Archive for the Sports Category

GREATEST TIME OF THE YEAR AWESOMENESS: NO MORE BASEBALL!

Posted in Awesome, awesome song of the day, awesomness, Baseball Sucks, blog, comedy, Dork, Sports with tags , , , , , , , , , on October 14, 2011 by tsanda

Have you ever noticed there is an electricity in the air during this time of year.  Like static electricity bukakke all over the world.   It’s not just because my birthday happens and no, it is not the auuraaraa boree-0-lius.  Northern Lights, silly.  Don’t tell me its the magic of the NLDS.  Okay, the Red Sox epic collapse was pretty entertaining to hear about in passing.  Not many people are getting wet thinking about Albert Puljos.  It is the excitement of everybody under 65 not having to hear about or watch anything to do with baseball for the winter.  Sadly, the baseball off season is only about 4 days long.  They just drive to Phoenix and start playing again. Somebody said to me.  It isn’t that bad, is it?  It is America’s game.  You know baseball and apple pie.  Who even eats apple pie anymore? Fruit dessert?  That’s like a tofu popsicle, fucking bullshit!  Lou Gerig’s legacy? A horrible disease named after him.  Tommy John? Awful surgery.  Lou Pinella? Fat Jokes.  Well, those are okay.  So Lou Pinella walked into a bar and got stuck in the doorway.  Yup, another original! Hot off the presses.  Extra Extra read all about it. Yum Yum get me some.  A little Putt Putt for your butt butt.  I have gotta give props to Matt Geracie on the putt putt line, still makes me giggle.  Although, when I use that for a grace at family dinners I get the worst looks from my mom.

I decided to do a research project.  It can’t be all that bad can it? I mean I previously posted an Amazing baseball video. Karate Kick! I found three things I like about baseball on top of the random insane guy karate kicking people.  Which can’t hold my attention forever it has happened a whole once.  Those games last for like 5 hours and they play 182 of them? That is 5 trillion baseball games a year.  That a hundred billion trillion innings of baseball all time and only 1 crazy hobo got onto the diamond and starting kicking.  Probably wanted some hotdogs and when you want hot dog, sometimes people get kicked.  That is why I am not allowed at my neighborhood picnic anymore.  Apparently Mayor of Blank Town doesn’t like a kick to the side in the dog line.

#1.  Baseball to the face.

Baseball to the face. Masterpiece in motion.

Can’t this be a sport? A guy throws a 90 mph fastball into somebodies face and or nads… Okay, you bleeding hearts, we can make it convicted rapists or terrorist or something.  But don’t tell me you wouldn’t watch that.

#2) Exploding Birds?

This is Randy Johnson. Rocket Arming a bird to death.

This guy, 2nd point to him he has a gnarly mullet, pitched thousands of innings and the most exciting thing he did was explode a bird once.  I explode birds every weekend in my backyard.  It only costs a dollar to watch.

3.) The future of America falling down running the bases.

Kid faceplant

Coordination is not required for baseball. My type of helmet. Not doing a damn thing.

That’s it.  Grand Slams? I couldn’t care less. Double plays? I only care about Double Teams.

Comedy, action, multiple colored background. Here is Mr. October, and November through September.

Baseball has one thing going for it, Hotdogs… and Hideki Matsui.  He seems nice.

OUT!

AWESOME SONG OF THE DAY #163

CAMERAS

POLARISE

Album.  Please come out now!

The Night of Dreams: THE NFL DRAFT!

Posted in Awesome, awesome song of the day, awesomness, blog, comedy, Dork, Humor, Sports on April 28, 2011 by tsanda

I have been doing a lot of investigative journalism lately. I have so many important facts to blow the lid off of.  So many corporations are going down and so many politicians will be forced to kill them selves in shame.  It will be craaaazy, yes with 4 a’s, that crazy. I am afraid for my life.  I am not sure if I will be alive after I post this shit…. I can feel them triangulating my brain waves already. Beyonce and Rhianna are going to fuck my shit up.

Free Masons

Every building, business, celebrity, rich person, jet ski owner, lumberjack, grizzly bears, martians, news anchors, my neighbor, ted dansens... are out to create a super race. And I wasn't fucking invited.

