WEAPON AWESOMENESS: SWITCH BLADES!
I like knives. They useful. They cut my bread, they cut my steaks, they can cut through cans and they can murder people. Whoa, whoa, whoa…. hold on there my mom says. You can afford steaks and yet you don’t buy your momma a Christmas present?! Yeah mom, how do you think I can afford Steaks all the time?
My favorite knife? The switch blade. You probably thought I was going to say the knife fighting monkey, but alas…that isn’t technically a knife. It is more of a monkey, with a knife. Okay, you got that?… You probably also thought I was going to say the machete. Nope. Those are only practical for jungle warfare. I pass through life in the suburbs. I need discretion. I need to be able to keep a knife in my shoe so just in case some guy steals my parking space at the 7-11 I can cut his brakes or throat. Depends on my mood. Or his car. I refuse to cut the brakes of the classics. Pinto, Yugo, 1997 yellow Volkswagon Beetle. But you already knew I wasn’t going to cut my own brakes.
People take people with switch blades seriously. Have you ever not given a sandwich to a homeless guy with a switchblade? Trick question he killed you for that sandwich. That is why he has a switchblade…and why you can’t remember giving him a sandwich… Weird right? You being dead and all, you thought you’d be in heaven. This blog is kinda like the six sense….Cause your dead… Jeeez you’re slow.
I mean you press a button and a blade comes out! What else is there to say? Grandma what is that shiny pearl thing in your hand? “Click, Slank, Frreerttt, bleeding”. That is the sound of you getting stabbed by your tricky grandma.
Holy fuck you say…there are a lot of people getting stabbed this edition, to that I say. Yea.
Switchblades will do that, you get one in your hand, and you just have to stab something. Look at this old timey actor. He means to do some murdering.
Is that Jack Lemmon? Who cares…. I wish Ted Dansen was every part in every movie. That guy is a charmer. He probably wouldn’t stab you.
This guy would.
Okay, you’re right. I’ve got to stop killing imaginary people in my blog. Time to go pick up imaginary girlies in my real beetle.
AWESOME SONG OF THE NIGHT #147
“Now first things first Imma eat your brains…then I am gonna start rocking Gold Teeth and Fangs.”
Kanye’s new album is incredible.