Archive for the Technology Category

ROBOTS AWESOMENESS: ROBOTS THAT VACUUM YOUR FLOOR!

Posted in Awesome, awesome song of the day, awesomness, blog, Humor, Technology with tags , , , , , on June 2, 2010 by tsanda

Holy shit mom. You no longer need to haul around that giant vacuum anymore just to make me happy and make the floor clean as a whistle. Which is an odd statement.  Clean as a whistle…. the only good way to whistle cause if you happen to know what a dirty whistle is, yes it involves blowing air into somebody’s asshole. No you didn’t ask for the answer to that question but I enlightened you anyways. Now that my ass hole as been sufficiently blown into and so has your minds.  We can get back to the task at hand! Forget I Robot, forget Short Circuit forget some other insightful and interesting statement about robots.  They now clean floors.  The world can now end.

Floor Cleaning Robot

Technology so fucking practical.

I always thought that robots would be made to fight wars and space things. That in the future I would have a robot butler but he would still have to lug around that old Bissell ( my personal favorite name for a company, say it, Bissell, BIISSSSEELLLLL, just fun)

Nope instead technology has peaked. So I can fire my stupid robot butler and hire a robot vacuum and I am good to go. Which is also odd to say cause I really don’t go any where.  That vacuum better hope i don’t stick my dick in it, what?! who the hell said that! That is gross! I will need a robot vacuum cleaning robot to clean your man part left overs out of my vacuum.

What would be great is that My Eligh. He’s the lady of house (which if you know him such a true statement) he hates vacuums, he is a big baby and is scared of nearly everything. So if I got a robot vacuum there is a good chance they would fight. Talk about MMA. Forgot Wraslin v Boxing….Dog v Robot.  I’d sell so many tix and be rich and invent a robot toaster that walks up stairs and shoot toast at my face when I sleep to wake me up.  !!!! WHOA!!!! Mind blown. It would double, for free, as a alarm clock. SOLD! TO MYSELF FOR FREE! CAUSE I OWN IT!

Those vacuums sure look like they want to eat that baby...or the TV, robots probably eat electronics... Or babies, RUN BABY THAT VACUUM IS GONNA EAT YOU! OR CLEAN UP QUIETLY AFTER YOU LEAVE CRUMBS!

Next time you want to blow somebody’s mind.  No, not a dirty whistle. Tell somebody “Well you know what they say” and then just walk away.  So great. I do it to my mom all the time. Her head has exploded roughly once, cause thats all that a head can handle, duh.

DIRTY WHISTLES!  I learned that tonight and it makes me laugh. Who is blowing into other peoples assholes? I am wondering … really.  hit me up.  We can Cyber Dirty Whistle.

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Awesome song of the Day # 118

SUCKERS – BLACK SHEEP

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EMERGENCY WARNING PREPARATIONS AWESOMENESS: AIR-RAID SIRENS!

Posted in Awesome, awesomness, blog, Dork, Humor, Stupid, Technology with tags , , , , , , , on January 30, 2010 by tsanda

I was surfing the net because I have the burning question of the ages.  How much does a air raid siren weigh?  Well, this amazing citizen of this fine country took it upon himself to answer that multifaceted question.  THE WEB IS WONDROUS! http://www.airraidsirens.com/. Still pretty cool that a guy can make a living (that’s a total assumption, this website could have been made by a women, so sexist I can be) by informing people about things on poles that make noise when shit storms are about to brew.  I think my fascination with air raid sirens is that that could be used for anything that comes from the sky.  Tremors? No silly! those are underground, air raid sirens would only attract them! Bad idea!

Wait ….I am getting way ahead of myself on this one…where are the color photos and the kinda snappy yet elementary dialogue that follows?  Wow I am dropping the ball.

Air Raid Siren

World War III will never again catch me with my pants off.

You know the beginning of Armageddon?  Where most of the planet is crushed by falling space rocks?  You know how that could have been avoided? Take all of the air raid sirens that are used for rap songs and put them where these rocks were falling.  People hear it…get to safety tragedy avoided.

Meteor

Space Missile = Air Raid Siren Goes off = Man Kind Alive Tomorrow... only makes sense

It doesn’t just stop with Space Missiles and man made Missiles.  Dragons, check.  Solar Flares, check. Martians, check. Catapult rocks, check.  I like them because they can be used for so many things.  We don’t have enough things that make noise to tell us stuff is happening.  Becker repeats? BWAHHHHHHH, If only life could be so simple.

My mouth is still kinda sore from the wisdom teeth removal.  Maybe I should have not paid a donkey to kick my face till they fell out…. Cost effective yes…. Brain effective……look at Muhammad Ali.. worked out for him….Too soon?

end of days

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Awesome Song of the Day #97

The Temper Trap

Soldier On

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CLOTHING AWESOMENESS: VELCRO!

Posted in Awesome, awesomness, blog, clothing, Humor, Music, Stuff, Technology with tags , , , , , on January 10, 2010 by tsanda

I just stabbed 3 of my fingers off trying to do these stupid buttons on my shirt and lost an eye trying to tie my shoe!  There has to be a better way to get dressed! Or I am doing the rest of my life naked… Thats illegal? In what state?  All of them.  Shit I better go put pants on.  For those of you who may be confused by what velcro is let me utilize spaced aged micro imaging scanner technology that my neighbor the scientist let me use.

VELCRO

It's either velcro or the hair stuff from avatar...I have always wanted to be one with my shoes

How long does it take to tie your shoes each day.  It’s taking you way too long to answer I will answer for you.  25 minutes! Thats 500 Minutes a week. 10 Million minutes a year!  You spend 99% of your life tying your shoes!  Why?! you could be playing volleyball with those minutes.  So shoes decided they wanted to help humans out and put this strip of sticky? connecty? Little pokey things that connect with the other side to create an air tight seal. It takes no time at all.  Maybe 1 millisecond.  You would need space aged time keeping equipment to figure that out. So much more time for volleyball.   You know what I did to my old shoes?

Falling Down

Yep, I shot them. Plus, I really wanted breakfast.

My middle name is now high fashion. Not to mention my ass looks fantastic in these. Plus no time wasted getting them on for my big date!

Velcro Shoes

Sexy is my middle name..."I thought it was high fashion?".... uhhh..."I changed it, jerksauce"...

Why would we waste our time teaching kids that the bunny needs to go under the log then through it then around it or some such shit.  When they could just put to things together and kick fucking ass.

The moral of the story is pants flys need to be velco, shirts need to be velco, refrigerators, car doors, Harrison ford, space ships entries all need to be velco.  Humanity could save so much time with a few velcro modifications.

Velcro + Be-dazzler = the future.

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Destroyer –

Wstercolours in the Ocean

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