Archive for the Sports Category

WORLD WAR III AWESOMENESS: THE WORLD CUP!

Posted in Awesome, awesome song of the day, awesomness, Basketball, Humor, Sports with tags , , , , , on June 12, 2010 by tsanda

Ewww the World Cup, 2 girls 1 cup was bad enough I can’t imagine a World Cup.  Kinda makes me wanna throw up on somebody…

But in all seriousness the entire world just exploded with excitement. THE ENTIRE WORLD.  Ohh a Billion people watch the Super Bowl? Yeah I guess that’s neat and there are some really neat commercials for 3 hours, plus I get an excuse to eat a lot of chips, corn chips if you must know. Yes i start my diet again the day after! But the world cup = 6 -7 billion people all yelling GOOAAAALLLLL!!!! to be fair a few brits are yelling “oye!” and there are a couple Americans asking where their pads and helmets are.

The World Cup is a month of all out hatred for other nations! I literally hope England gets in a real bad car accident today.  What kind of car would England drive? Mini? Aston Martin? Bentley? Nope, Ford Fiesta, they love those things over in Europe.

Ford Fiesta

The 1987 Ford Fiesta, carrying England just was Tboned by Slovakia who were driving a Yugo.

It really is like World War III just started momentarily and U2 sings the theme song.  It is not that I hate Europe, it is that I love America and they hate us and I hate the Ford Fiesta, I am much more partial to the Dodge Pool Party.  Don’t think for a second that everybody in England is not chanting THE U.S. ARE WANKERS in complete unison right now. Which would be quite the amazing feat, Color me impressed.  Everybody talks about the unity the world cup brings.  HA I don’t buy it. It brings different cultures to the same country to drink Pabst and sleep in the streets.

Here are some good examples of the unity the world cup brings.

Rooney Stomp

Nut stomp. Very unifying. Go world!

and….. bald people are just angry.

Zidane

Zinedine thanking Matterazi for the lovely brunch they had earlier. Europe doesn't shake hands just head butt

But no unity is okay, badass is good enough for me.  I mean Lakers Celtics maybe 3 more times. Ewww, lemme Gun Brains Wall. (alot of people always say things like, I wanted to blow my brains out or that makes me want to shoot myself in the face…. well I do when this nba finals comes on, apparently I want to go out with a gun to my dome piece, so I just shortened it to Gun Brain Wall, gun shoots my brain, my brain hits the wall).  But a month of Soccer to prove who the best Nation is?  Sold.

Sucks for the rest of the world though, even if they win, they still aren’t the USA! WHOAAA! Sea to shining sea bitches!

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AWESOME SONG OF THE DAY #120

LEE GREENWOOD

GOD BLESS THE U.S.A

so american, so fucking great.

GO AMERICA! WE OWNED ENGLAND IN THE REVOLUTIONARY WAR! TIME FOR ROUND 2!

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Time to watch soccer, no chips during the world cup.  The world cup calls for bon bons and toblerones.

OLYMPIC AWESOMENESS: THE BIATHLON!

Posted in Awesome, awesomness, blog, Humor, Music, Sports, star wars, Stuff, Stupid with tags , , , , , , , , , , on January 31, 2010 by tsanda

So, the winter games are starting.  The worlds best at making snow angels and  snow forts will gather in Canadia for a competition to see who is cooler.  The USA always wins this because…well, we are just cooler… When is the snow Planet of Hoth gonna get the winter games? It only makes sense.

You’re Confused? God your Dumb!  It is covered in snow! Duh.  Rancors? Those are only on Tatooine … jeez, on Hoth you only have Wampas.  Plus you could have a Wampa joust competition for a medal.  The only problem with a Star Wars Olympics is that Yoda would win every event.  Especially the triple flip jump light saber battles.

But we are light eons away from that competition, so the US can continue our everything domination.  The best Olympic Event? The Luge? Pretty sweet to bullet speed race down a tiny frozen tube. Even cooler if you are Jamaican.  Curling? My only pre-req for a sport is a broom being involved.  But those are distant second to the Grand Daddy of awesome sports.  The Biathlon.  The picture speaks words at you.

