Archive for Animals

ANIMAL AWESOMENESS: SABERTOOTH TIGERS!

Posted in Animals, Awesome, Humor, Music, Nature, Science with tags , , , , , , , on October 15, 2009 by tsanda

Cats are awesome.  I know there are a lot of cat haters in the world.  I am not one.  I love kitties… (distant asshole voice yells, “why”).  Fair enough I will answer that question with another question.  Why arn’t cats awesome….?

I win debate club again.  Suck. It.

Plus you have to determine the radness of something by what it evolved from.  Birds = awesome, kids of velociraptors.  Humans = awesome, used to be monkeys.  Cats = awesome, yep sabertooth tigers.  Now take an animals that does what ever it wants to all day and give it giant fangs.  Fangs that are so awesome they were named after swords.

Ummmm yea... It is a deadly fast murderous walrus.

Ummmm yea... It is a deadly fast murderous walrus.

Here is the day of a Sabertooth Tiger.  Wake. Murder a Giraffe or T-Rex.  Eat it.  Nap for 18 hours.  Wake, tongue bath + some purring.  Killing resumes with a great white shark followed by a quick purrr sesh then another nap.  Everyday filled with bloody animal carcasses; fuck it’s friday today they would have eaten a hippopotamus or orange julius.

Did you know a Sabertooth has a sweet tooth? For your fucking skull. Science Proven!

Wonder what my tramp stamp is? Not anymore!

Wonder what my tramp stamp is? Not anymore!

If I have do die.  Please let a Sabertooth Tiger eat my brains through my eye sockets…please.  Best funeral ever!

Oprah – “It’s so sad…how did he die?”

Bill Nye The Science Guy – ” Sabertooth ate his head”

Oprah – “Radical” —— Jump high five with Bill Nye.

I can dream can’t I…I can dream.

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Awesome Song of The Day # 62

Shout Out Louds – Tonight I Have to Leave

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ANIMAL AWESOMENESS: SLOTHS 3 and 2 Toed Varieties… It’s all good baby!

Posted in Animals, Awesome, Humor, Music, Nature with tags , , , , , , on September 13, 2009 by tsanda

Longest title yet!  That is a victory in my book.  Your book is probably not as good as my book.  My book is filled with explosions and 3 toed sloths with a few cameos by 2 toed sloths and 1 cameo by Frank Stallone. Your book is about math or equations of some sort…. LAME – O.

Wow, I am the UNtalented Stallone.  Which means I am still the 3rd coolest person in the room.  1) Author (me fuckers!) 2) Sloths! 3) Frankie "baby face" Stallone! Fair Enough I think!  WORDS!

Wow, I am the UNtalented Stallone. Which means I am still the 3rd coolest person in the room. 1) Author (me fuckers!) 2) Sloths! 3) Frankie "baby face" Stallone! Fair Enough I think! WORDS!

I wonder what that is like….being the Frank Stallone, you could never be the focus of family conversations.  Well you were in this GEM!.  Yea, post apocalyptic world where the main means of travel is roller blading.  I can’t even find the trailer on line!  Thats incredible! My 4 seconds of searching yielded nothing!  BOOO!

So Sloths, are super cool.  They aren’t fast, can’t time travel or fly.  But they have super big claws and look weird.  Yep thats it.  I don’t know really what it is…but just look at one.  You can’t help but like it.  I am pretty sure they have no natural predators.  Except, tigers, lions, jaguars, humans, sharks, gremlins, bows and arrows, astroids and when she was alive, Mother Teresa.  Mother Teresa love some Sloth Stew mixed with chicken stock.  Saint my ass!

Picture Moment!

Chewbacca + Ewok + Robin Williams (think about it) Hint: He's on Coke! Hint: Very Hairy!

Chewbacca + Ewok + Robin Williams (think about it) Hint: He's on Coke! Hint: Very Hairy!

I know babies are usually very cute.  If not stupid people wouldn’t always say…googooo gayyyyy gayyy various baby noises and stupid faces!  I usually give babies a swift punch to the throat in defiance of the status quo.  But my baby words quota is meet with these things.

HAHA It looks like a 85 year old human man...

HAHA It looks like a 85 year old human man...

So what did we learn.  Frank Stallone is actually not as cool as sloths, and they look like really old dudes and the XX makes nifty music.

ASTA LA VEEEESTA BABY! (Spelling is all good I swear!)

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Awesome Song of the Day # 49

The XX

Basic Space

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