Archive for albert einstein

MOVIE AWESOMENESS: ABRAHAM LINCOLN: VAMPIRE HUNTER!

Posted in Awesome, awesome song of the day, awesomness, Dork, Humor, Monsters, Movies, Stupid with tags , , , , , , , on February 21, 2012 by tsanda

I saw a preview for this movie and I can say I am pretty excited.  I have really weird and specific fetishes.  Top Hats, Beards, Hatches…. Hatches?  I wrote hatches and then kept going.  Then I did a proofing read.  What! Yes, sometimes I go back and read things over.  I like to dust off the old write source 2000 and do some grammar.  I also don’t really like misspells that aren’t on purpose.  It shows people the vast array of the English dictionary I haven’t memorized, yet!  You don’t know the write source 2000?  Back in twenty aught aught that write source was mind blowing information.  It is kinda dated now with the nationalized removal of periods act of 2007 and the hyphen revolt of ’11.  But you can still find some word information in there.  I really enjoy when the word program gives me squiggly green lines under words and I can click to the option “ignore grammar” makes me feel like the master of the universe.  I tried to just write that on my college essays but always failed to invoke laughs.  I also failed to invoke passing.

That Pen is a rocket ship. Pen is. It's a dick joke. Ahhhhhhhh. Yes.

Write source 8000? Did a terminator come back in time to solve my grammar issues, with future grammar knowledge.  So that this blog never existed? Whoa. Blowing my noodle.  That isn’t a invitation to blow me.  But, if any robots from the future would like to? That would be another very specific fetish.

Hatchets.  You didn’t get that I was talking about hatchets? Do you even read this?  I honestly won’t blame you if you don’t…  So couple those fetishes with my enjoyment of dark movie theaters next to junior highs and I will be having a pretty good afternoon when that flick comes out.  I have no idea if it will be good or not.  I kinda lean towards no.  Everybody knows Abe Lincoln was afraid of the dark.  How the hell could he go vampire hunting if he always needs a night light on.  The real movie should be Einstein Swamp Monster Assassin.  Swamp Monsters are notorious for hating relativity.  Einstein had a thing for it.  He also liked shotguns mounted on wheelbarrows.

You don’t know this weapon?! I invented it.  Its a wheelbarrow with shotguns attached to the handles.  You run at things, preferably Swamp Monsters, or Ted Nugents.  As you charge and battle cry, you pull the shotgun triggers and blow some brains on to floors.  As your prey is slumping over dead.  You catch the carcass in the wheel barrow and dump it off a cliff or into a volcano.  It is pretty much the most efficient form of murder.  Other than maybe the old acid in the refrigerator trick.  Melts em every time.

Whoa.  That wheelbarrow shotgun idea is pretty fucking awesome.  You do not have my permission to steal that shit. Or you will find me and Einstein outside your crib with 2 wheelbarrows, 4 shotguns and stomach full of peach schnaps.  Or Fish Oil if we just woke up. Gotta stay healthy.  Gotta keep that mind tight. We might get hungry maybe some freshly jerkyied swamp monster jerky.  You know, absord that schnaps.

Time for Visual Math.

So what if I keep my shotguns on the floor? I like to show the rats what the fuck is up.

+ (addition symbol)

The Pink Taco. Einstein's trusty murder barrow.

+

You say kid in a costume. I say about to murdered monster. Hope he likes dying.

Great fucking post tonight Kid!.  I like to give myself Boston Accented positive self talk.  I close my eyes and imagine I am writing this post in either Good Will Hunting, Gone Baby Gone or The Town. I also like to put periods after exclamation points.  It lets the reader know that the excitement is over….For Now.

 

What tunes for today!?

AWESOME SONG OF THE DAY

ARCADE FIRE – MODERN MAN

dang.

FURNITURE AWESOMENESS: BEAN BAGS/LOVE SAC!

Posted in Awesome, awesomness, blog, Food, Furniture, Humor, Music, Science, Stuff with tags , , , , , , , on January 16, 2010 by tsanda

I have been on a food kick lately.  Food is good.  It feeds us, makes us grow big and strong, makes us poop.  Some foods will even put hair on your chest?  Yea somebody once said that to me and I was really confused.  Gorillas must eat so much fucking 5 alarm chili.  Food comforts us and shames us (go eat McDonalds and tell me how you feel about yourself afterwards…probably like this)  But it can also be used to sit on!  Al Einstein once made a math equation to discover a new form of matter.  The bean bag chair.

Simple Linear Progression Model, No big deal, get your TI 83 out!

Beans

Very comfortable ... forms to your back and gently messages your spine.

+ (thats a plus sign in advanced mathematics)

Bag

A lovely bag.

=

The coolest way to chill for people and some cats… but watch your nails mittens we don’t want the bean juice seeping out!

Bean Bag

Hot Girls cannot resist the allure of bean bags in your crib...Visual proof!

But wait… there is more? An even more advanced Scientist than Al Einstein, yep  Bill Nye, discovered an even better way to lay.  It’s called the Love Sac. They are actually comfortable and not filled with a Thanksgiving Dinner side dish.  How do you compete with Bean Bags marketing campaign from above? I thought maybe explosion and sharks jumping through hoops.  But nope, much simpler, what is better than looking a lady in a bean bag…how about laying with said lady?

Love Sac

SOLD! That could possibly be me! or you if you use your imagination.

That marketing doesn’t do it for you?  Okay I got your bag…How about 2 ladies?

Love Sac

2 is more than 1. So my Ti 83 says. Bill Nye is still researching

The chair wars have begun.  I predict a lot of casualties, families will be torn apart during this conflict.  But I already have my allegiances.  Me and Lay Z Boy…we go way back, we been chillin since 88′ He gonna be best man at my wedding. I was his best man when he married the ottoman. Lovely ceremony.  We had it at American Furniture Warehouse.

Done

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Awesome Song of the Day #92

Tanya Morgan

So Damn Down

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