Archive for awesome song of the day

SCIENCE AWESOMENESS: THE TREE LOBSTER!

Posted in Awesome, awesome song of the day, awesomness, Bugs, comedy, Humor, News, Science, Stuff, Stupid with tags , , , , , , , , , , on December 3, 2012 by tsanda

I can’t really say I’ve ever cared much for lobsters. I don’t get the fuss over their taste and it just seems weird that we boil them alive for better taste.  I don’t think any of the 11,746 chickens I’ve consumed in my life were ever boiled alive.  It supposedly locks in their soul which makes a great internal gravy. I am getting screwed!

So how do you get my attention? Ohh, the Tree Lobster.  You read that right.  Unless you are illiterate; and then you read that as lkajdkljiljrkldsjlfiaejlasdkfn. What prey-tell is a Tree Lobster? It is only a gigantic dude of a bug that was sick of turning extinct by humans so it hid on a tiny rock cliff island.  But that stupid son of a bitch didn’t realize we humans will search for a lifetime and not stop at anything to extinct everything.  USA! USA! USA!

Tree Lobster

Action shot of a scientist killing Tree Lobsters the only way science knows of. Fist punching the Thorax.

Science tells us that Tree Lobsters need to be capitalized because they are proper nouns. The More You Know, dum deeedle dum dooo (or however you write that jingle in words).  To bad NBC wasn’t trying to teach people the proper image for a floating rainbow star; and they say rap music corrupts minds.

The best part of the Tree Lobster? Where they live.  Balls Pyramid Island.

Balls.  That is all.

Balls. That is all.

I don’t think i’ve been more giddy about information in my life.  Giant bugs that live on Balls Island and it is the coolest looking island of all time. To bad we are going to extinct those bugs and put a Wal-Mart out there.  But ocean pirates need great deals on Bissels too.  Bissels just work great. The suction is wonderful and they come in just jazzy colors.

I would scream like a boiled alive lobster if I saw one of those things. Giant bugs should stay where they belong.  Balls island.

Woot Woot!

Awesome Song of the Day

Big Boi Ft. Kid Cudi

She Hates Me

“If you can hate on anybody, girl, I am glad it was me.”

Big Boi has been doing this for 20 years and it is pitiful how underrated he is.  Outkast for life.

 

 

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MONSTER AWESOMENESS: LAZY MONSTERS!

Posted in Awesome, awesome song of the day, awesomness, blog, comedy, Humor, Monsters with tags , , , , , , , , , , on May 7, 2012 by tsanda

I was going to write a post about doing the limbo until I realized that is a terrible idea. However, I was going to write however and then put a comma after it so I successfully got that off my bucket list.  The hula is a crazy ass game though.  Somebody saw something and was like I wonder how low I can put that and still walk under it and it lasted eternity.  But somehow lawn darts and lawn axe throwing didn’t stand the test of time.  Kids need to be tougher.  Less limbo, more getting stabbed.

Although when I was searching for pictures of the limbo somehow this gem came up.  No, I still have no idea how google images works.

Zombie, Blog, Humor, Awesome, Walking Dead, AMC

Hey, you human. Come here. I want to bite you. But I need you to put your hand in my mouth. Then close it for me hard enough where it punctures your skin.  Then I need you to get some of my saliva into it.  You did all that?  Good you’re a zombie.  Damnit! I need to stop following instructions so well.

Walking Dead is a pretty sweet show.  Zombies and Drama. Zrama.  This zombie always cracks me up.  Just lying there making noises and gently reaching out for some human to accident fall into its teeth.  I realize it didn’t have legs but thats no excuse! Wheelchair zombies! Time to overcome some diversity.  Overcome adversity?  That doesn’t make any sense.

Humans are lazy.  Most monsters were once humans.  So there has to be some other lazy ass monsters.  Like a Werewolf that is fat as hell and just sits on his porch rocking in a rocking chair with a shotgun.  Then when kids skateboard by, he shoots them.  Then goes to bed and complains to the wife how obnoxious the youth is these days.  She then tells him, that she has told him once she has told him a million times, they cannot have sex when he is a werewolf.  Life just isn’t fair for a lycan.

