Archive for the Holidays Category

HOLIDAY AWESOMENESS PART II: HALLOWEEN PART II

Posted in Awesome, awesome song of the day, awesomness, blog, Candy, Children, comedy, Dork, Holidays, Humor, Stupid on November 1, 2010 by tsanda

The II means too you stupid asshole.

I am really sorry, wow that was so unprofessional.  If you want your money back.  Send me a $5 dollar bill.  I’ll think about it.

It doesn’t mean too? Shit it means two? What the fuck is that? Too? It is to right? Bill Nye I need you!

He didn’t come, I have no idea.  Ill just go with 2twoooto.

So last halloween I wrote about vegetable carving.  Which is still awesome.  Want to see what I did this year?

Pickles

Cutting Pickles. Forget pumpkins! This is some next level shit. I do stuff so next level you probably think it's dumb as shit. Come find me in 50 years when everybuddy is cutting pickles in half for halloween. I'll be dead but my tombstone will just say "PICKLES!"

Actually, my tombstone will be a tombstone pizza box with an LCD (cause those will still be around in 50 years) TV playing Tombstone.   NEXT LEVEL SHIT!

I went over most of my favorite things last year but there are some other awesome shits about halloween.  How about this?  You go to a strangers house, ring the door bell, and say this lovely little rhyme.

“Trick of Treat, Smell My Feet, Give Me Something Good Two (? shit not again!) Eat”

When else can you come up with that for a holiday?  Imma say this to my moms this christmas.

“Merry Christmas Honcho, Smell My Nacho, Give Me Some Chicken Tacos”

Thats it. No presents just a lot of nacho smelling and chicken tacos.  It will be magical.  Santa comin down the Chimney and fillin a picnic basket full of chicken and smellin my nacho while I sleep.  He does know when you are sleeping! He stands in the corner and watches me until I sleep.  It would be creepy but I was really good this year and I want some fucking chicken tacos.

My next favorite thing about Halloween?  It is the only time that I can give this.

CANDY

HEY KIDS! Guess what I have! No my costume is the trench coat...

To these.

Trick or Treaters

HAHA. I am going to jail.

Ahh pedder jokes.  So classy.

Im Gonna get ready for Thanksgiving.  Nothing special for thanksgiving.  Thats when Jesus gave turkey to a rabbit because it showed them how to grow crops.  Or it is about trees or something.

SEE YA.

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AWESOME SONG OF THE DAY

LIL WAYNE FT. GUCCI MANE

I do like ridiculous rap.  How redic?

“Big House Long Hallways, I’ve got 10 Bathrooms I Could Shit ALL DAY!”

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HOLIDAY AWESOMENESS: CHRISTMAS!

Posted in Awesome, blog, Children, Holidays, Humor, Music with tags , , , , , , , , on December 21, 2009 by tsanda

Christmas traditions, virgin births and bums that give you stuff.  What a holiday this Xmas is.  So baby Jesus, no he isn’t from south of the border.  Was put into Mary by an angel.  Or thats what mary told Joe, her ole man,  I think that angel was horny for some human lovin.  Angels always say once you go human you never go back.

baby jesus

PSSSTTT... Joseph he looks nothing like you....notice the wings and halo?

So Christmas started as the celebration of Jesus birth.  Okay religious holiday makes sense.  Then the rest of us went…Hey! Jerk faces I want presents too!  So we cut down a tree and dressed an old dude in red and gave him some deer to ride to your chimney.  Honestly a strange old man comes down your chimney and eats your food and then gives you presents.  He also knows what you’ve been doing.  Those are actually called stalkers and they usually don’t get to hang out with kids…

Santa

Hey Kids! Go sit on the fat stangers lap! Tell him what you want and he's gonna laugh and hug you!

Next your gonna tell me that Dead Jesus is gonna get honored with a rabbit.

Out

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Awesome Song of the Day #82

Dungeon Family – Trans DF Express

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DID YOU KNOW AWESOMENESS: SANTA CLAUS!

Posted in Actors, Awesome, Children, Did you know?, Exclamation Points, Holidays, Humor with tags , , , , , on December 10, 2009 by tsanda

DID YOU KNOW SANTA IS NOT REAL?!?!?!?!?!?

santa

You tell anybody I'm not real and I'm gonna fucking kill you!

I WENT TO THE FOOTHILLS FASHION MALL AND SAT ON SANTAS LAP TONIGHT.  I WANTED A SUPER SOAKER OOZENATOR! A PONY AND A MY LITTLE PONY!  I GET UP THERE AND SANTA DIDN’T KNOW IF I WAS NAUGHTY OR NICE!  AND HIS F’ING BEARD FELL OFF!! WHAHHHHH! I CRIED FOR HOURS AND PUNCHED 4 MIDGET ELFS HELPING SANTA!  THEY TURNED OUT TO BE KIDS!   SANTA ISN’T REAL! F-U HOLLYWOOD AND MOM YOU TOLD ME HE WAS REAL!.

NEXT YOU WILL TELL ME THE EASTER BUNNY ISNT…..REAL…..NO!!!!!!

Done

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AWESOME SONG OF THE DAY #79

DEAD MAN’S BONES

Little back story – Ryan Gosling the actor, who kicks ass by the way, is in a band with a childhood buddy, and they used a children’s choir for backup vocals.  It is awesome.  Also see this movies! Half Nelson.

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