Archive for the What the Fuck? Category

BINARY AWESOMENESS: 10101000100101010100!!!!!

Posted in Awesome, awesome song of the day, awesomness, Bill Nye, blog, comedy, Dork, Humor, Internet Photographs, Technology, What the Fuck? with tags , , , , , , , , , , , on May 16, 2012 by tsanda

1001010101010010101010101010101010100000011111101010111010101010001101010000000100000111111101010101001011110101010

1010101100101010100000001111101010000101010101010101010101000001011101110001110001101010

10100101

“10001110100101010000110001”

“100010011101110000011101010101”

Binary, Blog, Humor, Jokes, Humor, Awesomeness

0001001110101001010101 101001010101010!!!

11010010010011010100001010101010001111111111110111111111011111110000010101010 01 10100 0101 10 10 10 100000111010 1010101 010101

010101010 101 101010010101 0101

101010 1010 01 011111000 10101 01 010 10 01010010101

0101 101 0010011000 10101001

01010101

Binary, Blog, Humor, Jokes, Humor, Awesomeness

10101010101 10101 01010101010

10101 00101 01010 101001 01 010 10 10  23827828917189728179838928972817  10 1010010101 1010 10101 100010100101 01010 010100101010

0101010

10101

101010 100100 1010

Binary, Blog, Humor, Jokes, Humor, Awesomeness

1010101010101????

10101!!!

1010 1010101010!

1100101010

1001010

—-

 

 

Bill Nye “what the fuck is wrong with you?”

“1001010010”

MILK AWESOMENESS: ROOT BEER MILK?

Posted in Awesome, awesome song of the day, awesomness, blog, clothing, Food, Humor, What the Fuck? with tags , , , , , , , , , , on April 22, 2012 by tsanda

I stole this photograph from my brother. Apparently this exists and I can’t quite wrap my head around it. Or Rap my head around it. Nothing cool rhymes with Rootbeer Milk. Glutesmear Rilk? Those aren’t even words!

Root Beer Milk

A much better seller than the Old Fashioned Mr. Pibb milk.

I looked this up on the internet and apparently it is real. Apparently back in history people would mix rootbeer and milk. I’m a little unsure still whether or not this is real. Because it’s “old fashioned” not “olde fashionede” adding e’s to the ends of words that don’t neede it makes things seeme oldere and more authentice.

How did this occur? Rootbeer milk. Those two things together sounds like the devil’s poison.

I get carmel eggs and ice cream tacos. Those make perfect sense to me. Wheat grass marshmallows and Jamba Juice nachos? These things I would mix in a heartbeat.

First of all milk is stupid and root beer is like the 8th best soda. I have no idea how this happened. Could I bet behind some milk squirt? Other than the name sounds horribly sexual and 100% unappetizing. I’d try it.

Hell, I’d even go Milk + Crystal Pepsi.

Quite frankly I’d be more psyched for turd water.

I’m going to calm my nerves with a sweet glass of Maple Syrup Ginger Ale. That would probably be the most canadian thing since, Canada.

AWESOME SONG OF THE DAY

Theophilus London FT. ASAP Rocky

Big Spender

MAPS AWESOMENESS: SEA MONSTER MAPS!

Posted in Awesome, awesome song of the day, awesomness, blog, comedy, Humor, Monsters, Stuff, Stupid, What the Fuck? with tags , , , , , , , , , , on April 9, 2012 by tsanda

Why doesn’t my Garmin have a monsters setting to show you where not to go?  Last week I drove my honey right into a giant spider pit and then on the way home we were beaten up by chupacabras. It was a real big date buzz kill when your lady gets eaten by something… and it wasn’t me…. Yup. Gold.

Garmin “Turn left ahead to avoid swamp things…”

Now that is helpful information.  Although I never update the thing so I would be jazzed for my Jamba Juice but I would end up:

Hieronymus Bosch the Last Judgement

Bad move monster. I may be brunch. But I got one last shit off in your mouth.

That is an actual poster you can buy from posters.com.  I am no Fung Shui master but this must be part of the calming aura for babies rooms.

Map making apparently used to be a fucking amazing profession.  All you do was randomly place monsters everywhere.  If you were not a map maker or ocean adventurer you would literally think the ocean was just a big pile of monsters.  It would be just like under my bed.

Munster, Sea Monsters Map

That's like a 25:1 Seamonsters to ship ratio! I like those odds for entertainment.