Or a Lochness monster that drowns because they get sick of all that swimming.

I wonder how somebody becomes one of those things?  Vampire Bite = Transformation, Werewolf Bite = Transformation, Zombie Bite = Transformation… Lochness Monster bukkake = Transformation.  Gross, I have just decided to not go to any place other then the US.  I am trying to avoid Lochness bukkake. Weird, I thought a monster Bukkake would come from a Asian country.  Just goes to show that you cannot stereotype.

This song literally came out 3 hours ago according to the internets. Song is exploding my brains.  Are they legit rappers? Comedians? Just cool fucking dudes?  Lazy Werewolves? I hope all.

Childish Gambino Ft Flynt Flossy & Yung Humma

Literally the best song ever.

 

 

THAT SQUIRREL STOLE MY TORTILLA!

Posted in Awesome, awesome song of the day, awesomness, comedy, Humor, What the Fuck? with tags , , , , , , , on February 15, 2012 by tsanda

I was walking my pet dog tonight.  I’ve tried to get him a membership to curves but he is to embarrassed.  He says he has to lose a few more pounds to keep up with the sweet babes that he will be working up a sweat with.

Getting some sexy thighs. Daddy needs a stick a butter, a baseball mitt and a jason mask. Time to get nasty

For those of you who know my pet dog.  He would fit in perfectly at curves.  Blasting that fat.

So were are walking.  I see this cute as a basket of buttons squirrel holding half a tortilla.  So I said “Hey, Squirrel, you stole my Tortilla!”.  It was like heaven parted the red seas and inspiration struck.  I was going to take a photograph of it.  I was going to tag that photograph with the witty catch phrase of “that squirrel stole my tortilla”.  It was going to get its own post and maybe a separate facebook tag.  I don’t know the possibilities were breath taking.  People were going to start saying, “that squirrel stole my tortilla”.  I was ready to rake in my millions and be famous like John Stamos.  What happens? My pet dog scares him away before I have time to instagram that fucking squirrel.  Ohh dog of mine.  Back to the drawing board.

AWESOME SONG OF THE DAY

CLAP YOUR HANDS AND SAY YEAH!

MISSPENT YOUTH

my 2nd favorite song of 11.

TWO AWESOME SONGS?

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Maybe I could walk around and just say “Lego my Eggo?” to random people.  Extra emphasis on the question mark.  Maybe I’ll even just say “question mark” at the end.

YES! PAY ME!

 

 

 

MUSIC AWESOMENESS: WHITNEY!

Posted in Awesome, awesome song of the day, Celebrities, Humor, memories, Music, The 80's with tags , , , , on February 11, 2012 by tsanda

Whitney Houston died today.  I’m not really shaken up or anything.  I mean she was 48 and in crack head years that is like 174.  Can’t really say I am surprised.  I think I’d be more surprised if somebody told me Whitney Houston had gone to the moon or fought Apollo Creed.  But I will say one thing.  Try to watch the Bodyguard and not tear up a bit.  Also, you’re a fucking liar if you tell me you don’t jam to our awesome song of the day whenever you hear it come on the radio in your car.  I’ll admit it.  When this hits the speakers I put that to full volume and let my hair down.  Pubic Hair. I usually wear those up, looks better for fancy dinners.

AWESOME SONG OF THE DAY

WHITNEY HOUSTON – I WANNA DANCE WITH SOMEBODY

RIP Ms. Houston. You were a classic.

KITTY NO!

Posted in Animals, Awesome, awesome song of the day, blog, comedy, Dork, happiness :), Humor, Internet Photographs, Pictures, Stupid with tags , , , , , , , on September 26, 2011 by tsanda

Sometimes I just search google and yahoo images for sweet pictures that get my creative juices flowin. I find that the internet pretty much has two main uses.

1. The obvious.  Porn.  Boobs and vaginas with dicks around them.

2. Adorable kitties and puppies.

Which is fine with me.  I love having titty jobs as my computer background and I rub out so much to I can Haz cheezburger.  Life is good for ole me.

