LITTERING CAMPAIGNS: WASHINGTON STATE!

Everybody knows the famous Texas slogan.  Don’t mess with Texas.  Great fodder for T-shirts and the back of underwear.  You know like a pun about shitting your undies.  Which apparently is an epidemic in Texas.  It must be the water or general disregard for bathrooms and hygiene.  But I have to be honest this slogan has nothing on Washington States slogan.  I am up here working for my work, doing work.  I was driving on the just lovely I-5 going either north or south.  This is a wonderful little stretch of Americana.  Tree’s and beavers frolic like butterflies at dusk.  Yes that tree’s should be possessive.  The 2nd one was just a fucking stupid mistake.  But I haven’t figured out backspace yet or language.

Apparently, Tom Cruise is going to be in a musical?  I wonder if he will make Tom Cruise running face. I have attached the most amazing video. Not only does this guy get the humor of Tom Cruise running, but he makes an awesome video and chooses the best song of all times.

Sorry, I got side tracked by the TV playing at the Africa Club in the Sea-Tac airport.  Which is a confused place here in white peopleville. Although to be fair they have a dish that gives you AIDs for authentic Africa flavor.  I wonder what flavor AID’s has.  Probably a lot like diarrhea mixed with nutmeg.

So Washington is a beautiful state, not like my home state, where we just through garbage out our windows cause, well fuck it.  That’s our litter slogan.  It is widely successful.  Just huge billboards with a half eaten cheeseburger and crumpled PBR tall boy, next to calligraphy of “Well, fuck it.” How do they get it done here?  Passive aggressive threats?  No, they are very obvious.

Vague, yet terrifying.  

I mean it’s scary because bigfoot lives in Washington.  If I throw my danish wrapper on the ground does bigfoot run out and punch me in the sternum?  I don’t know.  So I tested the theory.  I live life on the edge of disaster.  That’s my motto. I have shirts and everything.  My mom got another one for mothers day and she threw it away and disowned me.

I ate some gum and threw the wrapper on the ground.  A seagull at that moment then shit from the skies into my mouth.

I was like what the hell man?  You said it would hurt not be disgusting!  Then I got hit by a twin engine prop plane.  Damnit Washington.  You are good.

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AWESOME SONG OF THE DAY

Deniece Williams

Lets Hear it for the Boy

when I searched for this song, the SEATAC Airport free wifi made me re-agree to the terms and conditions.  I of course didn’t read them but I really hope that listening to this song on their network is against their terms and conditions.  If I get arrested I will hunger strike for this song.

 

MONSTER AWESOMENESS: BIGFOOT (aka Sasquatch!) DISCOVERED….AGAIN!

I have always wondered what I am going to do when I encounter Bigfoot in the hallways of my office or just outside of my cubicle.  It will be scary. I will be scared, my pants will be full and smell bad.  That is as far as I have figured out. Past the point of shitting myself I am pretty much at a loss of what I would do.

Luckily a South Carolina man has taught me exactly what to say.  Luckily it is short and has a lot of southern accent in it.

http://edition.cnn.com/2010/HEALTH/06/21/bigfoot.psychology.monsters

You only need the second paragraph.

“GIT!”

Ohhh man, it would be so priceless to have seen bigfoot’s reaction to that.

Dude – probably in coveralls with a piece of straw in is mouth.  I am thinking no shoes? Or shoes that are missing the toes? No, not sandals for everybody not from the south, something like this.

Next hipster trend... guaranteed.

This guy sees a bigfoot or maybe bigfeets, harassing his dogs.  I assume they were pulling their tales and petting them against the direction of their fur. Ohhh boy do dogs hate that shit!  You know what dogs hate more than that shit! BIGFOOT! If dogs could yell holy crap its bigfoot I am outta here… they would.  But they can’t so stop fucking day dreaming

He grabs his shotgun? Nope.  Big rock? Nope, Bazooka? Nah.  He classically yells “GIT!”

That’s what I yell at racoons who eat my garbage.  Or those pesky teenagers who are up to no good down the street.  Druggy mother fuckers.

You don’t yell Git at a classic mythical (or is it?) creature who is fucking with your dogs.  You record that shit and send it to America’s Funniest Home Videos! 10 G’s Son!

Bigfoot totally just flipped that guy off and ate his dogs. Then sat and chilled with Ronald McDonald.  Had a McRib, cause the dogs didn’t fill him up.

Hey, BIGFOOT! Leave Ronald Alone..... GIT!

So much happiness this southern belle has brought me today

Im out.

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Awesome Song of The Day #122

OLD CROW MEDICINE SHOW

WAGON WHEEL

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