WEAPON AWESOMENESS: DOUBLE BARREL SHOTGUNS!

Why stop with one barrel?  Who would ever buy a single barrel shotgun when you could buy a double barrel shot gun.  You can shoot twice as much shit if I am not mistaken.  I have never taken Shotguns 101, but I have seen a lot of movies.  People usually explode a lot more when a double barrel is involved.

1 Barrel = okay, but 2 barrel = okay X 2 which is somewhere between jump high five and double fist pump!

I can’t figure out why for the life of me shotguns stopped with 2 barrels, why not 3? 4? 87? infinity barrels? That would be kick ass gun, those damn deer wouldn’t stand a chance.  Unless of course they had huge bullet proof vests…which they don’t… but they might.  But then they probably wouldn’t be deer, cause deer don’t have money, or vests.  Yea they would be really dead…

Why don’t we have multi barrel tanks? Or super soakers.  That technology stopped with shot guns and rubber band guns and hair curling irons?

WHAT THE HELL IS THIS USED FOR? I THINK ITS A CURLING IRON!? EXCLAMATION POINTS AND QUESTION MARKS!

So the moral of this story is two is always better than one. Unless we are dealing with flesh eating viruses or back alley bullies who want to steal your wallet.  Better get a wallet chain.

Out

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Awesome Song of The Day #85

Apostle of Hustle – Folkloric Feel

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ACTION FIGURE AWESOMENESS: OLD SCHOOL GI JOE VILLAINS!

GI JOE recently came out with a movie, I haven’t brought myself to view it yet.  I am afraid my eyes will fall out.  Or at the very minimum I will vomit all over the kids sitting in front of me.  It will soon be out of DVD ( maybe already is) and by DVD I mean OnDemand because why the shit would I rent it when I could click two buttons not go anywhere to watch it?

Exhibit #1 - Still from the Movie, Destro(right) no longer has a metal head...Cobra Commander isn't a snake hybrid rather that kid from Third Rock from the Sun...

THE MOVIE COULD HAVE BEEN 100% BETTER (and remember if I haven’t seen it) if this guy was destro!

YES! This GUY GETS IT! Exclamation points X 12

The reason kids like GI JOE’s so much was the characters were sooo bad ass.  I mean snake eyes.  Awesome.  A black Ninja who doesn’t talk… just kicks ass.  That will be the only reason I end up renting this train wreck of a movie.

I wanted to grow up to be a GI JOE Villain when I was a wee tot.

Hey Director jerk...this is already perfect

The original creators actually sat down and thought.  “What do little boys like?” … sort of an odd thing to do when you think about it.  They black and yellow robot warriors with detachable hands. Ohh what do those hands do?  Only become claws and missles and  dusters.  Well evil head quarters get dirty too silly!

Robots vs Ninjas? Ohh yea GI JOE saw the future... in the past!

I am going to fly my flag at half mast in memory of the glory of GI JOES…  Somebody bring me a flag, then go fly it at half mast.  Then dab my tears.

Crying.

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AWESOME SONG OF THE DAY #84

BIRD MONSTER – ALL THE HOLES IN THE WALLS

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DID YOU KNOW AWESOMENESS: SANTA CLAUS!

DID YOU KNOW SANTA IS NOT REAL?!?!?!?!?!?

You tell anybody I'm not real and I'm gonna fucking kill you!

I WENT TO THE FOOTHILLS FASHION MALL AND SAT ON SANTAS LAP TONIGHT.  I WANTED A SUPER SOAKER OOZENATOR! A PONY AND A MY LITTLE PONY!  I GET UP THERE AND SANTA DIDN’T KNOW IF I WAS NAUGHTY OR NICE!  AND HIS F’ING BEARD FELL OFF!! WHAHHHHH! I CRIED FOR HOURS AND PUNCHED 4 MIDGET ELFS HELPING SANTA!  THEY TURNED OUT TO BE KIDS!   SANTA ISN’T REAL! F-U HOLLYWOOD AND MOM YOU TOLD ME HE WAS REAL!.

NEXT YOU WILL TELL ME THE EASTER BUNNY ISNT…..REAL…..NO!!!!!!

Done

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AWESOME SONG OF THE DAY #79

DEAD MAN’S BONES

Little back story – Ryan Gosling the actor, who kicks ass by the way, is in a band with a childhood buddy, and they used a children’s choir for backup vocals.  It is awesome.  Also see this movies! Half Nelson.

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