Archive for March, 2011

BUG AWESOMENESS: ANTS!

Posted in Awesome, awesome song of the day, awesomness, blog, comedy, Humor, Music on March 10, 2011 by tsanda

Ants. They can lift 100x their body weight.  Thats amazing.  I heard some ants can start fires with their brains, which could be a lie.  If bears could do that I would be screwed.  With all of my bear wrestling and bear decapitations, I would have no chance.  Thank God Ants are not Bears or visa versa… you know? Sometimes I wish I could be an ant.  Always working and digging tunnels.  Tunnels are the coolest form of homes, I tried to build a homemade of tunnels in my back yard and I just got covered in worms and got dirt under my nails and quit cause that feels weird.  Put some worms on my sac though.  Which is nice.

Now worms, they dig tunnels too, but they are assholes. So gross and sticky.  I don’t like to eat anything that doesn’t have eyes.  No fun in that, i want it to watch me eat it.  If they don’t know what is coming, then what is the point?  I usually want to hear it screaming too, but sometimes that gets morbid and you have to pull back on the crazy stuff.

Now there is an exception to this rule.  Spiders.  I can’t eat spiders.

Spiders Eyes

Ewww. Spiders have too many eyes! They are going to see me coming from a mile away and then bite my tongue! and eat my face off! I can't have that. The only person who can take my face/off is castor troy.

I stay away from spiders.  They stay away from me.  I don’t eat them, they don’t eat me.  Symbiotic relationship.  Unless they are near my shoes than I stomp them.  Its not really fair, i guess.

Ants, they are okay to eat though.  High Protein low fat.  Plus if you eat them you get their strength for 5 minutes.  But which is useless because I can already lift pieces of dirt and M & M’s on my own.  So I have to eat like 5,000 of them then I get a tummy ache.  Those things are sugary!  It is a tough trade off, crabby stommy and lift a car over my head.  Or just watch District 9 again.

So thats all.  Ants, me. BFF!

done with stuff.

Awesome Song of the Day #154

MIRRORS!

INTO THE HEART!

AWESOME! BRITS MAKE SOUND GOOD INSTRUMENTS NOISE.

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IRAN AWESOMENESS: THE OLYMPIC SYMBOL IS A RACIST!

Posted in Awesome, awesome song of the day, awesomness, blog, comedy, Dork, News, Stupid on March 1, 2011 by tsanda

It is about time Iran got up in arms about all the abuse the world heaps on them.  I mean can’t a tyrannical backwards nation get a little respect! They just want to hate Jews and Americans in peace… and by peace I mean with killings.  I always thought Iran was misunderstood… like the Last Samurai.  Tom Cruise wasn’t the last samurai, Ken Wantanabe was.  Iran isn’t crazy, they just hate and want to kill people who aren’t them.  Is that sooo nutz!? You should read my diary, kill the mail man this and murder the milk man that.  No big deal.

Now the Iran is trying to boycott the 2012 summer Olympics in England because the flag logo is …. a racist… seriously.  The flag logo, so I heard from Charlie Sheen, said that Iranians are bad drivers and bad tippers.  I’ve heard of flags being sexist, but never racist.  They are just old, thats how old flags talk. Old flags don’t mean to be racist they just read too many editions of Good Old Times Magazine.  Which I know about because I have previously received editions for Christmases from my grandfather… that and beenie weinies.  You know the Good Old Times… when people were white and clothes covered 95% of you body, even when swimming.  So lets lay off the flag a bit, it is a product of it’s surroundings.  Flag factories are hot beds of hate.  Susan B. Anthony was a bitch I heard ( I bet nobody has ever called Susan B. Anthony a bitch before, except for George Washington when she stood him up for a date, you didn’t know history time was happening simultaneously). Lets see what all the hub bub is about.

London Olympics 2012

Holy shit that logo just called me a cracker!

Really? The only thing that logo is racist to is anybody whose race is graphic designers.  I’m pretty sure Microsoft Paint vomited that design after a night of heavy drinking.  What does Microsoft paint drink?  Nothing actually, I mean to say after huffing paint. Easy mistake.  Iranians say that it looks to much like ZION.  Zion? When did Jamaica get involved in this dispute? Damian Marley is gonna be pissed that Iran is dissing Zion.  I am no math major but is Zion spelled Zoir?  I don’t see it.  Maybe Iran is crazy.  Who even cares? Hollywood already told me via John Cusack that the world will have ended by this time anyways.  So I think it is much ado about nothing.  Lets all have a picnic.  Iran you’re not invited.  Zion you are. Or Zior which ever gets the evite.

Bye

Out

Salutations

Beep Boop Beep Boop (robot good bye)

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Awesome SONG! of the DAY! #153

(please) Don’t Blame Mexico

The Protocol

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