Archive for the Movies Category

UNCONVENTIONAL HERO AWESOMENESS: THE FERAL KID FROM THE ROAD WARRIOR!

Posted in Awesome, awesome song of the day, awesomness, blog, comedy, Dork, Humor, Movies, Stuff, Stupid, The 80's, Uncategorized, What the Fuck? with tags , , , , , , , , , , , on March 11, 2012 by tsanda

When you have this trying to steal your gas.

LORD HUMUNGOUS, The Road Warrior, Mad Max II

Lord Humungous. 3x winner of Mr. Post Apocalyptic Australia. Give me your oil or I will wear less!

You need an unconventional hero.

Me: “hey Kid, Lord Humungous and his gang are going to breakdown our walls and take our gas.  After they beat us in body building and mohawk championships they are going to violate our women and kill our men.”

Feral Boy from the Road Warrior.

Rah! Grrrrrrr! Arf Arf Arf

Me:…… “What the fuck did you say.”

Me: “Where the hell did he go?”

Master Blaster: “He went into one of his tunnels, probably trying to get to barter town.”

Gyrocopter Guy: “Shut up Master Blaster, you aren’t even in this movie.”

Me: “Thanks Gryo Guy. Now you shut up too”

Feral Kid:

Feral Kid from the Road Warrior Laughing

"raar, rar, ahh ahhh farp zzzrp"

Me: Damn kid, you laugh really weird.  Did I catch a Zzzerp in there?

Kid: (does a backflip)

Me: …….

Lord Humungous: ” I am here for all of your leather and metal clasps”

Guy from Commando:

Vernon Wells in the Road Warrior

Wait I am in Commando? Awesome! The breeze up here on this oil rig sure cools my ass less chaps!

=

Vernon Wells in Commando

I'm gonna shoot you between the balls, but after I finish shitting my ass less chaps. I don't wear those in this movie? Weak.

“Lord Humungous, me and my kid or gay lover, depends on what Wikipedia writer is on that day, are going to steal their gas, how about that idea?”

Lord Humungous and Vernon Wells the Road Warrior

Lord Humungous "Ohh Really? You're in charge? Well now your just tied up". Vernon Wells: "You could at least say something cool like, let off steam or something..."

Me: “Shit we are surrounded”

Gyro Guy: “We need somebody who can slip outside undetected and then throw a boomerang multiple times before hitting something and be really lucky that nobody tries to catch, kill, shoot, trap, murder him…”

Me: “Gryo Guy, shut the fuck up, your teeth are gross… I am trying to think, I can’t think with those grossies in my grille… We need somebody who can slip outside undetected and then throw a boomerang multiple times before hitting something and be really lucky that nobody tries to catch, kill, shoot, trap, murder him…”

Me: “But who is our man”

Feral Boy: “grawlop”

Me: “Can you throw in a backflip for good measure?”

Feral Boy from the Road Warrior

THIS IS MY BACKFLIP FACE!

Me: Damn and some fingertips!?!

AWESOME SONG OF THE DAY

THEY MIGHT BE GIANTS

FINGERTIPS (see what I did there?)

NAMES AWESOMENESS: NAMES NICHOLAS CAGE HAS USED IN MOVIES!

Posted in Awesome, awesome song of the day, awesomness, blog, comedy, Humor, Movies, Stuff with tags , , , , , on February 28, 2012 by tsanda

You may want to put on an adult diaper before you start reading this list.  About 100% guaranteed to make you either piss, shit or cream your pants.  Either way you will need some fresh leggings.

Balthazar Blake

Damon Macready

Benjamin Franklin Gates

Joe

Fu Manchu

Johnny Blaze

Yuri Orlov

Acid Yellow

Captain Antonio Corelli

Memphis Raines

Rick Santoro

Seth

Castor Troy

Sean Archer

Cameron Poe

Dr. Stanley Goodspeed

Little Junior Brown

Sailor Ripley

H.I McDunnough

Al Columbato

Fucking Seriously? There are people out there who don’t fucking like Nick Cage? Those names are National Treasures.  Pun totally intended, (bull whip noise) I have no idea how Caster Troy isn’t the number one baby name, boys and girls, every year running.  I nicknamed my dangus Dr. Stanley Goodspeed.  I like to tell girls that it’s more of a chemical superfreak.

The Homeless Sorcerer. Magnificent bastard pulls it off.

