Archive for the Aliens Category

MARS ROVER AWESOMENESS: ALIEN WW3!

Posted in Aliens, Awesome, awesome song of the day, awesomness, Bill Nye, Monsters, Science, Space with tags , , , , , , , , , , , on November 26, 2012 by tsanda

I am really damn excited for the Mars Rover.  You bet your ass I am topical as hell! Current events, son!

 

Mars Rover

That Rover has Space Dementia!

Nobody talks about the 80 trillion dollar Robocop we put on Mars to take this photograph.

We, yes we, the North Americans minus Polar Bears and Canada dropped a fucking RC Racer onto the Mars and are currently exploring the shit out of it.  Finding monsters and aliens and Spocks all damn day.

Bill Nye: Nearly none of that is true. Ass.

Me: Hey! Bill. Shut up.  Well after you tell me which part I am right about….

Bill Nye: Polar Bears and Canada didn’t help.

Me: Duh. Polar Bears are dumb as hell and Canada is poor. USA! USA! USA!

Bill Nye: Jeez. No Monsters or Aliens or singular Spock either. It just rolls around at 2″ per second and cores the soil and takes measurements.

Me: Ugh. Boring. 2″ a second?  It would take that hoss all of 6 seconds to measure my….

Bill: Gross.

Me: You cut me off.  Dick.

Bill: Yea, we got that.

Me: USA USA USA!

Bill: ….

Don’t worry.  Mr. Nye left.  Sometimes he can’t handle talking science with me.  Like when I beat NAS in rap battles. Which are usually about Bill Nye wearing tie dye while drinking a mai tai.

NAS: …… ( silence just like the end of 8 Mile )

I like explaining written jokes.  Means they are good.

The only really cool thing that is going to come from the Mars Rover is now Aliens on other planets can see we are getting pretty cool over here on Earth and it is time to blow us up.  Which I mean is really all anybody can ask for in this life.

MUSIC!

AWESOME SONG OF THE DAY

MOTORAMA

GHOST (Acoustic)

Easily my current favorite band.  Mind blowing.

Have a lovely Thanksgiving next year.  Like to get it out of the way early.

Bye!

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FURRY ALIEN AWESOMENESS: EWOKS!

Posted in Aliens, awesome song of the day, awesomness, blog, comedy, Humor, star wars, Uncategorized on January 18, 2011 by tsanda

EWOKS! I KNOW RIGHT!  I say that shit way to much.  Nobody sounds like a bigger idiot than when they say… “I know, Right!?”  It is the universal, “I have nothing interesting to add to the conversation, but I still want to say stuff at you”, and I say that garbage all the time.  Isn’t saying I know and Right really the same thing? They are both confirmers ( actual vocab word ((well in my mind))(((where I am a volcano surfer))))(((((I know right?))))))(((((what the fuck am I talking about))))))) Why so many ))))))), I dont know, a professor told me to do it. They are usually smart.

But ewoks, the important stuff, are cute and deadly. Most animals are 1 or the other.  Ninjas = cute, Ebola = Deadly.  My neighbor = deadly, my rosey cheeks (ass) = cute.  Ewoks blow up  AT-ST Chicken Walkers.  I may have no idea what a comma is, but I definitely know what a Chicken Walker is.  I assume it will soon be a fucking sweet rap song. Do the chicker walker… hmmm maybe not… I gotta work on my rap game.

Ewoks

They lull you in with the fur. Then stab you in the balls with pointy sticks.

Though they can’t stab a robot in the balls, because Robots don’t have balls.  So Rd2d can just talk shit all he wants.  “Beep Boop Beeep Beep Boop”…Which is R2D2 for go fuck yourself.  R2D2 is such a jerk!

A conversation between an ewok and a r2d2.

Yub Yub?

Beep Boop.

Eyyachi yub yub…

Beep Boop!

Yuuuuuubbbb?

Beep.

All I ever want to do is go to that awesome tree top party the Ewoks have every-time Return of the Jedi ends.  That party would be way lamer if they lost the battle for Endor.  A lot of storm troopers barbecuing Ewoks and Rancors running around eating their cats.

I bet some slow cooked St. Louis Ewok would be so tender and juicy.

The moral of the story.  Ewoks are my boys, but if push comes to shove, those cats gonna get eaten.

Do you know what song is playing at that party?

AWESOME SONG OF THAT DAY #148

SNAP!

POWER

Ewoks will attack and you WILL want that…because they are soooo fluffy.

 

FULL OF SHIT AWESOMENESS: MY FAVORITE MARTIAN!

Posted in Aliens, Awesome, awesome song of the day, awesomness, blog, Humor, Movies, Space with tags , , , , , , , on April 7, 2010 by tsanda

I was perusing the wide selection of movies Free On Demand (comcast better pay me for that plug, cheap bastards).  Ran across something called “My Favorite Martian”.  Sounded fucking great.  I love martians and my favorite one! check and done.  I was ready for 7 hours of heads exploding and baby aliens popping out of chest on far and way distance universes.  I start watching and to my utter dismay and horror this movie was in fact not about Predator.  Rather this crap.