Wait, the NFL draft is on? Hold the fucking phone!

What phone?

This phone.

Why would I want to hold it?

I don’t know it means hold on.

Well then just say hold on.

Okay keep your pants on…

What? Why would I take my pants off… we aren’t going anywhere… I only take my pants off when we go to movie theaters and elementary school plays. Zoo’s also. I have to sleep with pants on though.  I don’t want the monster under my bed to eat my dong off.

I don’t know, slow your roll.

My roll? Like a kaiser roll? Slow it? Like cook it slower?

I don’t know. Fucking Billy Zane and your facts.

But the illuminati can wait.  I need to make sure I know who will be trying out for a sports team next year.  I really try to take in the local little league try outs but parents always chase me away.  Luckily I can watch these fellows from the privacy of the tv in my bathroom.  Wait a minute this sport isn’t even planning on playing next season? That’s a shitty draft night.  Hey kid! You are the first pick and your award! Unemployement! Sounds like most other recent college grads.  I like how the guy who is locking out the NFL players is greeting them to their new lockout.

Draft

The falcons. Sorry kid. Not much of a present. I bet he would rather get a karate chop in the balls from Ron Howard (wait for it)

I feel this is something I can get behind.  Award and recognition ceremonies that result in no award or money or recognition.  The oscars that award the cancellation of your contact with 21st Century Fox, that would be awesome.  Just Ron Howard, karate chopping cinematographers in the balls and then a orchestra playing.

When I got drafted to work for a giant corporation nobody held up a jersey and gave me a hat to wear.

Fucking Charlie Sheen.  I am winning.

AWESOME SONG OF THE DAY #156

THE STREETS

BLINDED BY THE LIGHTS

SUNDAY AWESOMENESS: THE SUPERBOWL IS OVER!

Posted in Awesome, awesome song of the day, awesomness, blog, comedy, Dork, Humor, Sports, Stupid on February 7, 2011 by tsanda

You thought I was going to spend 10 pages hyperventilating over the Superbowl and all its glory.  Nope.  I only hyperventilate on certain circumstances and I don’t see 2 flights of stairs anywhere near me.

I like the Superbowl, but it only really means 1 thing to me.  I can now get stuff done on Sundays.  And by getting stuff done I mean Con Air.  I don’t mean hair curlers.  I don’t own hair doing stuff but if I did I would only buy Con Air supplies.

Con Air

AND IN PINK!?!? Sold. Time to get some curls.

You know who needed Con Air hair supplies?

Con Air Nick Cage

Obvious? Yes. Incredible? Yes.

Yup.  Just makes me smile.

Back to the Superbowl really quick.  I think I only like it so much because Super is such a weak adverbjective ( I never know which to use so I decided to invent a word that covers both, so luckily I am never wrong.)  Super? Do people even say Super anymore? Well, that movie was super.  Mom, your dinner was super.  That boat ride sure was super…  No, sounds retarded.  So many better way of saying the superbowl is the biggest thing on the planet! I vote for:

The Nut Tingle Bowl – it makes my nuts tingle.  But so does fresca so I might not be a good judge of nut tingling.

Bowlpocolypse – Ehh, the end of all bowls? I like this one… it sounds tough.  Like flexing near an explosion, or flexing so hard that something explodes.  Like the guy whose head I am squeezing in my arms.

Cow-a-bowl-gle – yea, only stupid people would like this one.

the Bowlocaust – ahh yes.  Offensive. Sure. Attention grabbing? Of course, and that is what the NFL needs.  It is getting stale with its censure ship and no hitting rules.  Time to get people talking.  I mean if there is anything I can do it is getting people to talk.  You don’t believe me?  64 people a day talk about this site.  No big deal.

Now I can sit back and get everything done on Sunday that I wanted to.  Wake, drink, eat, nap, swing dance and solve math divisions.

I don’t know if you knew that, but I am kinda a mather.  A guy who likes math.  I mean I love Good Will Hunting and that has lots of math in it.

Done

AWESOME SONG OF THE DAY #151

GROUPLOVE – COLOURS

fun, catchy, poppy.  Keeps that foot tapping.