Archive for the Technology Category

BINARY AWESOMENESS: 10101000100101010100!!!!!

Posted in Awesome, awesome song of the day, awesomness, Bill Nye, blog, comedy, Dork, Humor, Internet Photographs, Technology, What the Fuck? with tags , , , , , , , , , , , on May 16, 2012 by tsanda

1001010101010010101010101010101010100000011111101010111010101010001101010000000100000111111101010101001011110101010

1010101100101010100000001111101010000101010101010101010101000001011101110001110001101010

10100101

“10001110100101010000110001”

“100010011101110000011101010101”

Binary, Blog, Humor, Jokes, Humor, Awesomeness

0001001110101001010101 101001010101010!!!

11010010010011010100001010101010001111111111110111111111011111110000010101010 01 10100 0101 10 10 10 100000111010 1010101 010101

010101010 101 101010010101 0101

101010 1010 01 011111000 10101 01 010 10 01010010101

0101 101 0010011000 10101001

01010101

Binary, Blog, Humor, Jokes, Humor, Awesomeness

10101010101 10101 01010101010

10101 00101 01010 101001 01 010 10 10  23827828917189728179838928972817  10 1010010101 1010 10101 100010100101 01010 010100101010

0101010

10101

101010 100100 1010

Binary, Blog, Humor, Jokes, Humor, Awesomeness

1010101010101????

10101!!!

1010 1010101010!

1100101010

1001010

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Bill Nye “what the fuck is wrong with you?”

“1001010010”

SCIENCE FICTION AWESOMENESS: TRACTOR BEAMS!

Posted in Awesome, awesome song of the day, blog, comedy, Dork, Humor, Lasers, Science, Space, star wars, Stuff, Technology, The Future! with tags , , , , , , , , , on September 7, 2011 by tsanda

Science tells us of magic force fields that bring stuff towards other stuff.  I’ve seen examples such as space craft, other space craft, larger space craft and medium sized space craft.

Where did you learn that?

Physics.

Physics isn’t an answer.  It is just  a nonsensical response.

Physics doesn’t think so.

What?

Yup.

Jeez, Balkey from Perfect Strangers really doesn’t get MENSA level stuff does he. Probably because he is foreign….

Okay, so tractor beams are an awesome part of space.  There is no gravity and people are always trying to fly away from you.  Just because they don’t want to see what you have under that trench coat doesn’t mean they always have to light speed away from Dinner Parties like that.  I have feelings too god damnit.  Do you know how much time it takes to deep fry a predator? Let alone kill one??? I have to hire so many bums to go kill just 1 predator.

If you could have personal tractor beams that would be so awesome.  I would tractor beam so many cupcakes into my mouth.  I would tractor beam bees at other people.  I bet they have a reverse switch.  Bees or nails, or bees and nails.  Nails would put holes in you that bees would fly into and sting and then lay eggs in and then the eggs would hatch and bee babies would stings your insides! Final Destination eat your fucking heart out.  I would tractor beam my bed to me, then tractor beam a girl towards my junk… Wait a minute…. I think tractor beaming girls against their will towards your space privates is like space rape.  I take that one back.  Forgot I ever said that one.  It never happened….

But I will totally beam some fucking cheezits up in this bitch.  This bitch being my apartment, and up being in a straight line, because up is the ceiling and I am not a spider man.  I got bit by a spider once and all I got was this hole in my face.  I won’t go to the doctor yet, not until Obamacare is real.  Who would pay for health care when I can maybe will get it for free in like 4 years.  I’ve pretty much got life figured out.

Time to tractor beam you some music.

(vrooooommooomomomomvroomomoomomooooooo) = tractor beam noises.

AWESOME SONG OF THE DAY #158

PETE AND THE PIRATES – CAN’T FISH

OUT!

 

TECHNOLOGY AWESOMENESS: X RAY VISION! (VACATION!)

Posted in Awesome, awesome song of the day, awesomness, blog, Technology, The Future! with tags , , , , , , on July 12, 2010 by tsanda

I am getting ready to go on a vacation.  I am traveling the world to see what cubicles are like around the globe.  It will be featured on PBS and will be a 12 hour 12 part mini series.  I call it, Cubicles: My coworkers don’t know I am not wearing pants right now.  But before I jet off on a jet plane and not know when I will be back again … wait / actually it will be next thursday.  That song doesn’t quite have the same ring when you do know when you are coming back again.

SUBJECT CHANGE!

You know what is cool? X-ray vision / goggles / eyes…etc.  I mean you can see people’s bones and what they have been putting up their ass.  I swear to god, you google images anything and at least one of them is me with something up my butt.

Yes you can ask how this happened, I was trying to open it. Happy now?