Christopher Lloyd

Predator would own this guy. Fuck, Marvin the Martian would own Doc Brown.

Don’t get me wrong, Doc Brown was cool as a Doc Brown in Back to The Future, sure. But Teen Wolf made those movies we all know that.

Here is my list for Martians that would have been much better for this movie.  Keep Jeff Daniels because he is the man and add any one of these.

Predator

Creepaziod (best movie poster ever?)

Alien

Aliens

Alien 3

Jean-Baptiste Emmanuel Zorg

Pizza The Hut

ID4 Aliens

The Rancor

Mac from Mac and Me ( anything that is a blatant low budget rip off of ET I like)

The Night of The Creep Creeps / The Slither things

Space Jam

Three Boobied Total Recall Girl

The giant baby at the end of 2001

and Ewoks

So hollywood, stop with the false advertising.  Next time Jeff Daniels is hanging out with a Martian it better have 3 tits or be made of pizza.

I’m hungry.

Awesome Song of the Day #114

Live

Lighting Crashes

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MONSTER AWESOMENESS: EL CHUPACABRA!

Posted in Aliens, Animals, Awesome, awesome song of the day, awesomness, blog, Dork, Humor, Monsters, Nature, Science, Stuff with tags , , , , , , , , on February 25, 2010 by tsanda

The Goat Eater. The Mexican addition to the world of real animals that only crazy unemployed drunk people see.  They are dog hybrids who eat… well goats.  Maybe the occasional cow if they are feeling feisty, they also love lemonade and pop rocks. Fact.  It is illegal to hunt them with crossbows but legal to hunt them with dynamite.

Favorite “proof” photo ever after the space:

El Chupacabra

Yep, thats it. I think I also see a big foot and sinbad.

I didn’t realize getting proof was so easy anymore.  At least the loch ness monster was an actual stick in an actual lake, that kinda looked like a monster. This photo straight up looks like exactly what we are looking at, bushes and a rocks.  I’ve got my camera on auto snaps a lot setting.  I’ve already seen a martian, a werewolf and atleast 5 El Chupacabras outside my house around my walk way.

Please take some time to review this amazing cover story that an actual El Chupacabra decided to tear through. They are shy….don’t like all this publicity. One just tore through my computer.  Rear Terror is here. Another fact.

EL CHUPACABRA

Please train your eyes to the bottom corner, "SCIENCE OUT OF CONTROL!" With a picture of a black guy. I really really want to read that story.

Yep, if you looked closely that is a movie starring Treach. Who was in Naughty By Nature. And yes I have seen it, and it is as good as you think it is. Move over Forrest Gump and chocolates… because life is like a box of El Chupacabras, you DO know what your going to get. Death and eaten face.  For some reason it takes place on a boat. Hollywood is awesome.  I am going to make a space movie that takes place in an elementary school starring a llama.

But watch out Texas and Arizona.  With the flood of illegal immigrants due to lack of work.  A lot of illegal goats are coming into this country to be goat herded illegally.  Which means a shit ton of Illegal El Chupacabras are coming over to eat them.  Sooner or later a lot of mythical creatures from the great US of A will be complaining that the El Chupacabras are stealing all their work.  Classic social commentary people.

This post was dedicated to Marc.  Enjoy more Africa time.  They don’t however have El Chupacabras.  They do however have real animals that will murder you instantly.  ENJOY!

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Awesome Song of the Day #106

Broken Social Scene! NEW SINGLE!

WORLD SICK

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MOVIE AWESOMENESS: ALIENS!

Posted in Aliens, Awesome, Explosions, Humor, Monsters, Movies, Music, Space, The 80's with tags , , , , , , , on November 1, 2009 by tsanda

What do you get when you mix a group of kick ass space marines and a group of kick ass space monters.  A shit load of goodness.  I mean it literally explodes my brain,  all over the walls like a shotgun or some sorta of brain blowing contraption.  Exploding crossbow would also do the trick.

Aliens in the mist...very artisic monsters.

FOG MACHINE...alien is at a rave

So…

Sigorney Weaver used to be on a ship that was attacked my an Alien. It ate a lot of faces and was thrown into space!  Wicked awesome as Boston would say.  Then I would say shut the fuck up Boston and go eat some Dunkin Donuts or have sex with Ben Affleck!  Then she wakes up and is sent to a place were the Mad About You Guy (no not Helen Hunt silly) convinces her to go and destroy all of these fucks, except his dog died and he wants one as a pet.

So she gets with a group of witty and fun marines with sweet guns and head cameras.  They get into a fight over corn bread and then they all get killed.  Soooooo… she gets in some sort of construction equipment, has an actual fist fight with a queen alien who just ripped an android in half.  Saves a Newt and does a jump high fives with Voltron.

ko-aliens

Guns didn't work, Marines didn't work, Bill Paxton didn't work....Giant pinchy arms worked!

