WEAPON AWESOMENESS: CATAPULTS!

The ancients were really something special.  They tore your guts out when mad at you.  The burned you alive for maybe just possibly being a witch or just a jerk in general.  You had to walk to the middle east just to get killed violently with sharp stuff for god.  Pretty cool houses though…and by houses I mean castles.  Castles were/are cool because of all the jumping you can do in them.

Dragon + Castle = somebody's gonna need a nap today!

The castle was made to be impregnable, I am pretty sure none of them ever got pregnant … not even once. Although knights certainly tried.  So what are you to do as a marauding army of  English guys with swords?  You can’t scale the walls, hot tar on your face.  You can’t run through it, stone is some tough shit.  You certainly didn’t have stealth bombers quite yet.

Problem Solved. Lets take a bucket and throw giant rocks at it.  Maybe even light that shit on fire.  Catapults are fucking sweet because those idiots in their castle said this exact quote, “ha, you can’t get in…blah blah blah, we are English gentlemen”.  So the other guys, probably also British, I think all knights stuff only happened in british places, plus I don’t like to research, were like maybe we can string some rope…  Put a guy with a horse and sword in it and throw them into the castle to open the door.  So they tried it.  He hit the wall and died.  The horse, yep impaled on something.  Gross… the only other volunteers they could get were rocks.  So they went that route.  Sucks that you spend all this time building a sweet castle and all they other team has to do is throw giant burning rocks from just far enough away and your straight F’ed.

The Spoonapult ... I use this to attack soup thats hiding in a bread bowl.

Who knew the catapult had so many parts.  After rope and bucket I was lost.  Apparently they have wheels so you can ride one to work.

Catapult

I am a big fan of the fact that the easiest part of any of this image to identify are the ropes attaching the various dodads to each other and they have a (?) next to it.  Somehow the artist of this drawing isn’t quite sure what a rope is. But hey he is super jazzed about the wheels so I will let it slide.

End

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Awesome Song of The Day #93

Neon Indian

Deadbeat Summer

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WEAPON AWESOMENESS: DOUBLE BARREL SHOTGUNS!

Why stop with one barrel?  Who would ever buy a single barrel shotgun when you could buy a double barrel shot gun.  You can shoot twice as much shit if I am not mistaken.  I have never taken Shotguns 101, but I have seen a lot of movies.  People usually explode a lot more when a double barrel is involved.

1 Barrel = okay, but 2 barrel = okay X 2 which is somewhere between jump high five and double fist pump!

I can’t figure out why for the life of me shotguns stopped with 2 barrels, why not 3? 4? 87? infinity barrels? That would be kick ass gun, those damn deer wouldn’t stand a chance.  Unless of course they had huge bullet proof vests…which they don’t… but they might.  But then they probably wouldn’t be deer, cause deer don’t have money, or vests.  Yea they would be really dead…

Why don’t we have multi barrel tanks? Or super soakers.  That technology stopped with shot guns and rubber band guns and hair curling irons?

WHAT THE HELL IS THIS USED FOR? I THINK ITS A CURLING IRON!? EXCLAMATION POINTS AND QUESTION MARKS!

So the moral of this story is two is always better than one. Unless we are dealing with flesh eating viruses or back alley bullies who want to steal your wallet.  Better get a wallet chain.

Out

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Awesome Song of The Day #85

Apostle of Hustle – Folkloric Feel

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WEAPON AWESOMENESS: TANKS!

Hand to hand combat blows, air to air combat…boring, space to space…next level shit, I will admit that.  But honestly, why are all wars not fighted with tanks.

Poor countries tanks are white compact cars with an okay grille...sorry estonia... you suck!

New rules of war… Each country gets 1 tank.  You can’t afford a tank then you lose World War Tanks.  Tough shit Estonia those are the rules.  Each country can pick their crew for their tank.  I am in charge of tank crews… why? Because Barack Obama said so…that’s why.  He trust my tank crew building abilities.

US TANK CREW

1) Nick Cage – Admiral.  Little known factoid.  A+ tank driver

2) Bob Ross – Targeting systems – just gets landscapes + he would paint the camo on it, with at least 1 happy tree.

3) The Wu Tang Clan – 8 dudes to do other such things like explosions, gas getting and tank top closing.  It looks hard to close a tank top, I wish they had screw tops that makes more sense.

4) Gavin Rosdale – what? He would play acoustic versions of Bush Songs in the background… duh Soothing to the other war heroes.

thats all I need

Bob Ross took 5 seconds and drew us a tank!

Just brings tears to the eyes. Why did Bob Ross have to die in a tragic tank war accident?

Tanks are huge! and metal! and shoot explosions at terrorists.  Soon tanks will fly and float.  If i were a submarine, which I am not, I would be scared of tanks underwater.  They would be like dolphins of the war world.  Smart and adorable, but deadly…

It’s 3 degrees here… dear christ this sucks.

End

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Awesome Song of The Day #78

Meat Loaf – I’d Do Anything for Love ( not the whole thing but good)

This song is dedicated to Aaron Nation.  Enjoy.

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