MONSTER AWESOMENESS: EL CHUPACABRA!

The Goat Eater. The Mexican addition to the world of real animals that only crazy unemployed drunk people see.  They are dog hybrids who eat… well goats.  Maybe the occasional cow if they are feeling feisty, they also love lemonade and pop rocks. Fact.  It is illegal to hunt them with crossbows but legal to hunt them with dynamite.

Favorite “proof” photo ever after the space:

Yep, thats it. I think I also see a big foot and sinbad.

I didn’t realize getting proof was so easy anymore.  At least the loch ness monster was an actual stick in an actual lake, that kinda looked like a monster. This photo straight up looks like exactly what we are looking at, bushes and a rocks.  I’ve got my camera on auto snaps a lot setting.  I’ve already seen a martian, a werewolf and atleast 5 El Chupacabras outside my house around my walk way.

Please take some time to review this amazing cover story that an actual El Chupacabra decided to tear through. They are shy….don’t like all this publicity. One just tore through my computer.  Rear Terror is here. Another fact.

Please train your eyes to the bottom corner, "SCIENCE OUT OF CONTROL!" With a picture of a black guy. I really really want to read that story.

Yep, if you looked closely that is a movie starring Treach. Who was in Naughty By Nature. And yes I have seen it, and it is as good as you think it is. Move over Forrest Gump and chocolates… because life is like a box of El Chupacabras, you DO know what your going to get. Death and eaten face.  For some reason it takes place on a boat. Hollywood is awesome.  I am going to make a space movie that takes place in an elementary school starring a llama.

But watch out Texas and Arizona.  With the flood of illegal immigrants due to lack of work.  A lot of illegal goats are coming into this country to be goat herded illegally.  Which means a shit ton of Illegal El Chupacabras are coming over to eat them.  Sooner or later a lot of mythical creatures from the great US of A will be complaining that the El Chupacabras are stealing all their work.  Classic social commentary people.

This post was dedicated to Marc.  Enjoy more Africa time.  They don’t however have El Chupacabras.  They do however have real animals that will murder you instantly.  ENJOY!

—–

Awesome Song of the Day #106

Broken Social Scene! NEW SINGLE!

WORLD SICK

——-

MOVIE AWESOMENESS: ALIENS!

What do you get when you mix a group of kick ass space marines and a group of kick ass space monters.  A shit load of goodness.  I mean it literally explodes my brain,  all over the walls like a shotgun or some sorta of brain blowing contraption.  Exploding crossbow would also do the trick.

FOG MACHINE...alien is at a rave

So…

Sigorney Weaver used to be on a ship that was attacked my an Alien. It ate a lot of faces and was thrown into space!  Wicked awesome as Boston would say.  Then I would say shut the fuck up Boston and go eat some Dunkin Donuts or have sex with Ben Affleck!  Then she wakes up and is sent to a place were the Mad About You Guy (no not Helen Hunt silly) convinces her to go and destroy all of these fucks, except his dog died and he wants one as a pet.

So she gets with a group of witty and fun marines with sweet guns and head cameras.  They get into a fight over corn bread and then they all get killed.  Soooooo… she gets in some sort of construction equipment, has an actual fist fight with a queen alien who just ripped an android in half.  Saves a Newt and does a jump high fives with Voltron.

Guns didn't work, Marines didn't work, Bill Paxton didn't work....Giant pinchy arms worked!

Ohhh yea and they have acid for blood, whoops forgot to mention that! So you shoot one up close? Tough shit it just ate through your skin and is melting your liver and stomach.  Ouch!

GAME OVER MAN! GAME OVER!

—

AWESOME SONG OF THE DAY #66

BONNIE TYLER – HOLDING OUT FOR A HERO

—

DORK AWESOMENESS: THE MILLENNIUM FALCON!

Im a pretty huge dork, nerd, bassanova.  But occasionally I want to let me dork flag fly…as high as possible, which is pretty incredible seeing the other dorky stuff I like to discuss, such as Easy-bake oven vs. bathtub gin, which is better for kids.  You know where my dork flag pole is? Top of the Millennium Falcon.  If flaps in the winds of cloud city and it is only raised to half mast on the anniversary of the explosion of the Planet Alderaan.

I once lost an intergalactic space ship in a poker game to Han...It's okay you're not alone.

It can do everything.  Fly, hyperspace jumping, attaching to Star Destroyers (which lets be honest if our Space Navy was called Star Destroyers Americans would still want to go to Mars and we would probably demand that we blow up the sun…) They also float around in trash and land on asteroids which turn out to be monsters, ohh sounds scary? Nope they can also outrun space asteroid monsters.  Thats a fucking scary asteroid though.  What if the asteroid from Armageddon (your welcome) had a space monster in it?  Bruce “whatcha talkin bout” Willis would have blownd it all sorts of up and then the space monster would have just fallen to EARTH and eaten Jersey.  Second thought, might be worth it…except all that hair gel would have gotten stuck in the monsters mouth and probably killed it.

I mean how do you bet that thing in  game of intergalactic space cards…Lando you Idiot!

I think Millennium Falcon means like 1000 falcons...thats so many talons!

What did we learn today? Millennium has to the next hardest word to spell after those flying dinosaur things.

Awesome Search to find my blog of the day: “coolest pictures of real live monkeys” Yep somebody found this blog with that search.  Not only are they looking for real and live monkeys but the coolest. Too bad here they only found the shittiest fake dead pumpkin photos.  In your face grandma’s, learn how to google!

—-

Awesome Song Of the Day # 51

Kid Cudi – Pursuit of Happiness

—

Come back later for more bullshit!