FOOD AWESOMENESS: CHEDDAR BAY BISCUITS!
I don’t know where the fuck the Bay of Cheddar (proper nouns are capitalized, boom.) is, I imagine a place of cheese near a bay. I figure it is very literal. I’ve looked on every map and in every book I own, which is one. I certainly found Waldo but no Cheddar Bays. Red Lobster is gross. I’ve decided to completely ignore sensical segways and approach this from a very schizophrenic mindset. Banana. Red Lobs is a buttery catfish, fried and served with iceberg lettuce for $20.00. I have no idea why people go there. I have probably had it 10 times and the only thing I get when I go is diarrhea; maybe heart burn if I’m lucky. Then a light showned on my face and I asked the server to turn off the flood light that was over my table. She said that it came on because of the tornado outside and I had to go to the basement for shelter and survival. Bossy. As people are running for their lives I see a half eaten biscuit sitting on a nearby table. Seducing me. Rabbits. I’m thinking this isn’t the biscuit plaza down on 8th street. This is the shit lobster. So I do what most people probably do at that time. I eat off somebody else’s plate. Jeez stop judging me, I didn’t say I ate out of the toilet. But, on a unrelated note, you didn’t see any cheddar bay biscuits floating in there did you? Okay, just making sure. Carmel sandwich. The homeless dumpster man outback always tries to steal my toilet food.
Sorry, I fast forwarded to the future to much. Rewind to the past. I don’t know where Cheddar Bay is. Wait to far. So monkey tricycle. Wait, to far forward. Eating off a strangers plate. Ahhh just right. Or Just Wright, the just cheerfully romantic movie where Queen Latifa somehow gets a person to love her. Queen Latifa has a couple choices for who would love her. Common and LL Cool J are neither.
Although, if you are a stickler for history, Pizza the Hut already died when he ate himself. But you get my reference. Queen Latifah eats full humans anyways so no reason to make it a pizza monster.
Did you know that Queen L endorses Pizza Hut and Jenny Craig. She walks out of Pizza Hut and into Jenny Craig. Cashes checks the whole time. Fuck how is that not my life. I hang outside Jenny Craigs and Pizza Huts all the time. Why is it that I am only arrested?
So, I put this cheddary bay biscuit in my mouth and it melts. Like a cheddar filled bread M&M. I get it. I get why people go to Red Lobster. Those fucking heaven sent biscuits are National Treasures. NT3CBB (National Treasure Three: Cheddar Bay Biscuits.
Weirdest thing I have seen in a while? A UPS man, raking a alley. He then got into a BMW wagon and drove away. I promise I saw this. What can Brown do for you? Apparently rake alleys. True hero. Thanks guy.
AWESOME SONG OF THE DAY
WZRD (Kid Cudi & Dot Da Genius)
Teleport 2 Me, Jamie (fucking awesome Desire sample from Drive)
Fuck Waldo! Goldbug Forever!