Archive for the The Future! Category


Posted in Awesome, awesome song of the day, blog, comedy, Dork, Humor, Lasers, Science, Space, star wars, Stuff, Technology, The Future! with tags , , , , , , , , , on September 7, 2011 by tsanda

Science tells us of magic force fields that bring stuff towards other stuff.  I’ve seen examples such as space craft, other space craft, larger space craft and medium sized space craft.

Where did you learn that?


Physics isn’t an answer.  It is just  a nonsensical response.

Physics doesn’t think so.



Jeez, Balkey from Perfect Strangers really doesn’t get MENSA level stuff does he. Probably because he is foreign….

Okay, so tractor beams are an awesome part of space.  There is no gravity and people are always trying to fly away from you.  Just because they don’t want to see what you have under that trench coat doesn’t mean they always have to light speed away from Dinner Parties like that.  I have feelings too god damnit.  Do you know how much time it takes to deep fry a predator? Let alone kill one??? I have to hire so many bums to go kill just 1 predator.

If you could have personal tractor beams that would be so awesome.  I would tractor beam so many cupcakes into my mouth.  I would tractor beam bees at other people.  I bet they have a reverse switch.  Bees or nails, or bees and nails.  Nails would put holes in you that bees would fly into and sting and then lay eggs in and then the eggs would hatch and bee babies would stings your insides! Final Destination eat your fucking heart out.  I would tractor beam my bed to me, then tractor beam a girl towards my junk… Wait a minute…. I think tractor beaming girls against their will towards your space privates is like space rape.  I take that one back.  Forgot I ever said that one.  It never happened….

But I will totally beam some fucking cheezits up in this bitch.  This bitch being my apartment, and up being in a straight line, because up is the ceiling and I am not a spider man.  I got bit by a spider once and all I got was this hole in my face.  I won’t go to the doctor yet, not until Obamacare is real.  Who would pay for health care when I can maybe will get it for free in like 4 years.  I’ve pretty much got life figured out.

Time to tractor beam you some music.

(vrooooommooomomomomvroomomoomomooooooo) = tractor beam noises.






Posted in Awesome, awesome song of the day, awesomness, blog, Technology, The Future! with tags , , , , , , on July 12, 2010 by tsanda

I am getting ready to go on a vacation.  I am traveling the world to see what cubicles are like around the globe.  It will be featured on PBS and will be a 12 hour 12 part mini series.  I call it, Cubicles: My coworkers don’t know I am not wearing pants right now.  But before I jet off on a jet plane and not know when I will be back again … wait / actually it will be next thursday.  That song doesn’t quite have the same ring when you do know when you are coming back again.


You know what is cool? X-ray vision / goggles / eyes…etc.  I mean you can see people’s bones and what they have been putting up their ass.  I swear to god, you google images anything and at least one of them is me with something up my butt.

Yes you can ask how this happened, I was trying to open it. Happy now?

The funny part about X-ray goggles / vision is it would actually kind of suck to have.  You get those childish ideas about looking at boobies and stuff that is hidden by undies.  But you never remember that dudes dongs are gonna be flapping in your face without any hanes protection.  It would be awful.  Also have you seen how fat everybody is these days?  Nobody wants to see that.  Now if I could go to a super model convention, maybe.  The midwest? Fuck no.

It is a cool idea in theory, like gravity.  But in all actuality no thanks.  I will just mentally undress you with my eyes from behind my sunglasses while sitting in my car.  Fuck technology.

Plus! These things just give away what you are doing?!?!?!?!?!

It should just say "looking at your lady parts". Please don't use your X ray specs to look at my boner.

Superman is a pervert and spell check isn’t familiar with the word boner.  That’s funny to me. I think boner is now proper English.  Soon some kid will have to spell it at a Spelling Bee  because its proper English.


Can you use that in a sentence?

Please get your boner out of my face.

Can you use that in another sentence?

Please get your boner out of my mash potatoes.

…FYI I can keep this up all night….

Pun Intended.


Awesome Song Of The Day #125

XV – Mirror’s Edge


See y’all later. Maybe when I get back I will start writing about politics…..


Posted in Actors, Awesome, blog, Humor, Movies, The Future! with tags , , , , , , , on November 29, 2009 by tsanda

There are so many good movies in the universe.  They usually star people named simon phoenix and john spartan.  One of them will usually have a beret and the other just might have yellow hair with geometric shapes for edges.  Only if we are lucky…?

Forget lines in your head how do I get that hair cut? Or a beret. Beggers can't be choosers.

Why do people say beggers can’t be choosers? That’s rat shit in my book.

ME: “Hey Begger eat this turd sandwich!”

Begger: “Uhhhh nope”

ME: “WHAAA? Beggers can’t be choosers, bitch”

Begger: “Hey jerkface … I am not eaing a turd…”

ME: ” I guess they can choose, well, jokes on you cause im gonna eat it ! ahh that was a horrible idea!”

So, D-Man is set in the future, in a magical place called San Angeles, which according to Wiki, is a combination of San Diego, Los Angeles and Santa Barbara. Shouldn’t it be called San Barngeles? Ban Sangerara? San Angeles it is! Here, there is no crime, only Dennis Leary hanging out underground getting ready to rob Taco Bell.  Simon Phoenix, Wesley Snipes in real life, is trying to avoid paying taxes so he gets frozen for 40 years.  He then unfreezes to kill edgar friendly (leary…  c’mon snipes he just wants a cheesy gordita crunch!)

John Spartan and that lovely lady from Speed have some weird cyber sex, they sing the jolly green giant song, Spartan beats up some hobo’s trying to eat tacos, they visit the hall of violence (why the smithsonian doesn’t have that I will never know).  This flick also asks the most important question of our generation? Where is the beef? Nope, …  Ask not what your country can do for you but what you can do for your country? Nope! …





Moral of this story is this movie rocks.




White Rabbits – Percussion Gun