The funny part about X-ray goggles / vision is it would actually kind of suck to have.  You get those childish ideas about looking at boobies and stuff that is hidden by undies.  But you never remember that dudes dongs are gonna be flapping in your face without any hanes protection.  It would be awful.  Also have you seen how fat everybody is these days?  Nobody wants to see that.  Now if I could go to a super model convention, maybe.  The midwest? Fuck no.

It is a cool idea in theory, like gravity.  But in all actuality no thanks.  I will just mentally undress you with my eyes from behind my sunglasses while sitting in my car.  Fuck technology.

Plus! These things just give away what you are doing?!?!?!?!?!

It should just say "looking at your lady parts". Please don't use your X ray specs to look at my boner.

Superman is a pervert and spell check isn’t familiar with the word boner.  That’s funny to me. I think boner is now proper English.  Soon some kid will have to spell it at a Spelling Bee  because its proper English.

Boner.

Can you use that in a sentence?

Please get your boner out of my face.

Can you use that in another sentence?

Please get your boner out of my mash potatoes.

…FYI I can keep this up all night….

Pun Intended.

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Awesome Song Of The Day #125

XV – Mirror’s Edge

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See y’all later. Maybe when I get back I will start writing about politics…..

ROBOTS AWESOMENESS: ROBOTS THAT VACUUM YOUR FLOOR!

Posted in Awesome, awesome song of the day, awesomness, blog, Humor, Technology with tags , , , , , on June 2, 2010 by tsanda

Holy shit mom. You no longer need to haul around that giant vacuum anymore just to make me happy and make the floor clean as a whistle. Which is an odd statement.  Clean as a whistle…. the only good way to whistle cause if you happen to know what a dirty whistle is, yes it involves blowing air into somebody’s asshole. No you didn’t ask for the answer to that question but I enlightened you anyways. Now that my ass hole as been sufficiently blown into and so has your minds.  We can get back to the task at hand! Forget I Robot, forget Short Circuit forget some other insightful and interesting statement about robots.  They now clean floors.  The world can now end.

Floor Cleaning Robot

Technology so fucking practical.

I always thought that robots would be made to fight wars and space things. That in the future I would have a robot butler but he would still have to lug around that old Bissell ( my personal favorite name for a company, say it, Bissell, BIISSSSEELLLLL, just fun)

Nope instead technology has peaked. So I can fire my stupid robot butler and hire a robot vacuum and I am good to go. Which is also odd to say cause I really don’t go any where.  That vacuum better hope i don’t stick my dick in it, what?! who the hell said that! That is gross! I will need a robot vacuum cleaning robot to clean your man part left overs out of my vacuum.

What would be great is that My Eligh. He’s the lady of house (which if you know him such a true statement) he hates vacuums, he is a big baby and is scared of nearly everything. So if I got a robot vacuum there is a good chance they would fight. Talk about MMA. Forgot Wraslin v Boxing….Dog v Robot.  I’d sell so many tix and be rich and invent a robot toaster that walks up stairs and shoot toast at my face when I sleep to wake me up.  !!!! WHOA!!!! Mind blown. It would double, for free, as a alarm clock. SOLD! TO MYSELF FOR FREE! CAUSE I OWN IT!

Those vacuums sure look like they want to eat that baby...or the TV, robots probably eat electronics... Or babies, RUN BABY THAT VACUUM IS GONNA EAT YOU! OR CLEAN UP QUIETLY AFTER YOU LEAVE CRUMBS!

Next time you want to blow somebody’s mind.  No, not a dirty whistle. Tell somebody “Well you know what they say” and then just walk away.  So great. I do it to my mom all the time. Her head has exploded roughly once, cause thats all that a head can handle, duh.

DIRTY WHISTLES!  I learned that tonight and it makes me laugh. Who is blowing into other peoples assholes? I am wondering … really.  hit me up.  We can Cyber Dirty Whistle.

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Awesome song of the Day # 118

SUCKERS – BLACK SHEEP

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EMERGENCY WARNING PREPARATIONS AWESOMENESS: AIR-RAID SIRENS!

Posted in Awesome, awesomness, blog, Dork, Humor, Stupid, Technology with tags , , , , , , , on January 30, 2010 by tsanda

I was surfing the net because I have the burning question of the ages.  How much does a air raid siren weigh?  Well, this amazing citizen of this fine country took it upon himself to answer that multifaceted question.  THE WEB IS WONDROUS! http://www.airraidsirens.com/. Still pretty cool that a guy can make a living (that’s a total assumption, this website could have been made by a women, so sexist I can be) by informing people about things on poles that make noise when shit storms are about to brew.  I think my fascination with air raid sirens is that that could be used for anything that comes from the sky.  Tremors? No silly! those are underground, air raid sirens would only attract them! Bad idea!

Wait ….I am getting way ahead of myself on this one…where are the color photos and the kinda snappy yet elementary dialogue that follows?  Wow I am dropping the ball.

Air Raid Siren

World War III will never again catch me with my pants off.