Biathlon

Awesome Pants? Poles? A Gun? Why isn't this a major in school?

The purpose of the biathlon.  To ski and shoot guns.  Honest.  You strap on your skis.  You load a weapon, usually a high caliber rifle.  Ski around and shoot shit.  This was made up by the smartest person ever.

Olympics Committee – Would you like to join the downhill ski team?

Awesome German (not sure who invented it but had to be german) – Do I get to shoot shit?

OC – Uhhh? What?

German – Like with a gun, shoot stuff, maybe a bunny or bambi’s mom.  Maybe just cans.  Im okay with cans.  As long as I get to blow them up.

OC- Why not just shoot guns by themselves? Why the skis?

German – Fuck you, that’s not very olympic.  I need to sweat too …. + competition that is what the world was built on.

OC – sold. Bring your gun, we will bring the cans.

And the Biathlon was birthed.

When will the all participate in athletics then participate in violence games occur?

ATV Biathlon

Purpose....drive in circles shooting bullets in the sky. Which ever bullet lands on the ground near the target or... kills a goose wins.

Other great possibilities.

Run a 10k, then strangle somebody.

Swim a mile than jump kick a bear

Do 10 pushups… then a summersault… then Karate Chop a Watermelon.

Africa has been way ahead of us for years on the front.  10k Turkey Trot….Then Machete the closest rebel.

Machete Biathlon

The guy in white is going to win! But no star value! his face is covered!

The olympics could be sooo much better.  More weapons.  Less France.

Bye.

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Awesome Song of the Day #98

Beach House

Better Times

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Basketball Awesomeness: Lebron James

Posted in Awesome, Basketball, Humor, Music, Sports with tags , , , , on May 11, 2009 by tsanda

If you don’t by now you will never know.  When it is all said and done Lebron James will be remembered as the best basketball player ever.  Haters start becoming agitated that anybody would say that.  Well, fuck off…how about that?  Being massive Denver Nugget supporters it only pains us slightly to say “Lebron James is the Best”.  Melo is the man but only top #10.  Dwayne Wade can carry a game at any time but he doesn’t carry every game.  Kobe is Kobe, he is dirty (in the baller way… well … and the dirty elbow people in the throat way too).  But nobody can guard, stop or even slow down Lebron James.  He doesn’t miss shots because he took a bad shot; he only lets the other team have a little chance to stay in the game.  If you haven’t watched the playoffs then you have missing his incredible acumen (yeaaaaa nice word son!) for playing basketball.  At least 10 times a game, repeat… at least 10 a game, he does something that you must tivo and watch at least one more time.  

 

The rest of the teams are playing in his league.

The rest of the teams are playing in his league.

Here is a sample of what a normal day looks like for Lebron James.  

6 am – Wake up

7 am – Make 300 three pointers in a row

7:15 am – Hunt a deer.

8:00 am – Cook said deer and make some eggs with a glass of milk.  Sometimes Orange Juice.

9:00 am – Run to practice which is 27 miles away.

9:15 – Get to practice / Stretch.

10:00 am – Make 300 more three pointers.

10:15 am – Walk on Water 

11:00 am – Nap time.

12:00 – Lunch Time – A sandwich.

1:00 pm – Build an entire house for Habitat for Humanity

2:00 pm – Attend a Peace Conference in the Mid East and broker a peace deal between Isreal and Palastine

3:00 pm – Read to blind children while making 300 more three pointers, this time they are underhand.

4:00 pm – Get ready for the game

5:00 pm – Break dance for awhile

6:00 pm – Score 35 Rebound 15 and Assist 9 (off night)

10:00 pm – Run Home

10:15 pm – Paint a portrait of his mother saving a bus from a group of bears. (yea, I actually want that painting also)

11:00 sleep

And that was just monday.

For those who truthfully don’t know – Enjoy this.

Lebron’s best moments of 09′

MVP at 24…Nuff Said.

 

Please don’t go to the Knicks…PLEASE!

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Awesome Song of the Day # 33

Wale – Artistic Integrity (yep more Wale…cause he is the truth)