TRANSPORTATION AWESOMENESS: GETTING CARRIED!

The best way to get around? Definitely getting carried; behind teleportation pods from the Fly (minus the Fly of course….Silly Goldblum), spaceships, segway, golf carts, mario karts, and the occasional Sasquatch ride that is. Contrary to popular beef jerky ads Sasquatches are quite the gentle giants.  Nobody likes to be joshed around by strangers while you’re trying to catch some creek side zzzzzzz’s.

It begs the question. Is there a wrong way to get carried?

Bob Hope’s ghost – “No it doesn’t”

Balky – “Bob Hope’s Ghost that is a stretch, even for you…”

I’d be honored to be haunted by Bob Hope’s ghost.

Bob Hope’s Ghost – “thanks, although I didn’t tell you that I am a very rapey ghost.”

So I stumbled upon some news today that Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles is getting remade.  By Michael Bay.  He keeps remaking old stuff from my youth and trying to murder it.  Next he is going to remake classics like The Rock and Armageddon.  We will have to do a Terminator style thing where we send young awesome Michael Bay to stop old insanity Michael Bay from making movies.  Or at least add a little Aerosmith here and there.

In my TMNT readings I remembered Krang.  Who is a giant brain that uses a giant human exoskeleton suit to get carried around.

Krang's face looks like that because his exoskeleton is shitting, and that thing only drinks Pabst and eats Cool Ranch Doritos.

That to me is a terrible location for Krang.  Why not just be the head.  As previously retorted you are right by that giant suits dangus and buttle.  All day its just shitting and pissing and it splashes on your brain matter and that stuff is hard to clean out of brain matter. I could just walk up like I am going to say Hi Krang and just punch Krang in the face. I’ll probably get torn in half soon there after, cause I hit like a 12 year old girl, but I’d get that one good shot it.  Probably not the best scenario for a evil mastermind to be easily punchable.

Better ways?

Master Blaster.

Master Blaster's only weakness? Titty Twisters.

Little guy up there all protected laughing at all the Mel Gibson’s he makes clean up shit. Perfect.

What about Chewbacca?

Who keeps Signing My Blog?

Chewy has the right idea too.  C3PO is all tucked away and safe from danger.  Chewy kills the bad guys and PO gets to gently nap against Chewbacca’s hide. Now, I am not that into hunting or animal furs but if I could wear a chubacca fur around town.  I totally would.  It means I am fashionable, socialite and able to kill Chewbaccas.

The best?

They tried this with Louis Gossett Jr. but Richard Gere couldn't hold him up.

Getting carried out of your job and staring Gently into Richard Gere’s eyes. Takes the cake.

I guess staring into Chewy’s eyes would be pretty okay too.

That was a long one… Who wants some music?

—

Awesome Song of The Day

Sin Fan

Slow Lights

 

MENTAL ILLNESS AWESOMENESS: SPACE DEMENTIA!

Going crazy sounds pretty tough.  Nobody believes anything you are saying.  You can get put in a big padded room and you have to wear your own poo on your face because you just rubbed it all over your face because the chewbacca in the corner won’t stop making fun of you and you thought that would show him.  Well it did, it showed him you were fucking crazy.

That being said.  If I were/are/thinking about going crazy I would totally choose space dementia.  I learned about it from a documentary I was watching today about a bunch of actors who with the help of Michael Bay saved us from an asteroid that was actually really close to destroying earth.  They said it was a global killer and they got it right before it was to late.  RIP Harry Stamper.  But apparently one of the crew members couldn’t handle the pressure of blowing up the astroid and the openness of space and lack of gravity made him loose his mind!  He started shooting a gatling gun that NASA just had sitting around, yea I would have thought they used bazookas but I guess not.  Thats why I am not in NASA.  That and my Space Dementia.

The wide eyes, the open mouth, raised eyebrows. Classic Space Dementia

I just feel bad for the guy who had to sit next to “rockhound” on the trip back home.  People with space dementia talk about the weirdest shit.  All Butter tacos and banana hats from that crazy jabber box.  Rockhound… even his nick name has space dementia!

I highly recommend that documentary I think it was called Deep Impact.

—

AWESOME SONG OF THE DAY # 127

MILES BENJAMIN ANTHONY ROBINSON

THE SOUND

His second song of the day!!!

SEE YA SOON FOR MORE GROUND BRAKING CRAP!

EMERGENCY WARNING PREPARATIONS AWESOMENESS: AIR-RAID SIRENS!

I was surfing the net because I have the burning question of the ages.  How much does a air raid siren weigh?  Well, this amazing citizen of this fine country took it upon himself to answer that multifaceted question.  THE WEB IS WONDROUS! http://www.airraidsirens.com/. Still pretty cool that a guy can make a living (that’s a total assumption, this website could have been made by a women, so sexist I can be) by informing people about things on poles that make noise when shit storms are about to brew.  I think my fascination with air raid sirens is that that could be used for anything that comes from the sky.  Tremors? No silly! those are underground, air raid sirens would only attract them! Bad idea!

Wait ….I am getting way ahead of myself on this one…where are the color photos and the kinda snappy yet elementary dialogue that follows?  Wow I am dropping the ball.

World War III will never again catch me with my pants off.

You know the beginning of Armageddon?  Where most of the planet is crushed by falling space rocks?  You know how that could have been avoided? Take all of the air raid sirens that are used for rap songs and put them where these rocks were falling.  People hear it…get to safety tragedy avoided.

Space Missile = Air Raid Siren Goes off = Man Kind Alive Tomorrow... only makes sense

It doesn’t just stop with Space Missiles and man made Missiles.  Dragons, check.  Solar Flares, check. Martians, check. Catapult rocks, check.  I like them because they can be used for so many things.  We don’t have enough things that make noise to tell us stuff is happening.  Becker repeats? BWAHHHHHHH, If only life could be so simple.

My mouth is still kinda sore from the wisdom teeth removal.  Maybe I should have not paid a donkey to kick my face till they fell out…. Cost effective yes…. Brain effective……look at Muhammad Ali.. worked out for him….Too soon?

end of days

—–

Awesome Song of the Day #97

The Temper Trap

Soldier On

—–