Archive for the Toys Category

DEAR FUCKING GOD GOOBY IS SCARY!

Posted in Awesome, awesome song of the day, awesomness, Bill Nye, blog, Children, comedy, Dork, Humor, Toys, What the Fuck? with tags , , , , , , , , , , , on April 2, 2012 by tsanda

Apparently World-Fest Film Festival in Houston is entirely populated by members who hate children and terror free nights.  Kids have enough to be scared of without having teddy bears all of a sudden being horrifying.  I mean I am only partially still a kid.

Bill Nye – Partially being a kid doesn’t really make sense Mr.  When you turn 18 you really are an adult.

Mr. (me) – Well by partially I mean I still wet my bed occasionally twice a night.  I like to one night stand ladies.  Instead of a note by the door, it’s a wet mattress.

Bill Nye – I think that just makes you disgusting.

Me – I eat crayons and glue?

Bill Nye – You’re probably going to die soon.  How often do you eat that?

Me – How often is dinner?

Bill Nye ….

Yea, I love shutting that brainiac up.  I kept spelling brainiac, braniac.  Which is also true.  I love me some fucking bran muffins.  COB, a little sexy bowl of Cracklin Oat Bran.  Really gives me boners.

Jeans with built in underwear

You see that fold by the crotchal and left leg? Not a fold. Me blastin through. If you could see me I am holding up a hand for a high five.... i'll wait.

I bet gooby would wear those pants.

Who the fuck is this gooby character you are talking about.

Satan.

In simple terms.  Satan.

Movie executive: Let us make a wholesome family film.  As a basis we will make a children’s toy comes to life and teach a spunky youngin to live life to the fullest and not be scared of any obstacles.  Even Eugene Levy.

This sounds oddly familiar.  Kids toy.  Coming to life?…

Can’t quite put my fist on it.  I don’t like to point with a finger.  I like to point with my fist.  Much more authority.

Child's Play, Chucky

Ohhh, that fucking thing...

No no no.  Gooby is wholesome! Gooby is fun.  Gooby is life lessons.  Gooby would never violently rape a kid.

Gooby

Damnit. Not again Gooby.

Well, thanks Eugene Levy.  You ruined Teddy Bears for me.

Gooby

Hi Child. Remember how you would let your family dog hump me? Everybody got a great laugh? Spot is humping the stuffed animal.. HAHAHA. Well spot is dead.... and so are you parents.

Why is it that Gooby looks like really hairy fat guys back?

These photos don’t do this fucking monster any justice

at one point that bastard gooby throws timmy’s dead body in some leafs.

Although you got to wonder why is Eugene Levy so intently reading that toilet paper.  Does he not get how to use it?  Is this a new product to him?

He probably uses the three seashells.

AWESOME SONG OF THE DAY!

THEOPHILUS LONDON

I Stand Alone

That cleansed my brain. Thanks TL.

 

 

 

 

TINY CARS AWESOMENESS: MATCHBOX CARS!

Posted in Awesome, awesome song of the day, awesomness, blog, clothing, Dork, Toys on April 4, 2011 by tsanda

I bet so many people stumbled onto this post because they were looking for stuff about Matchbox 20.  Suckers, that is how I get all of my traffic.  Wordsense, or wordplay, or adsense or something to do with food so fatties search for it. Well it is not a total loss.

Why? Because here is a random picture of Rob Thomas!

Rob Thomas

I think he is staring at a banana.

Why would rob thomas stare at a banana like he wants to sex it? What else do you do with a banana?

But while I listen to matchbox 20 I play with Matchbox cars.  I like to keep my music and toys similar. I read Grapes of Wrath while playing the Grape Escape.  I listen to yellow submarine while I urinate, in a submarine.  Maggot Brain? Use your imagination… Yup, I snort maggots.  Maggot Brain has to be the best 10 minute song about maggots and brains.