Monster N: Middle right is my favorite.  That monster just plays lobsters.  The other giant lobster gets mad so he tries to play a human.  Silly lobster you can’t play a human, we are too fleshy you just cut us in half.

Red Duck! Lookout!

How could you ever entice anybody in Scandinavia to become a seafarer?

Carta Marina, Sea Monsters Map

Sorry topographical, you are no longer my favorite type of map.

No wonder the world always thinks vikings were such bad asses.  They had to kill like 200 sea monsters just to come rape and pillage your ancestors village.  Your? Not mine? Well I am from swedish decent which I am pretty sure means I was just from a long line of love slaves to vikings.

NO MORE WORDS TODAY!

Awesome Song of the Day

Snowden

Anti Anti

Remember how I used to number the awesome song of the day?  What happened you say? Addition happened.

DEAR FUCKING GOD GOOBY IS SCARY!

Posted in Awesome, awesome song of the day, awesomness, Bill Nye, blog, Children, comedy, Dork, Humor, Toys, What the Fuck? with tags , , , , , , , , , , , on April 2, 2012 by tsanda

Apparently World-Fest Film Festival in Houston is entirely populated by members who hate children and terror free nights.  Kids have enough to be scared of without having teddy bears all of a sudden being horrifying.  I mean I am only partially still a kid.

Bill Nye – Partially being a kid doesn’t really make sense Mr.  When you turn 18 you really are an adult.

Mr. (me) – Well by partially I mean I still wet my bed occasionally twice a night.  I like to one night stand ladies.  Instead of a note by the door, it’s a wet mattress.

Bill Nye – I think that just makes you disgusting.

Me – I eat crayons and glue?

Bill Nye – You’re probably going to die soon.  How often do you eat that?

Me – How often is dinner?

Bill Nye ….

Yea, I love shutting that brainiac up.  I kept spelling brainiac, braniac.  Which is also true.  I love me some fucking bran muffins.  COB, a little sexy bowl of Cracklin Oat Bran.  Really gives me boners.

Jeans with built in underwear

You see that fold by the crotchal and left leg? Not a fold. Me blastin through. If you could see me I am holding up a hand for a high five.... i'll wait.

I bet gooby would wear those pants.

Who the fuck is this gooby character you are talking about.

Satan.

In simple terms.  Satan.

Movie executive: Let us make a wholesome family film.  As a basis we will make a children’s toy comes to life and teach a spunky youngin to live life to the fullest and not be scared of any obstacles.  Even Eugene Levy.

This sounds oddly familiar.  Kids toy.  Coming to life?…

Can’t quite put my fist on it.  I don’t like to point with a finger.  I like to point with my fist.  Much more authority.

Child's Play, Chucky

Ohhh, that fucking thing...

No no no.  Gooby is wholesome! Gooby is fun.  Gooby is life lessons.  Gooby would never violently rape a kid.

Gooby

Damnit. Not again Gooby.

Well, thanks Eugene Levy.  You ruined Teddy Bears for me.

Gooby

Hi Child. Remember how you would let your family dog hump me? Everybody got a great laugh? Spot is humping the stuffed animal.. HAHAHA. Well spot is dead.... and so are you parents.

Why is it that Gooby looks like really hairy fat guys back?

These photos don’t do this fucking monster any justice

at one point that bastard gooby throws timmy’s dead body in some leafs.

Although you got to wonder why is Eugene Levy so intently reading that toilet paper.  Does he not get how to use it?  Is this a new product to him?

He probably uses the three seashells.

AWESOME SONG OF THE DAY!

THEOPHILUS LONDON

I Stand Alone

That cleansed my brain. Thanks TL.

 

 

 

 

UNCONVENTIONAL HERO AWESOMENESS: THE FERAL KID FROM THE ROAD WARRIOR!

Posted in Awesome, awesome song of the day, awesomness, blog, comedy, Dork, Humor, Movies, Stuff, Stupid, The 80's, Uncategorized, What the Fuck? with tags , , , , , , , , , , , on March 11, 2012 by tsanda

When you have this trying to steal your gas.

LORD HUMUNGOUS, The Road Warrior, Mad Max II

Lord Humungous. 3x winner of Mr. Post Apocalyptic Australia. Give me your oil or I will wear less!

You need an unconventional hero.