But I lost my arousement today when I saw this “adorable” photo.

KITTY NO!

Somebody needs to punch that cat away from that candle.  Your fur is so soft and dry that it will just explode into a tiny mushroom cloud of cute fireball and your owner’s house will smell terrible!  Needless to say nobody likes hairless cats.

I do.

Of course you do Balkey from Perfect Strangers.  Jeez say it once say it a million times.  Foreigners!

See. Ewww. Fucking monster. Probably rape you if it could.

 

Now what about real cats?

I've got an idea. Take Phantom of the Opera. Make it suck. Cats. Done. Probably also equally likely to rape you.

You know what I love? Dogs and little kids that get the beauty of Rocky III.

No mesh half shirts? Half assed re-creation. Oh wait, that dog is eating that kid? Perfect 10.

Bear Portraits?

Bear Portrait

Ahhh Old Clemons. I boxed him to death. What a good friend he was. Good sport about the whole me punching him to death thing.

You ever start something and have no idea how the end happened? Where did the bear portrait come from you say? The internet.

Awesome Song of The Day #161

The Psychedelic Furs

Love My Way

Holy Shit. Whoever the 11 people are on youtube are that don’t like this video better watch out for when I ram my car into your house…. Just Sayin.

AWESOME MOVIE SCENE AWESOMENESS: STILLS THAT MAKE YOU WANT TO SEE A MOVIE!

Posted in Awesome, awesome song of the day, awesomness, blog, Dork, Humor, Movies with tags , , , , , , , , , , on September 18, 2010 by tsanda

There are a lot of movies that have been released.  I only have one of these lives to live and I want to do as little reading as possible and as much movie watching as possible.  You can’t eat popcorn and wear 3d glasses while reading a book.  I tried and ruined my copy of yertle the turtle with popcorn butter and vomit from my 3d goggle nausea. Not to mention none of the words looked like they were coming at me.  Bullshit… until a 3d pop up book version of the bible comes out I guess I am going to hell.

Now back to what is really important, poverty.  Ha! I am kidding, I really mean movies. I only have so much time in each day. I have to eat food, so this work shit isn’t going anywhere.  Unless somebody wants to pay me 100,000 a month to personally narrate their life in blog form.  I mean it would be expensive; I eat a lot, and I mean A LOT of caviar.  Caviar wrapped in truffles dipped in gold dust and baked on the moon.  Can’t judge me for my good tastes.  But your life would sound so much cooler to your “friends”.

Here is an example, consider it my application and resume.

Tom wakes up and washes his feet in a volcano.  He then rides his unicorn to montana for eggs and bacon.  After killing a grizzly bear with his knuckles (fist punching a bear to death) he decides to rewrite the declaration of independence using only a spirograph.

huh? Pretty freaking fucking good. My secretary will be waiting by the phone.

For a post about movies this blog certainly is about a lot of other bullshit.  I agree, I would want my money back too.  But I get this shit for free.  Stolen internet, what do you know about that son?

So my life is crazy busy and the point of all this is, you can’t maintain these killer good looks and razor sharp wit with just a few minutes a day.  I mean I stare in the mirror for about 12 hours a day perfecting my style.  The rest of the time is spent nursing koala bears back to shape for more back yard koala fights.  You think that is mean? Inhumane? I disagree! Have you ever seen a koala fight???? It is adorable!

After that I have about 2 hours left to watch some cinema. I don’t have enough time to read reviews, cause honestly the last thing I want to do is read about a movie.  That clearly makes my head want to explode. (perfect segway!)

Scanner

I can read your mind. You have seen one clip from this movie and you clearly want to see it.

This movie is called scanners and it is not supposed to be any good. But I can clearly disagree with just one still from that movie.  I am sold.  If I can’t tell from one picture if a movie is gonna be good then I don’t want to see it.

Do you want to see this movie?

Harry Potter

Fuck Me, this picture makes me want that last picture to happen to me.

