MARS ROVER AWESOMENESS: ALIEN WW3!

I am really damn excited for the Mars Rover.  You bet your ass I am topical as hell! Current events, son!

 

That Rover has Space Dementia!

Nobody talks about the 80 trillion dollar Robocop we put on Mars to take this photograph.

We, yes we, the North Americans minus Polar Bears and Canada dropped a fucking RC Racer onto the Mars and are currently exploring the shit out of it.  Finding monsters and aliens and Spocks all damn day.

Bill Nye: Nearly none of that is true. Ass.

Me: Hey! Bill. Shut up.  Well after you tell me which part I am right about….

Bill Nye: Polar Bears and Canada didn’t help.

Me: Duh. Polar Bears are dumb as hell and Canada is poor. USA! USA! USA!

Bill Nye: Jeez. No Monsters or Aliens or singular Spock either. It just rolls around at 2″ per second and cores the soil and takes measurements.

Me: Ugh. Boring. 2″ a second?  It would take that hoss all of 6 seconds to measure my….

Bill: Gross.

Me: You cut me off.  Dick.

Bill: Yea, we got that.

Me: USA USA USA!

Bill: ….

Don’t worry.  Mr. Nye left.  Sometimes he can’t handle talking science with me.  Like when I beat NAS in rap battles. Which are usually about Bill Nye wearing tie dye while drinking a mai tai.

NAS: …… ( silence just like the end of 8 Mile )

I like explaining written jokes.  Means they are good.

The only really cool thing that is going to come from the Mars Rover is now Aliens on other planets can see we are getting pretty cool over here on Earth and it is time to blow us up.  Which I mean is really all anybody can ask for in this life.

MUSIC!

AWESOME SONG OF THE DAY

MOTORAMA

GHOST (Acoustic)

Easily my current favorite band.  Mind blowing.

Have a lovely Thanksgiving next year.  Like to get it out of the way early.

Bye!

FULL OF SHIT AWESOMENESS: MY FAVORITE MARTIAN!

I was perusing the wide selection of movies Free On Demand (comcast better pay me for that plug, cheap bastards).  Ran across something called “My Favorite Martian”.  Sounded fucking great.  I love martians and my favorite one! check and done.  I was ready for 7 hours of heads exploding and baby aliens popping out of chest on far and way distance universes.  I start watching and to my utter dismay and horror this movie was in fact not about Predator.  Rather this crap.

Predator would own this guy. Fuck, Marvin the Martian would own Doc Brown.

Don’t get me wrong, Doc Brown was cool as a Doc Brown in Back to The Future, sure. But Teen Wolf made those movies we all know that.

Here is my list for Martians that would have been much better for this movie.  Keep Jeff Daniels because he is the man and add any one of these.

Predator

Creepaziod (best movie poster ever?)

Alien

Aliens

Alien 3

Jean-Baptiste Emmanuel Zorg

Pizza The Hut

ID4 Aliens

The Rancor

Mac from Mac and Me ( anything that is a blatant low budget rip off of ET I like)

The Night of The Creep Creeps / The Slither things

Space Jam

Three Boobied Total Recall Girl

The giant baby at the end of 2001

and Ewoks

So hollywood, stop with the false advertising.  Next time Jeff Daniels is hanging out with a Martian it better have 3 tits or be made of pizza.

I’m hungry.

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Awesome Song of the Day #114

Live

Lighting Crashes

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MOVIE AWESOMENESS: ALIENS!

What do you get when you mix a group of kick ass space marines and a group of kick ass space monters.  A shit load of goodness.  I mean it literally explodes my brain,  all over the walls like a shotgun or some sorta of brain blowing contraption.  Exploding crossbow would also do the trick.

FOG MACHINE...alien is at a rave

So…

Sigorney Weaver used to be on a ship that was attacked my an Alien. It ate a lot of faces and was thrown into space!  Wicked awesome as Boston would say.  Then I would say shut the fuck up Boston and go eat some Dunkin Donuts or have sex with Ben Affleck!  Then she wakes up and is sent to a place were the Mad About You Guy (no not Helen Hunt silly) convinces her to go and destroy all of these fucks, except his dog died and he wants one as a pet.

So she gets with a group of witty and fun marines with sweet guns and head cameras.  They get into a fight over corn bread and then they all get killed.  Soooooo… she gets in some sort of construction equipment, has an actual fist fight with a queen alien who just ripped an android in half.  Saves a Newt and does a jump high fives with Voltron.

Guns didn't work, Marines didn't work, Bill Paxton didn't work....Giant pinchy arms worked!

Ohhh yea and they have acid for blood, whoops forgot to mention that! So you shoot one up close? Tough shit it just ate through your skin and is melting your liver and stomach.  Ouch!

GAME OVER MAN! GAME OVER!

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AWESOME SONG OF THE DAY #66

BONNIE TYLER – HOLDING OUT FOR A HERO

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