Me: “hey Kid, Lord Humungous and his gang are going to breakdown our walls and take our gas.  After they beat us in body building and mohawk championships they are going to violate our women and kill our men.”

Feral Boy from the Road Warrior.

Rah! Grrrrrrr! Arf Arf Arf

Me:…… “What the fuck did you say.”

Me: “Where the hell did he go?”

Master Blaster: “He went into one of his tunnels, probably trying to get to barter town.”

Gyrocopter Guy: “Shut up Master Blaster, you aren’t even in this movie.”

Me: “Thanks Gryo Guy. Now you shut up too”

Feral Kid:

Feral Kid from the Road Warrior Laughing

"raar, rar, ahh ahhh farp zzzrp"

Me: Damn kid, you laugh really weird.  Did I catch a Zzzerp in there?

Kid: (does a backflip)

Me: …….

Lord Humungous: ” I am here for all of your leather and metal clasps”

Guy from Commando:

Vernon Wells in the Road Warrior

Wait I am in Commando? Awesome! The breeze up here on this oil rig sure cools my ass less chaps!

=

Vernon Wells in Commando

I'm gonna shoot you between the balls, but after I finish shitting my ass less chaps. I don't wear those in this movie? Weak.

“Lord Humungous, me and my kid or gay lover, depends on what Wikipedia writer is on that day, are going to steal their gas, how about that idea?”

Lord Humungous and Vernon Wells the Road Warrior

Lord Humungous "Ohh Really? You're in charge? Well now your just tied up". Vernon Wells: "You could at least say something cool like, let off steam or something..."

Me: “Shit we are surrounded”

Gyro Guy: “We need somebody who can slip outside undetected and then throw a boomerang multiple times before hitting something and be really lucky that nobody tries to catch, kill, shoot, trap, murder him…”

Me: “Gryo Guy, shut the fuck up, your teeth are gross… I am trying to think, I can’t think with those grossies in my grille… We need somebody who can slip outside undetected and then throw a boomerang multiple times before hitting something and be really lucky that nobody tries to catch, kill, shoot, trap, murder him…”

Me: “But who is our man”

Feral Boy: “grawlop”

Me: “Can you throw in a backflip for good measure?”

Feral Boy from the Road Warrior

THIS IS MY BACKFLIP FACE!

Me: Damn and some fingertips!?!

AWESOME SONG OF THE DAY

THEY MIGHT BE GIANTS

FINGERTIPS (see what I did there?)

THAT SQUIRREL STOLE MY TORTILLA!

Posted in Awesome, awesome song of the day, awesomness, comedy, Humor, What the Fuck? with tags , , , , , , , on February 15, 2012 by tsanda

I was walking my pet dog tonight.  I’ve tried to get him a membership to curves but he is to embarrassed.  He says he has to lose a few more pounds to keep up with the sweet babes that he will be working up a sweat with.

Getting some sexy thighs. Daddy needs a stick a butter, a baseball mitt and a jason mask. Time to get nasty

For those of you who know my pet dog.  He would fit in perfectly at curves.  Blasting that fat.

So were are walking.  I see this cute as a basket of buttons squirrel holding half a tortilla.  So I said “Hey, Squirrel, you stole my Tortilla!”.  It was like heaven parted the red seas and inspiration struck.  I was going to take a photograph of it.  I was going to tag that photograph with the witty catch phrase of “that squirrel stole my tortilla”.  It was going to get its own post and maybe a separate facebook tag.  I don’t know the possibilities were breath taking.  People were going to start saying, “that squirrel stole my tortilla”.  I was ready to rake in my millions and be famous like John Stamos.  What happens? My pet dog scares him away before I have time to instagram that fucking squirrel.  Ohh dog of mine.  Back to the drawing board.

AWESOME SONG OF THE DAY

CLAP YOUR HANDS AND SAY YEAH!

MISSPENT YOUTH

my 2nd favorite song of 11.

TWO AWESOME SONGS?

—–

Maybe I could walk around and just say “Lego my Eggo?” to random people.  Extra emphasis on the question mark.  Maybe I’ll even just say “question mark” at the end.

YES! PAY ME!

 

 

 

What The Fuck Did This Cat Take?

Posted in What the Fuck? with tags on February 11, 2012 by tsanda

So Friskies makes cats trip balls?

I’m going to keep, I mean start eating Friskies.  That place looks like my dreams.

-out