You know the beginning of Armageddon?  Where most of the planet is crushed by falling space rocks?  You know how that could have been avoided? Take all of the air raid sirens that are used for rap songs and put them where these rocks were falling.  People hear it…get to safety tragedy avoided.

Meteor

Space Missile = Air Raid Siren Goes off = Man Kind Alive Tomorrow... only makes sense

It doesn’t just stop with Space Missiles and man made Missiles.  Dragons, check.  Solar Flares, check. Martians, check. Catapult rocks, check.  I like them because they can be used for so many things.  We don’t have enough things that make noise to tell us stuff is happening.  Becker repeats? BWAHHHHHHH, If only life could be so simple.

My mouth is still kinda sore from the wisdom teeth removal.  Maybe I should have not paid a donkey to kick my face till they fell out…. Cost effective yes…. Brain effective……look at Muhammad Ali.. worked out for him….Too soon?

end of days

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Awesome Song of the Day #97

The Temper Trap

Soldier On

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CLOTHING AWESOMENESS: VELCRO!

Posted in Awesome, awesomness, blog, clothing, Humor, Music, Stuff, Technology with tags , , , , , on January 10, 2010 by tsanda

I just stabbed 3 of my fingers off trying to do these stupid buttons on my shirt and lost an eye trying to tie my shoe!  There has to be a better way to get dressed! Or I am doing the rest of my life naked… Thats illegal? In what state?  All of them.  Shit I better go put pants on.  For those of you who may be confused by what velcro is let me utilize spaced aged micro imaging scanner technology that my neighbor the scientist let me use.

VELCRO

It's either velcro or the hair stuff from avatar...I have always wanted to be one with my shoes

How long does it take to tie your shoes each day.  It’s taking you way too long to answer I will answer for you.  25 minutes! Thats 500 Minutes a week. 10 Million minutes a year!  You spend 99% of your life tying your shoes!  Why?! you could be playing volleyball with those minutes.  So shoes decided they wanted to help humans out and put this strip of sticky? connecty? Little pokey things that connect with the other side to create an air tight seal. It takes no time at all.  Maybe 1 millisecond.  You would need space aged time keeping equipment to figure that out. So much more time for volleyball.   You know what I did to my old shoes?

Falling Down

Yep, I shot them. Plus, I really wanted breakfast.

My middle name is now high fashion. Not to mention my ass looks fantastic in these. Plus no time wasted getting them on for my big date!

Velcro Shoes

Sexy is my middle name..."I thought it was high fashion?".... uhhh..."I changed it, jerksauce"...

Why would we waste our time teaching kids that the bunny needs to go under the log then through it then around it or some such shit.  When they could just put to things together and kick fucking ass.

The moral of the story is pants flys need to be velco, shirts need to be velco, refrigerators, car doors, Harrison ford, space ships entries all need to be velco.  Humanity could save so much time with a few velcro modifications.

Velcro + Be-dazzler = the future.

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Destroyer –

Wstercolours in the Ocean

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WEAPON AWESOMENESS: TANKS!

Posted in Actors, Awesome, blog, Humor, Technology, Weapons with tags , , , , , , , , on December 8, 2009 by tsanda

Hand to hand combat blows, air to air combat…boring, space to space…next level shit, I will admit that.  But honestly, why are all wars not fighted with tanks.

Poor countries tanks are white compact cars with an okay grille...sorry estonia... you suck!

New rules of war… Each country gets 1 tank.  You can’t afford a tank then you lose World War Tanks.  Tough shit Estonia those are the rules.  Each country can pick their crew for their tank.  I am in charge of tank crews… why? Because Barack Obama said so…that’s why.  He trust my tank crew building abilities.

US TANK CREW

1) Nick Cage – Admiral.  Little known factoid.  A+ tank driver

2) Bob Ross – Targeting systems – just gets landscapes + he would paint the camo on it, with at least 1 happy tree.

3) The Wu Tang Clan – 8 dudes to do other such things like explosions, gas getting and tank top closing.  It looks hard to close a tank top, I wish they had screw tops that makes more sense.

4) Gavin Rosdale – what? He would play acoustic versions of Bush Songs in the background… duh Soothing to the other war heroes.

thats all I need

Bob Ross took 5 seconds and drew us a tank!

Just brings tears to the eyes. Why did Bob Ross have to die in a tragic tank war accident?

Tanks are huge! and metal! and shoot explosions at terrorists.  Soon tanks will fly and float.  If i were a submarine, which I am not, I would be scared of tanks underwater.  They would be like dolphins of the war world.  Smart and adorable, but deadly…

It’s 3 degrees here… dear christ this sucks.

End

Awesome Song of The Day #78

Meat Loaf – I’d Do Anything for Love ( not the whole thing but good)

This song is dedicated to Aaron Nation.  Enjoy.

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