AUTOMOBILE AWESOMENESS: THE MERCURY SABLE!


There are cars that supposedly define a generation.  The 1991 Ferrari Testarossa. The 1967 Stingray Corvette. The 57′ Chevy.  Bullshit.  All of them without character; testicle-less bullshit.  The car. The pinnacle of automotive technology. The. 2002. Mercury. Sable. Words. With. Immediate. Periods. For. Effect. Wor.ds. Wi.th. Per.iod.s i.n. t…h….e…m.

This car can drive through walls and cure cancer. It can fly and submarine. It can do barrel rolls and outrun bullets. It can fight a sasquatch or bigfoot depending on your geographic local.  It has been to the moon and sun.  It saw the first dinosaur and then killed them all.  Not the asteroids? Nope.  Mercury Sable. It goes 0-60 in 0.00 seconds.  It ended the Cold War. It starred in The Tree of Life ( it really could have, I have no idea what the fuck happened in that movie).  It robs the poor and gives to the rich. It then robs the rich and gives it back to the poor.

If supermodels were cars. They would be the Mercury Sable.

I'd Fuck Me. That's what the Mercury Sable says when it tucks its d and b's and dances to Goodbye Horses.

Damn girl. Look at that thing. It is magnificent.  I’m sorry, I need to cut this short.  I have to spend 47 seconds in the restroom.

I masterbated to the Mercury Sable.

Ohh you got it? I beat you over the head with this stuff? Shit. I thought I was being subtle. Ohh well then, I don’t have to be ashamed.  I’m gonna round 2 this bad boy.

Awesome Song of the Day

The War on Drugs

Arms Like Boulders

 

 

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