Matchbox cars are so neat though.  You can practice getting into car accidents at a young age.  I like games that prepare me for adult hood.  Like construction toys at the playground.  I like to recreate fake traffic jams on really hot days with my matchbox cars.  Me and my friend put all of our cars in a traffic jam, then give each other the finger and yell, who is this friend? I thought you had no friends, you ask, well, we will call him Hobo Joe, not because he is a hobo, well he lives in my sandbox, and he doesn’t have a home, which I guess according to dictionaries makes him a hobo, but maybe because his name is Joe, I think I am going to eliminate periods from my keyboard, i only like commas, they are so versatile, like Hobo Joe, he once killed one of my neighbors because they were getting mad that we were, throwing, dog tu,rds over, the, fence, com,ma.

Where was I? Hobo Joe just tried to eat a worm. Gross. I never liked kids who ate worms.  Hobo joe and I are over.  Shit he is trying to kill me. Okay I got him first.  How? Easy, bear. Bear? Yeah that bear I wrestled, i trapped him like the Rancor.  Giant underground battleground? Nope, tuff shed.  Always keep a bear trap in your car.  Just never know.

I like realistic Matchbox cars.  I wouldn’t buy my kids sweet matchbox cars like Beetles or Ford Taurus’s (dont worry I don’t have any kids of my own, I find them at bus stops and outside schools and stuff, it’s amazing how much kids love candy!) I get them cars that they are actually going to own in life.

Junky Matchbox Car

Yes kids, this what you are going to drive when you deliver my pizza, or attend your Insane Clown Posse shows.

Ted Danson is coming over for Fondu and carrots. I’ve gotta go melt some cheese.  This song rocks.

Awesome Song of the Day #155

THE KILLS!

FUTURE STARTS SLOW

early candidate for song of the year.

YEEE HAAA!

POOR CHOICE FOR A NAME AWESOMENESS: MONSTER IN MY POCKET!

Posted in Awesome, awesome song of the day, awesomness, blog, Children, Humor, Monsters, Toys with tags , , , , , on June 6, 2010 by tsanda

I have been accused, fairly at that, that I can be a bit unPC at times.  I say things that my mother would shake her head at and say “Ohhhh (fill in the blank with whatever name you fancy)((i’d go with Trevor Rodriguez, that is a man’s man’s name))) you shouldn’t say those things people will think your weird or crazy or an asshole or hilarious! I added that last part for dramatic effect.  Like thunder after lighting.  Maybe I am reading to much into this…

Monster in my pocket

Really? That's the name for a children's toy/game?

So, here is an idea.  Lets get kids okay with the phrase “monster in my pocket”. So if somebody / namely a stranger who may drive a van, or have mustache and wear a windbreaker or buys a lot of candy happens to saddle up next to little timmy at the merry go round and says,  “Hey I have a Monster in my pocket, would you like to play with it? Or see it, or touch it, or trade with yours”.  Little timmy only thinks of that toy / game he loves and says “fuck ya mister” (timmy watch your mouth).  So there is nothing wrong with toys, and monsters are pretty freaking awesome.  If it would have even just been “monsters in my pocket” not as bad, not nearly as pederass.  But that singular Monster in my Pocket, just makes my skin crawl.

So the next time this guy drives up next to your kid at the playground and successfully takes him home.  You have the children’s toy industry to thank. Your Christmas Gift to your son got him molested!

Ohhh sorry, I meant to post a picture of a person who looks like a pedifile, this is just Adam Morrison ... Wait a minute...ewwww

So there ya have it. Kids are dumb and toys peaked with crayons. Can’t get any better or less pederass. Unless of course you had a TV show where a full grown man lived in a basement and acted as a “baby sitter” …

Charles in Charge

There is a new boy in the neighbor hood, he lives downstairs and its understood that he is there just to take good care of me.....right.

HAHA who buys Charles In Charge on DVD? And when can we hang out?

——-

Awesome song of the Day # 119

Adam Kesher (band not person)

French Electro Pop Rock = Damn Catchy

——-