Ohhh yea and they have acid for blood, whoops forgot to mention that! So you shoot one up close? Tough shit it just ate through your skin and is melting your liver and stomach.  Ouch!

GAME OVER MAN! GAME OVER!

AWESOME SONG OF THE DAY #66

BONNIE TYLER – HOLDING OUT FOR A HERO

DORK AWESOMENESS: THE MILLENNIUM FALCON!

Posted in Aliens, Awesome, Explosions, Humor, Monsters, Movies, Stuff with tags , , , , , , on September 16, 2009 by tsanda

Im a pretty huge dork, nerd, bassanova.  But occasionally I want to let me dork flag fly…as high as possible, which is pretty incredible seeing the other dorky stuff I like to discuss, such as Easy-bake oven vs. bathtub gin, which is better for kids.  You know where my dork flag pole is? Top of the Millennium Falcon.  If flaps in the winds of cloud city and it is only raised to half mast on the anniversary of the explosion of the Planet Alderaan.

I once lost an intergalactic space ship in a poker game to Han...It's okay your not alone.

I once lost an intergalactic space ship in a poker game to Han...It's okay you're not alone.

It can do everything.  Fly, hyperspace jumping, attaching to Star Destroyers (which lets be honest if our Space Navy was called Star Destroyers Americans would still want to go to Mars and we would probably demand that we blow up the sun…) They also float around in trash and land on asteroids which turn out to be monsters, ohh sounds scary? Nope they can also outrun space asteroid monsters.  Thats a fucking scary asteroid though.  What if the asteroid from Armageddon (your welcome) had a space monster in it?  Bruce “whatcha talkin bout” Willis would have blownd it all sorts of up and then the space monster would have just fallen to EARTH and eaten Jersey.  Second thought, might be worth it…except all that hair gel would have gotten stuck in the monsters mouth and probably killed it.

I mean how do you bet that thing in  game of intergalactic space cards…Lando you Idiot!

I think Millennium Falcon means like 1000 falcons...thats so many talons!

I think Millennium Falcon means like 1000 falcons...thats so many talons!

What did we learn today? Millennium has to the next hardest word to spell after those flying dinosaur things.

Awesome Search to find my blog of the day: “coolest pictures of real live monkeys” Yep somebody found this blog with that search.  Not only are they looking for real and live monkeys but the coolest. Too bad here they only found the shittiest fake dead pumpkin photos.  In your face grandma’s, learn how to google!

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Awesome Song Of the Day # 51

Kid Cudi – Pursuit of Happiness

Come back later for more bullshit!

MOVIE AWESOMENESS: CRITTERS!

Posted in Aliens, Humor, memories, Monsters, Movies, Music with tags , , , , on May 5, 2009 by tsanda

Critters came out in 1986 to positive reviews and two thumbs up by Siskel and Ebert, although they gave everything two thumbs up so I am not sure that tag really holds any weight, maybe in the 80’s if it was two thumbs up from Ronald Reagan and The Ultimate Warrior it would be a lot cooler. Supposedly came out to cash in on the Gremlins popularity even though Critters was written a long before Gremlins came out.  Both are awesome too so why can’t we all just get along.  The basic premise is a ship full of escaped prisoner aliens travels through space to avoid bounty hunters.  So far so good.  They crash land on earth and all they want to do is eat humans and get big and strong.  And Billy Zane is not only in it but he dies! What is not to love.

 

Your everyday farm family and two faceless bounty hunters

Your everyday farm family and two faceless bounty hunters

So the aliens, the Crits, land.  Eat some people and some cows too.  Nobody really knows about it just yet cause they are hiding under cars and in barns.  They eat a police officer and attack billy zane. Those aliens must not have liked Sniper.  The bounty hunters come and must choose faces, cause they are obviously faceless,  so Terrence Mann chooses the rocker Johnny Steal.  His feathered bangs are ready to kick alien ass.  One of the aliens eats a lot of people and cows and because the size of a human.  The daughter is kidnapped by the aliens for a space snack but the family teams up with the bounty hunters and the daughter and the Earth and are saved.  Minus 1 Billy Zane.  Moment of silence. 

Some of the Spaceship graphics/props are really cheesy. But the creature effects are awesome.  The Critters look great and may not move great cause they are just puppets but I will take puppets over CGI any day of the week.

 

Hungry Mutha Fuckers eating my picnic!

Hungry Mutha Fuckers Eating My Picnic!

To top it off these little hand help puppet aliens are funny as hell.  All they do is destroy stuff, eat people and throw around the f-word.  Best part of the movie? Easy, when one of the critters tries to talk to the ET doll and ends up eating it because it won’t talk back…fucking ET had it coming.

 

ET in the Left Corner, Critter in the Right Corner.  Critter easy winner.

ET in the Left Corner, Critter in the Right Corner. Critter easy winner.

 

 

Thanks Critters.  Just don’t make them like this anymore.

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Awesome song of the Day #32

Xzibit – “Paparazzi” 

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