KITTY NO!

Sometimes I just search google and yahoo images for sweet pictures that get my creative juices flowin. I find that the internet pretty much has two main uses.

1. The obvious.  Porn.  Boobs and vaginas with dicks around them.

2. Adorable kitties and puppies.

Which is fine with me.  I love having titty jobs as my computer background and I rub out so much to I can Haz cheezburger.  Life is good for ole me.

But I lost my arousement today when I saw this “adorable” photo.

KITTY NO!

Somebody needs to punch that cat away from that candle.  Your fur is so soft and dry that it will just explode into a tiny mushroom cloud of cute fireball and your owner’s house will smell terrible!  Needless to say nobody likes hairless cats.

I do.

Of course you do Balkey from Perfect Strangers.  Jeez say it once say it a million times.  Foreigners!

See. Ewww. Fucking monster. Probably rape you if it could.

 

Now what about real cats?

I've got an idea. Take Phantom of the Opera. Make it suck. Cats. Done. Probably also equally likely to rape you.

You know what I love? Dogs and little kids that get the beauty of Rocky III.

No mesh half shirts? Half assed re-creation. Oh wait, that dog is eating that kid? Perfect 10.

Bear Portraits?

Ahhh Old Clemons. I boxed him to death. What a good friend he was. Good sport about the whole me punching him to death thing.

You ever start something and have no idea how the end happened? Where did the bear portrait come from you say? The internet.

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Awesome Song of The Day #161

The Psychedelic Furs

Love My Way

Holy Shit. Whoever the 11 people are on youtube are that don’t like this video better watch out for when I ram my car into your house…. Just Sayin.

KINDA CANDY AWESOMENESS: COTTON CANDY!

Lets not get ahead of ourselves here people.  I don’t like cotton candy.  It makes me teeth feel like they are burning out of my skull.  I only like that feeling from meth.  You wonder where I got my spacey / yellow teeth, yep meth, nope cotton candy.  I don’t like the taste of that shit, but I do like the idea of cotton candy.  I like the fact that somebody so wanted to eat one of their sweaters, (nope no google images of someone eating a sweater) that they decided to create a candy based on cotton.  I think denim candy didn’t fly and cashmere as we all know is already delicious.

Cashmere goats? Who would have thunked it? I sorta thought they came from the same place as my boots. Sears.

Another sweet facet of the cotton candy empire.  It reminds people of clouds.  Clouds are so fluffy and pink that people just want to put them in their mouths.  I have in fact never actually seen any clouds so this is just second hand information that a drunk Bill Nye told me.  A drunk Bill Nye has been known to tell a few white lies to make me look bad.  So I may need to investigate this whole clouds thing.

Where was I?  Ahh yea Colorado.

This boy/girl so loves cotton candy he became the megaman of cotton candy.

Local News: Tonight’s top story, some ass hole and a drunk Bill Nye ate local boys cotton candy hands.  They were heard discussing the color of clouds while eating.  But they had to yell at each other to drown out the boys screaming.  Eye witnesses said the boy tasted light and airy and supposedly he gave Bill Nye a stomach ache.

I am not a monster but when people have food for hands I always accidently eat them.  It is my achilles heel or my pandoras box or my Pearl Harbor.  That last one doesn’t make sense but it sounds damn good.  Makes people think about Ben Affleck and people like that guy.  If they like that guy that means they will like this guy (ME!)

My new blog.  Ben Affleck all day everyday.

Blog Post number 1.

BEN AFFLECK, BEN AFFLECK, BEN AFFLECK.

Now I just sit back and watch the hits come in.

I’ve been watching my hits and right now it is at 32, which is aight.  They are all from Ben Affleck though.  Which is fine. Small victories I say.

Bye

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AWESOME SONG OF THE DAY #138

ADAM KESHER

GRAVY TRAIN

french pop dance time.

EMOTIONAL COMPLETENESS AWESOMENESS: HAPPINESS FOUND!

Man-kinds entire existence has been centered around the search for happiness.  We have tried religion, drugs, music, movies, friendship, families, staring at Koala Bears and so on and so forth.  Well, today driving home from an unnamed International Airport in the city of Denver, it will stay secret to protect my identity, I discovered the secret to happiness.

Well that's fucking bullshit.

Not a lick of Irish in me.  Life is cruel, and I had to find out the hard way that I will never be happy.  Judy McGarrity’s license plate on her 97′ mauve Ford Tempo.  Talk about kick in the ballsfacestomach.  Well I guess that gives me the right to pursue my true calling.  Blackhearted Somali pirate. Don’t bring your cargo ships around these parts…. pirating (a real verb) will happen.

I am tired from traveling.  Enjoy this song. Makes me….well I was gonna say happy but thats not true cause I’m not irish.  Neither is this band.  Well, get mild fleeting entertainment from it.

Awesome Song #110

The Morning Benders – Chasing a Ghost

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