.  The only people who can say things like, “I want to kick his tail” Are people like me who are very nasally and have to push their glasses up on their face as they say it.  Also, if you don’t like the heckling you can just take your heckles elsewhere? This solves nothing.  Pacifism never entertained me.  So I close my eyes and picture old basketball shooter McChinStrap (that lebron) kicking tails across beltways.  Only to get hit by Bill Nye’s Mazda Protege.

AWESOME SONG OF THE DAY

OBERHOFER

I CAN GO

Currently Pole Position for My favorite song of February 13, 2012.  Keep up the good work. Only two hours to keep that spot! Fuck I just told people what time zone I am in.  Here come the barrage of fan hand jobs.

SEE THROUGH SEA MONSTER AWESOMENESS: JELLYFISH!

Posted in Awesome, awesome song of the day, awesomness, blog, comedy, Dork, Humor, Nature with tags , , , , , , , , , , on August 23, 2010 by tsanda

Hey Jellyfish, I like your style.  That is what I would say if I ever met a jellyfish in any other venue than a library.  You need to be quiet in libraries, so yelling, HEY JELLYFISH! I LIKE YOUR STYLE! is gonna get me a quick and swift, kick in the nads, by a jelly fish tentacle.  Which is poisonous so my nads melted.  Little known fact, jellys are avid readers.  Lots of Kurt Vonnegut and Dan Brown.  I am kidding, nobody reads Kurt Vonnegut.  Jellyfish are cool cause they are see through. I like things I can see through and that are poisonous.  They are like, hey swimmer… don’t worry about me… You can’t see me, so it’s okay.  Only sharks suck cause you can see them and their teeth… they have scary teeth.  Since you can’t see me it’s okay… I am harmless.  ZAP! your dead.  Just like that.

Jellyfish, Rave

I am pretty sure that this Jellyfish is tripping so much E. How do I know??? He is clearly at a rave...duh.

I have to stop this post! I have to warn that turtle, that is dumb, to stop what it is doing!  Nobody told that turtle that Jellyfish cannot actually be rubbed on bread and eaten with peanut butter!  They so sour!  Nature is full of shit.  Turtles are too cute to die horrible, acidy tentacle in the face deaths.

Turtle eats jellyfish

Holy crap, Yertle is dumb as shit.

Wait, Bill Nye just called me.

Play Voicemail

“Hey Dude, some turtles can eat some Jellyfish you stupid jackass… are we still on for canasta later, love bill”

Me (jump fist pump) —-why? Turtle is okay, canasta with the masta of science.  My night is set.

dead turtle

I guess Bill Nye was full of shit. He never showed up for Canasta.

Ahhh thanks for reading. I hope yall come back soon now!

Your back? Get a hobby. I don’t know what, dancing?

—-

Awesome Song of The Day #132

NEON INDIAN / REMIX BY BRAHMS

if you don’t know either of those groups.  Go learn stuff.