Dear Mom, Dear Dad.  Why is my name not Memphis Raines! Or Karl Malone! I would take either! Maybe somebody in my city counsel will read this and just do me a solid and change my name to Memphis Karl Malone Raines II JR Dr. Goodspeed Bees.

There really isn’t even anymore that is needed.  Just look at that list.  If Delroy Lindo was here talking about his best darn friend in the world, he would just simply say,”A brothers love, is a brothers love.”  That’s exactly how I feel about Nick Cage names.

AWESOME SONG OF THE DAY

RICHARD MARX

RIGHT HERE WAITING

 

MOVIE AWESOMENESS: ABRAHAM LINCOLN: VAMPIRE HUNTER!

Posted in Awesome, awesome song of the day, awesomness, Dork, Humor, Monsters, Movies, Stupid with tags , , , , , , , on February 21, 2012 by tsanda

I saw a preview for this movie and I can say I am pretty excited.  I have really weird and specific fetishes.  Top Hats, Beards, Hatches…. Hatches?  I wrote hatches and then kept going.  Then I did a proofing read.  What! Yes, sometimes I go back and read things over.  I like to dust off the old write source 2000 and do some grammar.  I also don’t really like misspells that aren’t on purpose.  It shows people the vast array of the English dictionary I haven’t memorized, yet!  You don’t know the write source 2000?  Back in twenty aught aught that write source was mind blowing information.  It is kinda dated now with the nationalized removal of periods act of 2007 and the hyphen revolt of ’11.  But you can still find some word information in there.  I really enjoy when the word program gives me squiggly green lines under words and I can click to the option “ignore grammar” makes me feel like the master of the universe.  I tried to just write that on my college essays but always failed to invoke laughs.  I also failed to invoke passing.

That Pen is a rocket ship. Pen is. It's a dick joke. Ahhhhhhhh. Yes.

Write source 8000? Did a terminator come back in time to solve my grammar issues, with future grammar knowledge.  So that this blog never existed? Whoa. Blowing my noodle.  That isn’t a invitation to blow me.  But, if any robots from the future would like to? That would be another very specific fetish.

Hatchets.  You didn’t get that I was talking about hatchets? Do you even read this?  I honestly won’t blame you if you don’t…  So couple those fetishes with my enjoyment of dark movie theaters next to junior highs and I will be having a pretty good afternoon when that flick comes out.  I have no idea if it will be good or not.  I kinda lean towards no.  Everybody knows Abe Lincoln was afraid of the dark.  How the hell could he go vampire hunting if he always needs a night light on.  The real movie should be Einstein Swamp Monster Assassin.  Swamp Monsters are notorious for hating relativity.  Einstein had a thing for it.  He also liked shotguns mounted on wheelbarrows.

You don’t know this weapon?! I invented it.  Its a wheelbarrow with shotguns attached to the handles.  You run at things, preferably Swamp Monsters, or Ted Nugents.  As you charge and battle cry, you pull the shotgun triggers and blow some brains on to floors.  As your prey is slumping over dead.  You catch the carcass in the wheel barrow and dump it off a cliff or into a volcano.  It is pretty much the most efficient form of murder.  Other than maybe the old acid in the refrigerator trick.  Melts em every time.

Whoa.  That wheelbarrow shotgun idea is pretty fucking awesome.  You do not have my permission to steal that shit. Or you will find me and Einstein outside your crib with 2 wheelbarrows, 4 shotguns and stomach full of peach schnaps.  Or Fish Oil if we just woke up. Gotta stay healthy.  Gotta keep that mind tight. We might get hungry maybe some freshly jerkyied swamp monster jerky.  You know, absord that schnaps.

Time for Visual Math.

So what if I keep my shotguns on the floor? I like to show the rats what the fuck is up.

+ (addition symbol)

The Pink Taco. Einstein's trusty murder barrow.

+

You say kid in a costume. I say about to murdered monster. Hope he likes dying.

Great fucking post tonight Kid!.  I like to give myself Boston Accented positive self talk.  I close my eyes and imagine I am writing this post in either Good Will Hunting, Gone Baby Gone or The Town. I also like to put periods after exclamation points.  It lets the reader know that the excitement is over….For Now.

 

What tunes for today!?

AWESOME SONG OF THE DAY

ARCADE FIRE – MODERN MAN

dang.