This movie fails on all levels, some nerd pointing a stick at me.  Why the fuck is he wearing glasses? If he is a wizard why doesn’t he just wizard up some good eyesight?  He is casual enough for the ole unbuttoned dress shirt and loose tie look but he still wears round glasses? I mean jeeezuz, there couldn’t be more lame about this movie from this picture. I won’t watch it. Ever.  Unless terrorist try to get the secrets of my life and torture me.  I would tell them in 5 seconds if they put this movie on.

Now how about for the ladies?

Costner

The Cos? A mullet? Some sort of white animal, at least 5 scarfs and arrows!

Again, sold. You have the prince of thieves. All sorts of style and a soft and gentle disposition. If I were a lady, or just myself.  I would watch this.  All night while eating toblerones.

More examples! How about for the kids?

Free Willy

I don't think this is what Willy had in mind when he was free'd.

Free Willy 3.  Or so Yahoo images tells me. If I were a kid I’d be screaming at the top of my lungs until my exhausted parents gave up and rented this movie or bought me a killer whale.

And for the dudes.

Road Warrior

A guy in a mask, in his underwear, shooting at a guy flying a tricycle. Why would you watch another movie, unless of course it was the prince of thieves.

If you had 1 movie left to watch before you died, and then you saw this picture you would have no choice your brain would force you to watch it.  And if you brain didn’t cooperate I would force you to watch it, with me, right before I killed you.  You were wondering why you going to die weren’t you?

Time to watch a movie. Which you ask?  I won’t tell you… I will show you the picture that changed my day. Working out? No. Feeding myself? Nope. Voluntering? hahaha don’t be silly.

Con Air

Put the Bunny back in the Box.

That was a gosh darn long post.  This blog would be way better as a movie.

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AWESOME SONG OF THE DAY #133

THE PASS (3rd time feature!)

GO THE PASS! LP COMES OUT IN A FEW DAY! BONERS!

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FOOD AWESOMENESS: JELLO!

Posted in Awesome, awesome song of the day, awesomness, blog, Dork, Food with tags , , , , , , on July 9, 2010 by tsanda

I am found a new way to decide what to write about.  A psychic german octopus opens my garage door, opens my house door, rides eligh for a few minutes, opens the internet to a random link and I have to write about it.  So far we have been taking mulligans on a few topics because my first 47 topics were all hardcore german porn.  Don’t get my wrong I wanna put sauerkraut on a girls tits and have a monkey shave my balls but this is a family show as I have said before.  So finally we land on something wholesome and delicious.  Jello.  Photographic example of topic follows this period. <——— (that fucking period)

Why the shit am I holding this with my fingers! Now they are sticky. Fuck. This is a failure, I quit.

Sorry, I had a self-pity party.  You know what cures that? Jello and Hardcore german porn watching with a psychic german octopus.  But only named paul.  (if you don’t know a psychic german octopus has been guessing all the world cup games right so far, then I probably sound pretty awesome right about now, but alas, my fair prince, I didn’t make that up, boy howdy I wish I would have)

Doesn’t bill Cosby like Jello? and if there is anything America likes more than Bill Cosby I sure haven’t found it

Other people who supposedly also like Jello.

Shaq, Christian Slater, Paul the psychic octopus, and the San Diego Charger.  That is all.

Have you ever wondered what the set of full house would look like made of jello? Me too, shaq, me too.

What a gay model...get it? GAY? San Francisco?!?!?! Zing! Take that to the bank.

My grandmother in law used to make 7 layer jello, it was pretty cool.  Tasted like a rainbow. It would have been cooler as 8 level but you know she was only soooo talented.  (dear grandma in law, im only kidding, you know it was fucking way cooler than 6 layer jello)

I am on the all Jello diet.  I only eat Jello. Duh.

(spell check told me all should be awl … what the fuck word is that)

Lebron, you could have had all the Jello you wanted if you came to the nuggets but noooo you had to want cocaine and dirty ladies.  The choice is simple, me, the nuggets, jello and psychic german octopuses.

Blah blah blah colored sugar that jiggles.

I am over it. Bye.

Yea, I feel I really closed this one out strong. Your welcome.

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AWESOME SONG OF THE DAY #124

All Natural

50 Years

Quite possibly my favorite hip song ever.  Behind baby got back of course.

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