Archive for the Humor Category

LITTERING CAMPAIGNS: WASHINGTON STATE!

Posted in Awesome, awesome song of the day, awesomness, blog, comedy, Humor, States with tags , , , , , , , , , , on May 21, 2012 by tsanda

Everybody knows the famous Texas slogan.  Don’t mess with Texas.  Great fodder for T-shirts and the back of underwear.  You know like a pun about shitting your undies.  Which apparently is an epidemic in Texas.  It must be the water or general disregard for bathrooms and hygiene.  But I have to be honest this slogan has nothing on Washington States slogan.  I am up here working for my work, doing work.  I was driving on the just lovely I-5 going either north or south.  This is a wonderful little stretch of Americana.  Tree’s and beavers frolic like butterflies at dusk.  Yes that tree’s should be possessive.  The 2nd one was just a fucking stupid mistake.  But I haven’t figured out backspace yet or language.

Apparently, Tom Cruise is going to be in a musical?  I wonder if he will make Tom Cruise running face. I have attached the most amazing video. Not only does this guy get the humor of Tom Cruise running, but he makes an awesome video and chooses the best song of all times.

Sorry, I got side tracked by the TV playing at the Africa Club in the Sea-Tac airport.  Which is a confused place here in white peopleville. Although to be fair they have a dish that gives you AIDs for authentic Africa flavor.  I wonder what flavor AID’s has.  Probably a lot like diarrhea mixed with nutmeg.

So Washington is a beautiful state, not like my home state, where we just through garbage out our windows cause, well fuck it.  That’s our litter slogan.  It is widely successful.  Just huge billboards with a half eaten cheeseburger and crumpled PBR tall boy, next to calligraphy of “Well, fuck it.” How do they get it done here?  Passive aggressive threats?  No, they are very obvious.

Litter Campaign Washington State, Litter and it will hurt,

Vague, yet terrifying.  

I mean it’s scary because bigfoot lives in Washington.  If I throw my danish wrapper on the ground does bigfoot run out and punch me in the sternum?  I don’t know.  So I tested the theory.  I live life on the edge of disaster.  That’s my motto. I have shirts and everything.  My mom got another one for mothers day and she threw it away and disowned me.

I ate some gum and threw the wrapper on the ground.  A seagull at that moment then shit from the skies into my mouth.

I was like what the hell man?  You said it would hurt not be disgusting!  Then I got hit by a twin engine prop plane.  Damnit Washington.  You are good.

AWESOME SONG OF THE DAY

Deniece Williams

Lets Hear it for the Boy

when I searched for this song, the SEATAC Airport free wifi made me re-agree to the terms and conditions.  I of course didn’t read them but I really hope that listening to this song on their network is against their terms and conditions.  If I get arrested I will hunger strike for this song.

 

BINARY AWESOMENESS: 10101000100101010100!!!!!

Posted in Awesome, awesome song of the day, awesomness, Bill Nye, blog, comedy, Dork, Humor, Internet Photographs, Technology, What the Fuck? with tags , , , , , , , , , , , on May 16, 2012 by tsanda

1001010101010010101010101010101010100000011111101010111010101010001101010000000100000111111101010101001011110101010

1010101100101010100000001111101010000101010101010101010101000001011101110001110001101010

10100101

“10001110100101010000110001”

“100010011101110000011101010101”

Binary, Blog, Humor, Jokes, Humor, Awesomeness

0001001110101001010101 101001010101010!!!

11010010010011010100001010101010001111111111110111111111011111110000010101010 01 10100 0101 10 10 10 100000111010 1010101 010101

010101010 101 101010010101 0101

101010 1010 01 011111000 10101 01 010 10 01010010101

0101 101 0010011000 10101001

01010101

Binary, Blog, Humor, Jokes, Humor, Awesomeness

10101010101 10101 01010101010

10101 00101 01010 101001 01 010 10 10  23827828917189728179838928972817  10 1010010101 1010 10101 100010100101 01010 010100101010

0101010

10101

101010 100100 1010

Binary, Blog, Humor, Jokes, Humor, Awesomeness

1010101010101????

10101!!!

1010 1010101010!

1100101010

1001010

—-

 

 

Bill Nye “what the fuck is wrong with you?”

“1001010010”

TERRIBLE PARENTING and CHILD AWESOMENESS: I HAVE TO POOP!

Posted in Awesome, awesome song of the day, awesomness, blog, Children, comedy, Dork, Humor, Space with tags , , , , , , , , on May 15, 2012 by tsanda

So I saw a video that is making the rounds on the world wide web. It involves the youngest member of MENSA, which I always thought stood for the Men Space Association.  Which was great cause we don’t want coodies in space.  We have enough problems to worry about with giant solar flares that are going to cause 2012.  I saw that movie.  We are fucked.  I am still trying to find John Cusack so he can wisk me to safety.  No Amanda Peet though.  That lady is annoying.  So this kid is a badass. A certified genius by the age of 3.  Loves donuts and just yells I have to poop when its time to bathroom.

Here watch this.

That kid is a spitting image of me.  Not when I was a kid… Right now.  That kid and I could hang out.  At work I keep getting dirty looks because after my morning coffee I just yell.

“Ohhh boy I have to doo doo”

Until somebody brings me a bucket or I doo doo my sweatpants. Yeah, I am allowed to wear sweatpants to my office.  I don’t get fired because I think they think I am mentally handicapped.

First thing that kid does while at the Today Show.  Eat a bakers dozen.  Who cares about meeting Al Roker.  Those fucking donuts have frosting and sprinkles!

What about that kids horrible parents.  Their kid is screaming I have to shit my fucking pants on national television and what do they do.  Tell her to shut the fuck up and stop ruining their moment for making such a smart baby.  At one point the dad like a smug piece of shit says.  “I’m sorry about this” What! You’re sorry that your just passed being a baby child has to crap and she isn’t being more polite about it????  I wish that kid would have just dropped trow and shit all over her dads feet.  Then flipped him off and yelled I’m out.  That’s what I would do.  Probably why I wasn’t invited back to the today show for my amazing lowest IQ score ever.  I posted it on my fridge.  That interviewer is a cunt too. That is a harsh word.  I know my mom told me not to use it unless I am talking about draculas.  But that skank face couldn’t roll with the punches either.  Ohh your tummy hurts.  Well stop ruining my bit! I don’t want to go back to ring girl at the holiday inn cage fights.  I wish a car came through that building and took out that kids parents and the interviewer.  That car would be driven by Steven Hawkings mind.  He would bring her to MENSA head quarters and she could eat all the donuts her heart desires and then cure cancer.  That kid rules.

I want a bakers two dozen.  That’s 43 donuts.  Hey, I didn’t make up the math.

AWESOME SONG OF THE DAY

ROMAN CANDLE

THEY SAY

I wish I could sing and not make windows break and heads explode.  It is my greatest power and my greatest downfall.  Ohh sweet justice.