GREATEST TIME OF THE YEAR AWESOMENESS: NO MORE BASEBALL!
Have you ever noticed there is an electricity in the air during this time of year. Like static electricity bukakke all over the world. It’s not just because my birthday happens and no, it is not the auuraaraa boree-0-lius. Northern Lights, silly. Don’t tell me its the magic of the NLDS. Okay, the Red Sox epic collapse was pretty entertaining to hear about in passing. Not many people are getting wet thinking about Albert Puljos. It is the excitement of everybody under 65 not having to hear about or watch anything to do with baseball for the winter. Sadly, the baseball off season is only about 4 days long. They just drive to Phoenix and start playing again. Somebody said to me. It isn’t that bad, is it? It is America’s game. You know baseball and apple pie. Who even eats apple pie anymore? Fruit dessert? That’s like a tofu popsicle, fucking bullshit! Lou Gerig’s legacy? A horrible disease named after him. Tommy John? Awful surgery. Lou Pinella? Fat Jokes. Well, those are okay. So Lou Pinella walked into a bar and got stuck in the doorway. Yup, another original! Hot off the presses. Extra Extra read all about it. Yum Yum get me some. A little Putt Putt for your butt butt. I have gotta give props to Matt Geracie on the putt putt line, still makes me giggle. Although, when I use that for a grace at family dinners I get the worst looks from my mom.
I decided to do a research project. It can’t be all that bad can it? I mean I previously posted an Amazing baseball video. Karate Kick! I found three things I like about baseball on top of the random insane guy karate kicking people. Which can’t hold my attention forever it has happened a whole once. Those games last for like 5 hours and they play 182 of them? That is 5 trillion baseball games a year. That a hundred billion trillion innings of baseball all time and only 1 crazy hobo got onto the diamond and starting kicking. Probably wanted some hotdogs and when you want hot dog, sometimes people get kicked. That is why I am not allowed at my neighborhood picnic anymore. Apparently Mayor of Blank Town doesn’t like a kick to the side in the dog line.
#1. Baseball to the face.
Can’t this be a sport? A guy throws a 90 mph fastball into somebodies face and or nads… Okay, you bleeding hearts, we can make it convicted rapists or terrorist or something. But don’t tell me you wouldn’t watch that.
#2) Exploding Birds?
This guy, 2nd point to him he has a gnarly mullet, pitched thousands of innings and the most exciting thing he did was explode a bird once. I explode birds every weekend in my backyard. It only costs a dollar to watch.
3.) The future of America falling down running the bases.
That’s it. Grand Slams? I couldn’t care less. Double plays? I only care about Double Teams.
Baseball has one thing going for it, Hotdogs… and Hideki Matsui. He seems nice.
AWESOME SONG OF THE DAY #163
Album. Please come out now!