There is a saying that cleanliness is next to godliness.  Which is weird because Jesus was basically a hobo and if my local hobo pals are any indication they are as far from cleanliness as possible.  I would argue that cleanliness is not next to godliness.  Paddle boats are.  What did the son of god do that was really neato? Turn water into wine? No, wine is gross. Fish and bread for the masses? No, Arby’s sells enough fish sandwiches to feed the world and nobody worships Arby’s (in public…)  Cast some demons into pigs?  I am pretty convinced that pigs are already demons so I am not so impressed with that one.  Walking on water? Yup. Bingo. That’s the one.  Ever get your socks wet and not have a dry pur to change into.  Isn’t that about the worst day ever? Jesus never got those sandals wet. How can we as lowly mortals,  (you highlanders out there, need not read further), obtain some level of godliness? You read it earlier.  Paddle boats!

Paddle Boat, American Pants

Whoa, I think the America Pants might just win this photo.

Basically just walking on water.  But actually way better.  A gentle recline on water.  Stay dry? Check.  Enjoy a midsummers eve? Check.  Hold your best friends hand while gently traversing Lake Loveland and talking about space? Brings a little tear to your eye to think about how much gentle slow moving relaxation can be had on a paddle boat.  Ever had a huge argument with your significant other while paddle boating? Didn’t think so.  Even if they told you they were cheating on you with Tony Danza.  You wouldn’t even be a little angry.

A Highlander: I think you might be a little angry.

Me: Highlander, I thought I told you to stop reading this!

Highlander: Well the quickening hasn’t happened yet, so I needed something to kill some time.

Me: Jeez fine.  Why wouldn’t you be angry? 1. It is impossible to be mad while paddle boating.  It is the physical manifestation of chicken soup for the soul. 2. Who could be mad at Tony Danza? He’s way better than I am, I would be mad if you weren’t cheating on me with The Boss.

Tony Danza

Hey man, I'm sorry I banged your girl. Are you kidding? That's awesome. You should have let me watch!

Midnight paddle boating! Have you ever paddle boated with the devil in the pale moon light? Talk about romantic. I proposed to some babe at night in a paddle boat.  I wrote Will You Marry Me? in rose pedals in the middle of a lake and paddled her out there.  Couldn’t really see it very well because it was night and those things apparently don’t have any headlights, also I guess water does this moving thing, so the next day there was just a jumble of pedals.  But she sure was impressed when I told her about it.

Make sure you don’t get hit by a boat though. Apparently a lightless, noiseless, small paddle boat is a fun target for a jet boat.  You have to play your cards right.  So that jet boat just cuts the paddleboat in half between the two riders. Great story.  Small scare. I just call it great fodder for the next paddle boat adventure.

If I could choose anybody to paddleboat with? My dog.

I can teach you to sit but I can't teach you to paddle? I'm sick of going in circles! Even this kid we found isn't helping.

Sigh.  I wish I was Paddle boating…






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